Ren’s [POV]
Almost. Until I remembered all the times, he’d rejected me and left when I was in heat. The way he always left, going to work just to get away from me. Rat-bastard asshole, I thought, torn between anger and relief that he came to get me. Swear to God, it was really difficult to stay angry when he was so cute and uncertain, and dammit, I missed him.
I loved him growly and grumpy as much as I loved his smiles and laughter. I missed it all, and I couldn’t forget what Grammy said, either.
“Upset? You think this only upsets me?” I asked, stomping past him to pace in front of the cold hearth. “What upsets me is that I’m mated to a man who doesn’t want me, Caleb. What upsets me is that I nearly died, and I never got any of the things I’d dreamed about because you, you stubborn, stupid man, refuse to see what’s right in front of you. You keep running away from me, thinking I want the world from you, but all I want is this!”
I yelled now, waving between us to emphasize it.
“I’m not some big city girl who needs to be looked after, so if you’re standing there thinking that’s me, you’re wrong. I just, all I wanted was love and a family. That’s it.” I whispered, laughing darkly. “That’s all. I lost one baby. Lost myself with Shane and then nearly lost my life when people accused me of killing him, and you know what I did? I kept my chin up and my smile on, and I never once gave up.”
“Ren, the baby, don’t”
“Until you,” I whispered, chewing my lip to keep from crying because as amusing as he could be and as lighthearted as I want to be about things, it still hurt.
We were fated, and we had to stay together, so I was standing here saying I wasn’t happy to be here. I just would like to be loved, eventually, for me. Sure we were friends, and Caleb could be so nice sometimes, but I wasn’t foolish enough to assume he loved me. I didn’t see how he could, to be honest.
“Oh Ren, honey, I…” Caleb groaned, flopping to sit on the end of the bed.
He looked like hell. He was clean, at least, which was a step up from yesterday when I saw him hiding in the bushes watching me, and just like that, I wanted to giggle because that was so sweet. Trey called it creepy, but I thought it was sweet that he was out there ‘protecting me,’ as Cole informed me after he spoke to Caleb.
“I know I’m not, her. I’ve seen her in town, and she’s gorgeous.” I murmured, fluttering my hand around with a nervous laugh. “But she’s snooty. I don’t know how you…, but that isn’t my business, and I won’t make you talk about it to make me feel better. I just wanted to say, I’m me, and I’m happy to be me, and if you can’t love that, well, then it’s your loss.”
“Ren, no! Don’t say that. I don’t think that.” Caleb yelled, bursting to his feet to pace before he turned suddenly and grabbed me, his eyes intense. “Of course, I like you as you are. You’re wonderful. Gorgeous and funny and so freaking smart. You know how to make nearly every dish, you bake, you can knit and quilt and clean a gun, and you make the best fucking peach pie I’ve ever tasted. Don’t ever think you have to compete with anyone, sweetheart.”
“Well, I don’t, but it’s nice to hear.” I huffed, my mouth twitching when he narrowed his eyes at me and frowned. “It would also be nice to hear something more. I know you’re all crazy messed up and stuff, but who isn’t? But I’m not just a cook and maid service and your fuck buddy, you know! I have feelings.”
“I know that.” He muttered, running a hand through his beard.
“Then you should know that I am done with whatever this is. If you want sex, fine, we’ll do sex, but I am not participating in some sham mating to make you happy. I’m going to be stronger and think about me.”
“Sex?” Caleb growled, his eyes narrowing to slit when I nodded.
He rose, a growl leaving him, and started yelling at me in such a Caleb way I nearly laughed.
“Sex! Do you think this is only about sex? This hasn’t been about fucking sex since the moment you let me taste the sweet heaven between your legs, and you know it. You trapped me, looking so innocent, but I know your game, Ren Chase, and Goddammit, I’m on the team. You and me, together!”
“Oh, please”
“You think this is easy for me, huh, falling in love after the fiasco my mating was? Failure fucking kills me, Ren, and yet you waltzed, perfect as hell, and you never stopped. You didn’t stop until I woke up again and started feeling, and now you want to walk away or worse, use me for sex? Well, I won’t let you because this means something. It means everything. You are everything.” He muttered, his shoulders heaving while I glared at him silently.
