Lillian didn’t know if she should follow him, but she couldn’t just stand by and let this seemingly unstable Conrad do something dangerous right under her nose.
Once she stepped inside, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
The room was pitch black – no windows, no bed, no breeze, no light.
She instinctively leaned against the doorframe, cold sweat breaking out all over her body.
Those memories – those dark, suffocating memories – came rushing back.
She didn’t dare move closer. She didn’t even want to look.
The sound of metal chains clinking made her look up.
In the dim light spilling in from the study, she saw Conrad fastening himself in chains – locking his wrists, ankles, and even his neck – tightening them cruelly.
Then, as if slipping into a deep sleep, he knelt on the floor and became completely still.
Lillian stared blankly.
“… Conrad.”
Her voice echoed in the sealed room.
“What are you doing?”
No one answered her.
She forced herself to move closer, every step feeling like a battle with her past. By the time she reached him, her palms were clammy with sweat.
She grabbed his hand. “Conrad, what are you doing?”
“Waiting,” he finally replied.
His voice was flat, emotionless – like a machine.
“Waiting for what?” She looked at him closely.
His vacant eyes finally settled on her.
“Lillian,” he muttered.
Lillian felt a sudden ache in her heart. “I’m Lillian… I’m right here. You don’t have to wait for me anymore.”
“I deserve to die,” Conrad muttered to himself.
“One life for another,” he went on. “A debt of love… repaid.”
Then, without warning, he slammed his back against the wall, driving the welded chains hard into his shoulder blades. Only this kind of pain seemed to dull the agony inside him.
“What are you doing?!” Lillian tried to stop him, but she couldn’t overpower him. He just kept hurting himself, as if he couldn’t even feel it.
Left with no other choice, she grabbed him and held him tightly. “Stop! Stop it!”
It took him a long while to finally stop – and even then, he only stopped moving.
Lillian kept holding him, feeling like this was Conrad… yet somehow, not Conrad.
He felt like a stranger now – so unfamiliar that she barely recognized him.
The Conrad she once knew would never have been like this.
Back then, it was never his fault – it was always someone else’s. He never reflected on himself, and he never spared a thought for anyone else.
Lillian clung to him, afraid to let go.
She didn’t know how long she stayed like that. Eventually, his breathing steadied, and his head slumped heavily onto her shoulder. His breathing remained calm, as if he’d drifted back to sleep.
His body still burned with feverish heat, and Lillian’s chest felt uncomfortably warm where he pressed against her. She tried to get up and support him, but she couldn’t move him at all.
He wasn’t fat, but his body was solid muscle – and a man his size wasn’t something she could easily shift.
The chains were heavy too, almost impossible for her to lift.
Just when she was at a loss, Andrew walked in.
“Let me,” he said.
He came closer, pulled out a key, and unlocked the chains. Then he hoisted the unconscious Conrad up and carried him out of the room.
Lillian followed closely the whole way until Andrew placed Conrad on the master bedroom’s bed.
Andrew turned back to look at her, clearly noticing how shaken she was.
“It’s okay,” he said. “He’ll be fine once he wakes up.”
Lillian’s lips trembled. “How did he end up like this? What exactly happened?”
Andrew exhaled. “As you can see… something’s wrong with him.” He started to point at his head, but then reconsidered and tapped his chest instead.
“I can’t tell where the problem really is, but that whole ‘driven mad by obsession’ thing… I always thought it was just a saying. Turns out it’s real enough.”
“How long has he been like this? Hasn’t he seen a doctor?”
“He has,” Andrew said. “Didn’t help. The best they could do was prescribe medication to suppress it. Honestly, ever since Jasmine showed up, his condition’s been a lot better. It only happens now if he falls into a really deep sleep. When that happens, he’ll start wandering around specific areas. That’s when it’s most dangerous. You could stab him with a knife, and he’d still stubbornly make his way back to that hidden room… to lock himself up again.”
“If he doesn’t chain himself down,” Andrew added quietly, “he won’t be able to stop himself… from heading to the coast. From going into the sea… to find you.”
“If he doesn’t hurt himself – no blood, no pain that drains his life away – he can’t cope with the suffering inside.”
“He’s seen doctors… but nothing’s worked. His will to live is practically gone.”
Lillian could hardly believe what she was hearing. “He… he wants to die?”
“Before Jasmine appeared, you were gone – vanished without a trace. No matter what we tried, there wasn’t a single clue about where you were. Everyone believed you were dead. I mean… how could anyone survive out there in the open sea?”
“The truth is… this isn’t the first time he’s risked his life for you. He doesn’t say it,” Andrew added, his voice quieter now, “but everyone knows it. If you die… he won’t live either.”
Andrew looked down at Conrad. “There was even a time when his moods were all over the place. Sometimes he acted like he was still a teenager; other times, he couldn’t recognize anyone at all. But no matter how lost he got… he always remembered you.”
Andrew paused for a moment before continuing. “I’ve been following him since I was a kid. I was weak back then, and almost got kicked out. It was him – step by step – who trained me into a soldier. To put it bluntly, he’s my master… but honestly, he’s more like the compass of my life.”
“I know, you don’t believe he’d want to die. The truth is… none of us believed it either. Death is the most powerless, most useless thing. Anyone might consider it when they’re at their weakest… but this is Conrad we’re talking about. We underestimated how important you were to him… and overestimated his ability to endure.”
“The first time he tried to kill himself, the doctors spent three hours saving him. After that, Old Mrs. Brown chained him up. He tried all kinds of ways to end it. For someone like him, the only way to stop him from dying was to lock him up – chain him to the bed like a dog, with no dignity left. They sealed the windows with iron plates, installed cameras in the room… During that time, I barely dared to sleep. If it weren’t for the gunshot wound in his leg and the weakness in his wrists, I’m afraid he would’ve succeeded. By the time you returned… all you’d have received was news of his death.”
“He kept his suicide attempts well hidden – no one in the Brown family knew. Otherwise, things would’ve only gotten worse. Mr. George spent every day running between hospitals and clinics, hiring countless psychiatrists – all of whom ended up terrified and left.”
“In the end, it was something Melissa said that pulled him back. But even then, surviving wasn’t easy. He struggled to sleep at night, and his mind started to deteriorate. He’d often show up in places you’d been before, yet later have no memory of it.”
“He’d think he was at the company… when in reality, he was already miles away in some remote town. Sometimes he’d wake up at your grandmother’s old house. We had no choice but to stay by his side 24/7, watching him as he wandered in his sleep, muttering nonsense… sometimes acting out in extreme ways.”
“I’m really grateful Jasmine appeared when she did. If she hadn’t… I’m afraid he really would’ve collapsed.”
As Andrew spoke, his shoulders slumped, the strength draining from him. “You probably can’t imagine what he’s been through these past few years. For Jasmine’s sake, he forced himself to see therapists… to undergo hypnosis… to break through the mental barriers he’d built. He took medication to stay stable… but whenever he was alone, he’d still end up zoning out.”
“Especially when he heard a name that sounded like yours… he’d abandon everything and rush over, hopeful… only to be disappointed, over and over again.”
“I know what happened in the past – you went through a lot, and he’s not trying to guilt-trip you with all this. No one told you about it, but… it’s not something that can stay hidden forever.”
“A person can’t just hide being this broken.”
“Even in his sleep… his mind still forces him to punish himself… to atone. This is a man who’s been seen as cursed ever since he was a child… yet he’s spent years trying to learn how to be the kind of good father the world expects. He had always longed for a child – a child with you. And when that child finally came, they saved both you and him.”
“Miss Lillian… you and your child… you’re his whole world.”