Ren’s [POV]
“Mother…!”
I panted, pausing with my hand on the fridge when another ripple worked through me. My womb clenched and burned, my clit throbbing mercilessly.
I was so angry even my wolf wouldn’t come out, which was fine with me because it seemed to be helping the heat I was in. Trust me to go into heat now, I thought, grabbing a tub of cookie dough ice cream from the freezer before I stalked to the couch and flopped down with a curse.
I was pissed off and struggling to keep myself from having a fit. Part of me wanted to burst into a rage and break something, but I recognized that it was the heat being driven by my anger.
Mostly hurt.
I snarled at my wolf, inner voice whoever! At this point, I wasn’t sure who I was talking to anymore, and that just made it worse. My heart hurt, my pride hurt, and I was angry at life. First, Caleb hurt my feelings, and now I was in heat. I didn’t need this.
“Why do these things always happen to me?” I yelled, scraping the dregs of the ice cream onto my spoon and hating that it was almost finished.
Like I needed to run out of ice cream on top of everything else. Because that was fair!
Renny, life isn’t fair.
“Shut up,” I muttered because I wasn’t in a good place, and the last thing I wanted was to sit here and argue with myself.
I was in the grip of heat, and the only thing that was helping me was the anger. Yes, it fed the heat in a way, but it was also helping me maintain some semblance of control, and I couldn’t lose that. If I did, I’d be a writhing mess, and with the attraction, I felt for Caleb, I was terrified I’d get to the point of considering him to ease this.
It would kill me if, in my desperation, I went over there. I couldn’t. Mostly, I wouldn’t because reminding myself that he wouldn’t ease my heat wasn’t a lie. He’d probably reject me, lock his doors and watch me writhe in pain while telling me I was a ‘mistake’.
You’re getting upset again.
“I am upset! What is wrong with me? Why do I like him? He’s an ass.” I huffed.
Honey, you like him for a lot of reasons, most of which include his body, his sex appeal, and the mystery that surrounds him.
“No mystery there. Not anymore.” I grumbled. “He’s just an asshole,” I repeated because I had to keep reminding myself.
Well, yeah.
“Stop agreeing with me,” I whined. “You’re supposed to say things that annoy me and keep my temper boiling. I can’t get down to a simmer, or the heat will take over. This is the first time it’s happened that I’m not a mindless pile of lust and need. The anger is helping.”
Babe, you’re hurt. Let’s be real here and face the truth. You’re upset because Caleb licked you.
“Don’t want to talk about that.” I cut in, shutting down her line of thought because I seriously didn’t need to go there.
Well, too bad. He went down on you and then dropped it like it was hot. These things happen.
“I don’t want them to happen. What I want is for people not to use me and hurt my feelings. Is that too much to ask?” I asked, scraping the very last spoon of ice cream and moaning when there was nothing more to focus on at the bottom of the tub.
This heat happened once a month, and it sucked, but it had never been like this. Now that Caleb was around, it was different, and I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. I felt more in control of it, but it was also more intense as if knowing there was someone around to ease me had given the heat more power. It was right there, just under the surface, and the more my mind agreed with me and quelled the anger, the more frantic I became.
When it hit fully, and I knew it was coming, I was going to turn into a mess of instinct, animal feed, and unhinged thoughts. My wolf wouldn’t care how I felt, what I wanted, or what would happen afterward. All she would care about was calming the raging inferno of arousal, and I knew the first thing she would do was seek Caleb’s help. I couldn’t let that happen because I’d made a decision. I wasn’t going back to work, ever. This pack could kiss my ass, and I dared any of them to try and remove me once they realized I’d quit my job and lost Caleb’s protection.
There. I was done. I had finally made a decision based on something other than fear, emotional overload, and need. I was looking at things now.
Really? Because where I’m sitting, it looks like this is all about emotional overload. Honey, your vagina is ruling everything you’re thinking right now! You can’t just quit your job.
“I can and I will. I’m not going back there so that man can pretend nothing happened. I’m done being used and thrown aside.” I snarled, relief filling me because I was getting angry again, and that was a good thing.
It was what I needed right now, I told myself when at the same time, I heard the door being torn open and looked up to see Caleb storm into my trailer. He was panting as if he’d run all the way here, but what got my attention was the way he was grinding his jaw.
Oh, he looks mad.
He did. Oh, shit. Maybe I should have called in sick?
As soon as I had the thought, I got mad as hell. It wasn’t smart, considering I had a three-hundred-pound shifter male in my trailer, and he looked ready to tear something apart, but I didn’t care. Seeing him here made my anger rise again, and it was so strong that for the first time since this whole mess started, I didn’t care about anything but myself. I was hurt. He was a bastard, and I needed to remember that. So I did, choosing to hate him a little because it beat the hell out of the ache that started in my sex and made my clit pulse.
I wasn’t going to give in to it, and I didn’t care that my wolf was whining now. She sensed relief from the burning, coiling lust that had me in its grip, and if she could, she would take over in a heartbeat and be on Caleb so fast my head would spin. Me? I chose fury, and as Caleb glared at me, I glared right back.
“Why aren’t you at work?” he asked, his breathing turning choppy when I rose, and he saw what I was wearing.
I didn’t blush, way too annoyed to even care that I was in panties and a tank top so old he could probably see my nipples. Like I cared.