“None of this is easy, but I’m trying, and Goddammit, so will you. You will not give up on me, you will not get mad when I get gloomy and sulky, and you will keep being exactly who you are because that bubbly, crazy person is who I love. I don’t care if things get hard. Life is supposed to be hard sometimes. Love is hard.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want it to be.” I sniffed, hope unfurling because did he just yell at me that he loved me!
Suppressing a squeal of delight because I’m a girl and that counts as an, I love you, I allowed myself to soften a little and take in his agitation. Besides, I had a bear and wolf that now live inside me to contend with, and they were both rather unimpressed with me the longer I made Caleb suffer.
Girl, these bozos are driving me crazy, my mind huffed while my wolf purred, snuggling up to his wolf as if the thing was the bee’s knees.
Yeah? Try being mated to a nearly seven-foot-tall man who sulks when he’s emotionally challenged!
“Too fucking bad. That’s how it is. Do you think you’re easy? Female, you’re nuts and demanding and plain mean when you’re riled, and yet I still wake up every morning excited to see you. I get upset when you leave, and it pisses me off that you think for even one second that any other male will ever touch you or claim you. You’re mine, Ren Chase. Chase! Not Sheppard. Ren Chase. And what’s more, you will let me plan a mating ceremony”
I cut him off with a kiss, threw myself into his arms, and moaned when he kissed me back with a groan.
“Baby, I’m so sorry for everything. I should have stayed, and I shouldn’t have pulled away and left you.” He murmured against my lips, sighing when I shook my head and giggled.
“It’s okay. We both sorts of suck at this. I shouldn’t have bit you without talking to you first, and I do tend to run off when I’m hurt. I promise not to if you promise to try and be less angry. I love you, Caleb Chase, I love you like crazy, but I’m done being what others want me to be. I can’t compete”
“I don’t want you to be anything but happy, Ren.” He sighed, smiling tenderly when I sniffled because that was so sweet. “And I love you too. You never have to compete with anyone. Do you want the truth, babe? The truth is, you’re the first female I’ve loved who makes me happy. I tried not to be, I tried so damn hard not to feel anything, but you snuck in there and gave me everything I’d given up on years ago. A home, smiles, comfort.”
“And great sex?” I asked, giggling when he snorted and settled between my legs, letting me feel how hard he was.
Moaning, I let him slide against me, the tease so sweet I felt myself moisten between my legs.
“The best sex. Being with you is the first time I feel truly wanted, Ren. You have no idea how hard it was to pull away from you after that first time and walk away. I wanted to stay inside you all day and listen to you moan my name. Heady stuff that, my female, knowing that not only do you please your female but you’re wanted for more than just what you can give.” He said softly, his eyes growing stormy when I nodded. “You had a baby?”
“Caleb”
“No. We share it all. You already know about me and my failed mating. You have part of my crazy animals in you now, so you know about them…” he muttered, grinning when I huffed because that wasn’t great.
“As if I needed one more voice in my head!” I grumbled, looking away before I sighed and then told him everything.
It wasn’t comfortable or pretty, and I could safely say this didn’t gel with any love declaration scene I’d played in my head, but it was honest and us. It was us, giving, and when Caleb growled and kissed me, whispering how much he loved me and how sorry he was for what I had gone through, I felt myself settle. Ease. It enveloped me as I smiled and looked up at him, taking in his wild bear, those crazy golden eyes, and the obsessive love that shone down on me, warming me from the inside out.
“We gonna have a baby, Ren Chase?” he asked, smiling when I narrowed my eyes and then huffed, deciding I didn’t even wanna know.
“Yes,” I mumbled, giggling when he grinned and preened, looking so proud and happy.
“You gonna mate me and love me forever?” he murmured, laying soft smooches on my lips between every other word. “You gonna love this fucked up male of yours and give me all the happiness I never knew I could have?”
“You gonna fuck me again and stop teasing me?” I whispered, moaning when he adjusted his hips and slid home, his heat filling me so fully that I shivered and closed my eyes in bliss.
“I’m gonna love you. Always love you, Ren Chase.” He rasped, smiling when I sniffled, my heart so full I felt like I was going to burst.
“Always.” I echoed before I let him kiss me, and the only sound for hours was us.
Just us.
Always, us.