62

ALEX
Darkness.
That was the icy cold, unwelcome blanket that enveloped me when Laura left.
I wasn’t sure if that was correct-or even possible-but I couldn’t explain it any better than that. With her gone, it felt like the very ground I walked on had been swept from right under my fucking feet and I’d been plunged into a bottomless, pitch-black pit, one where I’d been falling for the past hour.
Still kneeling in the same spot I’d been when she walked out of the room and out of my life, I’d lost track of time. I couldn’t tell how long it had been, only that it had to have been a while because the hard floor was beginning to dig into my knees through the fabric of my pants.
Saying that I didn’t have the strength to stand sounded like an exaggeration, but in truth, I had to muster every single atom of strength in my body to push to my feet, staggering to sit on the foot bench, bracing my elbows on my knees and dropping my face into my palms.
Fuck.
When we’d gone out to the doctor’s office this morning for Laura’s ultrasound, I could never have predicted that what was no doubt one of the happiest days of my life would ironically turn out to be one of the worst-if not the worst.
Of course I’d known that my day was about to take a one-eighty when I’d pulled into my driveway and seen Claire standing at my doorstep. At first I’d thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but even that little bit of hope, frail as it was, had been obliterated when she’d started sauntering in our direction like a woman on a mission.
A woman on a mission to ruin me.
There’d been no dodging her anymore. No running from my past. And I’d been forced to face the problem I’d spent the better part of the past few years running away from.
The problem that was my engagement to Claire Winthrop.
Groaning, I lifted my head, staring into space, my brain clouded by thoughts. Coincidentally my eyes happened to land in the direction of the door and as it did, the footage of Laura walking away played in my head.
It replayed again and again like it was on a fucking loop until I had to clutch my head and squeeze.
As if that could somehow free me from this torture.
Unable to withstand it any longer, I staggered to my feet and trudged down the stairs. To do what the fuck? I didn’t even know. I just knew I couldn’t stay in that room for a second more without going insane. Not when it felt like I was reliving that particular moment when Laura walked out of my life over and over again.
Not when the entire room still smelled like her and every inhale seemed to burn my very lungs.
I went into the kitchen, filled a glass of water at the sink and lifted it to take a drink but I couldn’t because my hands were shaking so damn bad. Cursing, I dropped it back down, bracing my hands on the kitchen island as I hung my head.
Every atom of my being wanted to go after Laura. She had to have gone back to her place or Balery’s, so finding her shouldn’t be that hard.
But I was scared.
For the first time since I met her, I was actually terrified to face her.
The way she’d looked at me.
The words she’d said…
She believed I was no better than her mother’s ex and that had cut me bone deep. But it was the truth, wasn’t it?
Was I any different from him?
My head whipped up at the sound of footsteps coming into the kitchen, thoughts put on hold. My heart began to race.
Had she come back?
I waited with my heart in my throat, prepared to throw myself at her feet again if it meant that she’d at least consider forgiving me. I was terribly disappointed, however, when Claire walked into the kitchen.
“What the hell are you still doing here?”
She probably didn’t deserve this hostility from me. While I would like to blame her for my current predicament, I knew that she was an unwilling-not entirely-participant in this clusterfuck.
She was just a catalyst and I was furious that her presence today had sped up what I’d hoped wouldn’t happen, but would have eventually happened anyway.
Parking her ass on one of the island chairs, she fixed me with a look. “I’ve got nowhere else to crash. I told you this before.”
“You can’t crash here. Get a hotel.”
“Why?” She asked, lifting a brow. “Because of that woman? She already left so she shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”
Red swarmed my vision.
“That woman is everything to me and it would do you well to remember that,” I seethed, an ache beginning to take root on the left side of my head.
Claire merely rolled her eyes, draping an arm over the back of the chair and I couldn’t help but note how different she was from Laura.
Laura would sit on the chair and lean her elbows on the island or brace both hands at the back of the chair which would cause her back to arch and her tits to jut out. It never failed to make my blood heat-never failed to fill me with an odd sense of satisfaction seeing her get comfortable in my space, around my things, and sometimes wearing my clothing.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned away, looking out the kitchen window instead.
“Aww, aren’t you the loverboy?” Claire crooned, her tone mocking. “Who would have thought?”
When I didn’t respond to her, she spoke up again. “I didnt peg you for a liar though. That’s shocking.”
The smartest thing to do would have been to ignore her but I couldn’t help it. “I didn’t lie to her. I just didn’t tell her.”
A shrug. “Same thing, really.” She rapped her knuckles on the marble top. “Also, you did lie to her when you told her that you’re ending the engagement.”
“I am ending the engagement.”
