The dreary weather mirrored my gloomy mood perfectly. It was as if the cloudy evening sky had been computer-generated to highlight how miserable I was. Envisaging myself as the star of a nonexistent movie might’ve seemed egomaniacal… But the thought wasn’t rooted in narcissism. For as long as I could remember, I’d just been obsessed with movies. A lifelong personal interest of mine that not only engulfed my whole childhood but also steered my entire academic life, leading me to the career path I was now traversing.
Fueled by a deathless desire to write and direct my own films someday, I’d taken innumerable steps in the hopes that they’d bring me closer to my ultimate goals. Some of which were inconsequential, like starting an unofficial film club in my old high school. Some of which were life-altering, like attending an expensive film school that’d pretty much guaranteed I’d be drowning in student debt for the foreseeable future. Yay. I might’ve damaged my credit score, but at least I’d earned this fancy piece of paper with my full name on it! Otherwise known as the dusty diploma in my closet. If I sounded extremely cynical, it was because I was dead tired. After yet another hellish day on the production crew of some direct-to-video movie, I felt like I’d gone through the wringer.
It began to drizzle. The water on my skin disproved the idea that the dusky sky was CGI tailored to my emotional state. As far as I was aware, graphics couldn’t wet a person… A roar of thunder rumbled through the air and I cursed under my breath. I wore the hood of my plain black hoodie and sped up. I wasn’t much of a runner, but my new apartment building wasn’t very far and I wanted to get indoors before I got soaked.
Once I was safe from the rainwater, I took the stairs to the second floor. As I got closer to Apartment 202, I was met by the sight of two women standing in front of the door. They were kissing right on the lips. They weren’t full-on making out, but their kiss was definitely not a platonic one. The sound of my footsteps caused them to stop. Two sets of eyes locked on my face. One darker brown pair and one lighter blue pair. The brunette looked down, while her blond-haired counterpart sent me a toothy grin.
To be clear-I, myself, was straight… But I had no issue whatsoever with the two strangers’ sapphic kiss. I mean, if I did, then I would’ve never moved in with Gray who was an out and proud lesbian. The only reason I was struggling to make eye contact with the attractive couple was because I’d intruded upon their intimate moment.
“Excuse me.” Shyly, I pointed my keys at the door they were blocking. “I live there and I- uh, I just gotta get through.”
“Yeah, of course, I was just saying a quick goodbye to my girlfriend,” the blue-eyed blonde said. Out of the three of us, only she was unfazed by my unintentional voyeurism. She pulled her girlfriend by their connected hands, clearing the last obstacle in my journey home.
“You must be Gray’s roommate,” the brunette remarked with a kind smile. Despite being a lot more tanned than her girlfriend and my way-too-pale self, her cheeks were visibly blushing. And though I didn’t have access to a mirror, I knew my face was sporting a scarlet tint, too. After a beat of silence, I remembered it was common courtesy to respond with words.
“Yeah, hi! I’m Cassidy-Gray’s new roommate.”
. . .
As soon as I opened my bedroom door, I saw Gray cleaning up our living room. She was erasing the evidence of her core friend group’s heavy drinking. The fact that last night was the first time I’d met any of her five best friends (four in person and one online) despite all of us living in the same city for years highlighted how disjointed our social circles were.
Unlike Gray, I didn’t have a cool girl group. Instead, I had a large ‘squad’ of friends I frequently hung out with. All of whom I’d met during my last job, different gigs or miscellaneous work-related events. Which meant we all belonged to linked industries. My roommate, on the other hand, had met her best friends during a Pride Run event years ago, so their chosen professions weren’t what bound them together. Nowadays, a lot of people threw the term ‘chosen family’ around, but based on what I’d witnessed so far, that was exactly what they were to each other. Family.
In a plain white tee and maroon sleep shorts, the tattoos on Gray’s arms and legs were visible. I smiled at the sight of her bare feet which seemed paler than the rest of her since they were ink-less. Like her hands, fingers and collarbone.
“Morning!” I stretched my arms and let out a contented sigh. I basked in the warm, golden sunlight streaming through our windows.
Gray placed down the garbage bag she was holding. The noises of clinking empty glass bottles filled the air. She combed her dark auburn hair from her face, revealing her piercing blue eyes. “Hey, you’re up early.”
“Not as early as you though…” Her voice was soft, so I adjusted my own volume. “Guessing the ‘Power Rangers’ are still asleep…”
“The what?”
Instead of answering with words, I pointed at the framed, blown-up group photo hanging from one of the brick walls. One wherein all six of them were dressed as the colorful superheroes (sans masks). Blue, Green, Orange, Pink, White, Yellow. Every time I looked at my roommate in that picture, I had to grin. There was just something so oxymoronic, so paradoxical about how a person whose skin was adorned with more colors than a rainbow was nicknamed Gray and dressed as the White Ranger.
“Ah, Power Rangers-cute. Not everyone slept over, just Blue and Pink,” she informed me. “But Blue left already ’cause she has to pick up her ‘joint-custody dog’ from her ex, so it’s only Pink still snoring in my bed.”
Chuckling, I appreciated her willingness to go along with my weird superhero-thing. I racked my brain for fuzzy memories from the 90s, recalling the CRT TV in my childhood home. “I don’t remember an Orange Ranger.”
“Yeah, no, Orange wasn’t in the older shows. It’s just the six of us in the photo, but if I’m remembering the colors right… The other people we were with that day were Black, Red and Purple.”