“Uh, because I quit.” I huffed, stomping past him toward my bedroom because if I stayed there, I would kill him.
Sexy. The man was too sexy, and even if I could control the heat somewhat, I wouldn’t risk looking at him too long. What if my anger got replaced by lust? That couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it, even if I was in heat and had the perfect excuse.
“You can’t quit,” Caleb yelled, following me and shoving in even when I tried to close the door.
Giving up on keeping him out, I went to my dresser to grab clothes and turned in time to see him sway at the door. Oh no. Oh, no, no, no. Not now.
Not again, I thought, even as my body went hot and a ripple of need hit me. It was so strong I gasped and felt my nipples tighten, especially when Caleb growled low in his throat and sniffed, a rumbled purr leaving him.
“Well, I do oh.” I moaned, a gasp of need leaving me when he lunged for me, his mouth settling over mine before I could think twice.
It was so good, so good and right, and I couldn’t form a coherent thought. All I felt wanted and needed was Caleb Chase, and when he pinned me to the bed and started to rip my clothes off, I suddenly didn’t care about why I shouldn’t do this.
This was his mouth on my nipples, sucking, licking, and turning my body into a writhing mass of quivering need. The wanting to grow stronger when he licked down and dove between my legs, settling his mouth over my clit and making love to my sex with a zeal that had me seeing stars.
“Oh. Shit.” I yelled, an orgasm wracking me so fast and hard that I blew up and let out a scream of pleasure.
“So good. Always so wet. Fuck.” Caleb groaned, diving back in to suck on me in a way that made me feel like this wasn’t just sex.
Where I came from, oral sex was normal, but Trey had told me that for males in the Walker pack and some other shifter packs, it was considered special and something a male did with his female.
Knowing it now, I couldn’t help but tense up despite how good it felt. What if Caleb regretted it again later? What if…
“God, you taste so fucking good I could eat you all day.” Caleb groaned, cutting off my thoughts by plunging his tongue into me.
I whimpered, unable to think about anything but the way it felt, and when he suddenly flipped me onto my stomach and licked me from behind, I stopped thinking at all.
Right there. Sweet Jesus, there, I moaned silently, bumping back so that I was practically riding his face like a wanton. I needed this. Oh please, just this once, I thought, panting through another orgasm so strong, I felt like I was floating. After it ended and my toes were officially curled, I felt a hot, hard body slide over mine and pin me.
“Going to fuck you now, baby,” Caleb growled, his voice an inhuman rumble as he spread my legs further, and something slick and hard prodded at my entrance.
Holding my breath because I was burning alive and nearly pained with the need for more, I let out a puff of air when he pressed forward and filled me.
His girth stretched me to the point of near pain and then right back into ecstasy, and I whined my pleasure.
I couldn’t think clearly, could only feel every scrape and silken glide as he invaded me and then pulled back with a growl before pushing back inside.
“Oh.” I moaned, unable to suppress the sound of pleasure that filled me and bubbled up.
It felt so good, so good and right, and I sobbed as Caleb took me, his hips snapping hard, his big hands biting into my hips when he lifted me and started to pound deeper. Harder. Faster.
“So tight. So damned hot and tight and silky. Take it.” He rasped, his tongue licking up my spine where he nuzzled into my neck and grunted.
His pounding thrusts sped up, growing in momentum until all I heard was slapping flesh and his growls of pleasure.
“Ah!”
I yelled out as it built, my sex clenching and sucking down as bliss took over and shivered through my womb, easing the burning ache deep within. It felt so good I floated as the waves continued and then ebbed, settling into a soft quake before Caleb grunted and stiffened, pulling out with a curse.
I would have hated that. I really would have, but I was incapable of logical thought for a good minute while pleasure filled me. Rolling over as soon as I could move, I looked over to see Caleb dressing so fast, his hands nearly blurred.
“Be at work in the morning.” He said, avoiding my eyes as he zipped his jeans.
Be at work?
I snorted at the rough command while my eyes fell closed and then listened as he left without another word. Or a cuddle.
Dammit, what was wrong with me? Had I just lain here and let him screw me and leave, I wondered, groaning when I couldn’t lie to myself.
“Nice.” I huffed, torn between satiation and disgust.
Hard to feel disgusted when you just had the best sex of your life.
“Yeah. But still. That wasn’t a good idea. I’m supposed to be done with Caleb, not having sex and then pretending it didn’t happen! I am officially done now. No more.”
Okay then. You tell me how that works out, my inner voice laughed, making me mutter a curse and turn over to snuggle into my pillow.
This sucked, and as I tried to block out the world, it occurred to me just how silly I was. I wanted to rage and go into a rant about…
Stupid Caleb.
Stupid freaking heat.
But the truth was…stupid…me.
If I was going to be upset, I had to examine my role in all of this and admit that I’d participated fully and very willingly. It seemed I kept letting myself fall under the spell of lust I felt whenever Caleb was near, and when I was done, I ended up hurt.
What I was going to do now, I didn’t know, but with my hat assuaged, for now, all I wanted to do was sleep. So that’s what I decided to do as I shut off my thoughts, snuggled closer to the pillow, and closed my eyes.
I was going to sleep, and I wasn’t going to obsess about my feelings or Caleb Chase and what an asshole he was.
No matter how much I wanted to.