Portia
We’re lying in bed, Callahan’s big arms around me. I’m curled into him, our heads resting on the same pillow.
He’s playing with a strand of my hair. I touch his unshaved face, liking the stubble.
“I would be dead if it wasn’t for you,” he says.
I study him, thinking about what I need to tell him.
“I didn’t want to live afterward. I wanted to die. Even though I knew it would kill Antonio, I just couldn’t. But then there you were, and you made me remember things. Made me feel things. Made me care again. Maybe you make me less selfish, Portia.”
“You’ve never been selfish, Callahan.”
He shrugs a shoulder.
“I need to tell you something,” I start. I take a breath in and lay on my back to stare up at the ceiling. He puts a hand on my belly. Slides it up to cup a breast.
“I like this,” he says. “I like a little more meat on you.”
“Well, I’m glad you think so.” I sit up, put my pillow on my lap.
“What is it?” he asks, all serious when he sees my expression. He sits up too and takes the pillow out of my arms.
He takes my hands.
“What?”
I bite my lip. “I know it’s soon.” I don’t know how to do this. I’ve only known for a few days myself.” I feel a tear slide down my cheek and turn my head away. But not fast enough, because he turns it back to him and wipes the tear away.
“Whatever it is, it’s fine. We’ll figure it out together.”
I put a hand to my mouth and look at him. What if…
“I missed my period a couple of weeks ago,” I blurt before I can chicken out.
His forehead wrinkles and he looks confused.
“I mean, I’ve been off anyway with all the stress for so long, so it wasn’t a big deal. Honestly I wasn’t even paying attention, considering…”
“What are you saying?”
“When I was out with Nathan the other day, I picked up a test.”
I think he stops breathing then.
His body goes stock-still.
“A pregnancy test.”
His throat works as he swallows.
“There were two in the pack and well, I took the first one and I thought it was wrong because… I mean, it’s not like.. ”
“What are you saying?”
“So I took the second one and that one, too…”
“Portia?”
I feel myself crying now. Shit. It’s not that I’m sad. Not at all. It’s just so unexpected.
“I was at the doctor earlier today. That’s why I made a big deal of going into town alone.”
Callahan’s eyes intensify their gaze on me as he studies me. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen him speechless.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
“Say it.”
I study him, search his eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
It’s quiet. Like dead silent. I stared up at him and he stares back at me.
“Callahan?”
He blinks, shakes his head, exhales audibly and smiles. Shakes his head again.
“I want to keep it and if you’re not ready, I understand. I mean, I get it if you- ”
He laughs out loud, eyes so bright they make mine fill up with tears. He’s happy. He lifts me and hugs me so hard, I’m sure he’s bruised a rib.
“Oh, Portia.” He draws back to look at me, then hugs me again. “Portia. Fuck. Portia.”
“You’re hurting me a little.”
He softens his hold, looks at me again, kisses my mouth and pushes the hair back from my face.
“Say it again.”
“We’re going to have a baby.”
Again, he laughs, shakes his head, exhales, shakes his head. Then he lays me down, looks at me, at my belly. It’s still flat but he lays his hand on it.
“It’s early. I don’t think you’ll – ”
“We’re going to have a baby?”
I nod, still crying because his eyes have filled up too. He lifts me again, hugging me tight.
“We’re going to have a baby,” he repeats.
“Yes.” I’m surprised by his reaction although I didn’t know what to expect. “Are you… happy?”
He throws his head back and laughs before his expression grows serious again. He takes my face in his hands, kisses my mouth, keeps hold of me.
“Am I happy? God, woman don’t you see how happy I am? How happy you make me?”
I hug him this time, sniffling a little. “I love you so much.”
He draws back and takes my face in his hands again, using his thumbs to wipe away tears. “No more tears, Portia. No more fucking tears. I love you and we’re going to fill this house up with a dozen babies. Fill it up with laughter again, like it should always have been.”
He kisses me.