“Gotcha.” I used the photo as a makeshift cheat sheet. “Blue Ranger is your business partner in Scope, right?”
‘Scope’ was short for ‘Scopescape,’ the online clothing brand Gray co-created and co-owned. Their company ethically manufactured and sold high-quality streetwear, e. g., hoodies, sweatshirts, tops, joggers, etc. Most of which featured graphics and prints my roommate had designed herself. The brand was still new, so they were in the early stages of ‘building awareness.’ But I was willing to bet money on their success. Their clothing didn’t just look good, it was also built to last.
“Yup, my partner-in-crime aka ‘the brains of the biz.'”
I shot one more glance at the photo. “And Pink Ranger-she’s the one you guys kept calling a ‘numbskull’ ’cause of her ex-girlfriend..?”
“We were calling her a ‘nincompoop,’ too… But yeah, you’re right. She was the one cradling a bottle of vodka when you first got home.”
I recalled the chaotic scene I’d walked into after my awkward encounter in the corridor. “Yeah, I remember. Do you guys always drink that much? I didn’t even last an hour before I tapped out… How are you functioning already?”
“We probably drink more than your average twenty-somethings… But last night, we all might’ve gone just a little bit overboard. Hence, my slight hangover.”
“Slight one?” If our roles were reversed, I knew I would’ve still been begging for the room to stop spinning. “I’d be down for a week if I were you.”
“Lightweight,” she teased.
“Compared to you guys? For sure. Your friends are great, by the way, they’re all so nice! I’m so glad I finally met the Power Rangers.”
“Wait, Cass…” She sent me an amused look. “You actually don’t remember their names, huh?”
“Not true! I remember the names of Yellow Ranger and her girlfriend.”
“Mhmm, I’m sure you do. But that’s ’cause you caught them dry humping against our door… God, those two literally can’t be around each other without touching,” she chuckled out. “We thought they’d ease up now that they live together, but if anything, they’re clingier.”
“They were not dry humping! It was just a sweet kiss goodbye,” I defended my new acquaintances. “You’re right though, I don’t remember all the names. Sorry, but like I came from work, so my brain wasn’t functional when you introduced everyone.”
“No need to apologize. You don’t need to know any of my friends’ names… You can keep referring to everyone using their superhero colors.”
“But I want to-”
“Don’t worry about it. Most of them were calling you ‘Little Mermaid,’ remember? This is like payback.” Smiling at me, she shrugged. “Oh and sorry again about that. I’d take a bullet for any of them, but they’re idiots sometimes.”
“All good.” Growing up a natural ginger, I was used to people comparing me to ‘Ariel of Atlantis.’ It was toothless stuff. “And obviously, movie-related small talk is my favorite kind… So, when everyone was singing ‘Part of Your World’ off-key..? That was right up my alley.”
“Right, that happened, too… Fuck.” She shook her head, cringing and laughing. “We were pretty drunk by the time you arrived, huh?”
“Understatement of the year,” I replied, chuckling. “By the way, why wasn’t your girlfriend here?”
“Um, our relationship is still pretty new and I don’t bring girlfriends around my friends or family until I’m 100% sure… But also, our only agenda was chewing out Pink for being dumb. And all six of us agreed years ago that it’s better not to let anyone we’re dating see what goes on during get-togethers like the one last night. ‘Cause it can get brutal and when it comes to certain things, ignorance is bliss, you know?”
“Makes sense…” I nodded. “As the saying goes, ‘no one wants to see how the sausage gets made.'”
Without another word, I moved to the kitchen then began rinsing the used glasses and other tableware in our sink. As soon as Gray realized what I was doing, she asked me to stop helping her. “Hey, no, Cass, you don’t have to do that!”
She gripped my hips from behind and pulled me away… Which was counterproductive since it just caused soapy water to drip onto the tiled floor. We struggled for a bit, but I was able to make her let go.
Although we were different in many ways, our physiques and heights were at least similar. She was only about an inch and a half taller than my 5’5″. In a fair fight, neither of us could overpower the other. “Gray, quit it. We’re both making a bigger mess,” I chastised her through my chuckles. “I wanna help. It’s a Sunday and I know you have somewhere to be soon.”
“But-”
“I got this…” I stuck my tongue out at her. “You can just finish up in the living room.”
“Fine, fine, but only ’cause I’m running late. I owe you one, okay? Thanks! Really appreciate it!”
“You don’t owe me anything, silly, but you’re welcome!”
Working together, we finished everything in no time. In a flash, Gray was showered, dressed and ready to go. She’d put on a bit of makeup, so her already-striking eyes were framed by eyeliner and mascara. She was the type to ‘dress down’ most of the time. This morning, she was wearing tight dark jeans, a black sleeveless satin top and well-worn white sneakers. The last thing she said before leaving was to call her in case ‘the dramatic knucklehead’ in her bed gave me any trouble.
Even if I’d been living with her for around a month, I still had no idea what her weekly standing appointment was. Like clockwork though, she disappeared every Sunday morning. I’d asked her about it a few times, but each time I did, she just dodged the question with a joke. I figured she preferred to keep whatever it was to herself. And though I was curious, I was the last person who’d ever advocate the revelation of someone’s secrets. Like I was deathly terrified of anyone uncovering the lower left section of my ‘Johari Window.’ My ‘facade segment’ that housed the things I knew about myself but were not known by others.
The double life I was temporarily leading was a secret of mine I planned on hiding for the rest of my days then taking straight to my grave.