She blinked. “You can’t be serious.”
I said nothing.
The fact that I wanted to call the engagement off shouldn’t surprise her so much because I hadn’t wanted it in the first place. I’d only agreed to this insane idea because it had seemed appealing to my mother.
Claire and I had dated for a few months in college before I’d caught her cheating. The thing was, during that short time, she’d somehow managed to worm her way into my family.
Imagine my surprise when my mother had sent me a photo of the two shopping in Paris. Together.
What my mother saw in her, I didn’t know-and didn’t care to.
I admit that part of that was my fault because I hadn’t told my mother that I’d caught her cheating. Instead, I’d lied to her that the relationship simply hadn’t worked out so my mother had made it her life’s mission to make it work.
Why didn’t I just tell my mother the truth, one might ask. Thing was, after the death of my father during an accident on his way to my induction, I’d done everything I could to make my mother happy, feeling like I owed it to her.
Telling her the truth would have broken her heart, so I’d lied to her, choosing to suffer even when she’d pushed for the engagement. She’d basically thrown the engagement party, sending out invites and even going as far as selecting Claire’s ring.
I did it for her.
At the time, I hadn’t cared. None of my past relationships had been a success anyway, and I’d never expected to meet someone like Laura-or fall in love with her.
This entire engagement was a ruse to satisfy my mother. Neither Claire nor I really cared for it. It was like a contract without any drawn up paperwork. As long as I sent her money whenever she requested-which was regularly-then we wouldn’t bother each other.
I hadn’t thought about how it would affect me in the long run.
“Alex?” Claire called, drawing me out of my thoughts. “What do you mean you’re calling off the engagement?”
“We are. I can’t do this anymore, Claire. Look what it’s costing me.”
“The money? You’re good for it.”
I shot her a disgusted look. “I don’t give a fuck about the money. I’m talking about the woman who just walked out of my life.”
She gaped at me like I’d suddenly sprouted a second head. “You’re just going to throw everything away because of a woman you met-what? Two or three months ago?” Staring at her incredulously, I was just about to ask what exactly we would be throwing away when she cut me off. “Don’t even try to lie to me. We went to your mother’s for dinner three months ago and there was no mention of her.”
The latter was true. But while I might not have known Laura for a very long time, it certainly felt like I had. I was so fucking gone on her and I’d become so addicted to having her around that now that she was gone, I had no idea what to do with myself.
“It must be done,” I told her.
I didn’t know how or when exactly. But I knew something had to be done and fast.
“What about your mother?” Claire sounded downright hysterical right now. “What are you going to tell her? You can’t do this to her!”
Clenching my jaw out of frustration, I leveled her with a look. “I think you’re less worried about her and more worried about yourself.”
Specifically, the benefits she got from this deal.
She pushed away from the island, getting to her feet. “You better think this through, Alex. And while you’re at it, I’ll be upstairs. My bag should be arriving-”
“You’re not staying here,” I cut her off. “Get a hotel.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?” I forced out through clenched teeth, my headache worsening.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder, glancing away. “I’m a little low on cash at the moment.”
I’d already known what was coming, but I’d asked anyway and she never ever disappointed me. So fucking predictable.
Shaking my head, I said, “I’ll pay.”
Dragging the issue wouldn’t do me any good, especially when I knew that she was still going to insist she didn’t have the money to book a hotel room, and arguing with her would only worsen my headache-and prolong the inevitable.
A smile spread across her face and she batted her lashes. “Well, only because you’ve asked so nicely.” She turned around and sashayed to the door, but before she left, she paused momentarily. “Think this through, Alex. Don’t make rash decisions.”
I sighed from the very depths of my soul when the door snicked shut.
I was so fucking exhausted.
Grabbing my phone to Zelle Claire some money, I realized that I’d accidentally put my phone on dnd which was why I hadn’t seen her calls and messages. I’d also missed some calls, both work and personal.
My heart started racing when I saw that the most recent one was from Jack.
Knowing that he had most likely heard about it from his wife, I quickly called him back. When the call connected, the first thing he asked was, “What happened?”
I let my forehead rest on the cool island top, placing the call on speakerphone. “You heard.”
“Balery called asking if I knew about Claire.” He hesitated. “I’m so sorry, man. I couldn’t lie to her.”
“I understand.” It wasn’t his fault.
He was quiet a bit before asking, “How did she find out?”
“Claire showed up,” I muttered. “And shit went down.”
“Fuck,” he breathed and I could hear the true remorse in his voice. “I’m so sorry, man. What are you gonna do?”
Hell if I knew how I was going to get myself out of this mess.
But I had to fix this. I needed to.
My life depended on it.