Ren’s [POV]
I didn’t say a word as I slid a heaping plate of bacon, eggs, toast, and fried sausage toward Caleb. Yesterday morning was awful after I finally got the courage to walk downstairs and face him. I was embarrassed and confused, and without talking, I had no explanation for why…
I mean, he kissed me! He’d gone down on me until I’d seen stars, and now he was acting as if nothing happened? Blowing out a breath, I grabbed my plate and took a seat further down the table, powering through the food. For once, I didn’t enjoy it or relish the luxury of it. I just wanted to get through it and start working so I could go home.
Avoiding his gaze, I rose with my empty plate and shoved it in the dishwasher, telling myself I needed to stop this. I had no right to be upset. So what if we…it happened. It was nothing. Just a man and a woman…
“You busy today?” Caleb asked softly, startling me out of my attempts to pep up and move on.
Flushing, because why wouldn’t I blush and embarrass myself more, I turned to meet his gaze and nodded.
“It’s linen day, and I found that fancy carpet shampooer in the basement closet. Figured I’d do a deep clean on the guestrooms.”
“Oh, yeah. Sounds good. I uh…I could help.”
“Uh, no. These things just go faster if I do them my way.”
I shrugged, hot-footing it out of there before I did or said something that would humiliate me even more. I didn’t need that, and I kept reminding myself of that as I spent the day cleaning like a demon to work off my mad.
Go down on me and then look at me like I have the plague. Well, guess what, buddy, I don’t need your shit, I hissed as I cleaned and raged inside.
All while avoiding Caleb, who had suddenly developed a need to follow me around constantly. I was so tense at one point I contemplated ‘accidentally’ bumping his ass down the stairs. And watching him roll down every step.
“Can’t you just…go work on your paintings?” I huffed nearly four, my patience on its last thread as I walked into the kitchen and started to prepare his dinner.
“You could stay for dinner?”
“Uh, no. I have stuff.” I huffed, unable to meet his eyes, before turning away
Caleb hung around for another minute, a silent presence, and then I heard him sigh before he left. The relief of his absence was a heavy ache within me as I turned back to prep and told myself that I didn’t care about his dinner invite. Okay, so I sort of did, but today had been so terrible I’d happily find something to do at home if it meant I could escape and go lick my wounds. Alone.
By the time five hit, I was so…scattered and sad and just angry at myself I didn’t bother to say goodbye.
“You leaving? I can give you a lift.” I heard as I stepped out onto the front porch and nearly fell down the steps when I found Caleb waiting in a rocker.
“No, thanks. I like the walk.”
“Ren”
“You have a good night.” I cut in, unwilling to talk.
He had all damn day to talk, and now he wanted to…what? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care as I waved over my shoulder and took off, power-walking my way home in a fit of anger. Reaching my trailer, I felt a little better.
Now that’s a lie.
“Yeah, well, lying to myself is sort of a thing,” I grumbled, slamming the door behind me and kicking off my shoes.
After eating one of the Ramen bowls I’d bought with the coupons from Ted Asherby, I spent the rest of the night tidying to keep busy. See. I had the stuff to do, and it meant I wasn’t obsessing about Caleb and his tongue. Stupid man. What an asshole. Was I not…good, I wondered, old worries, hurts and hang-ups plaguing me.
Hissing and cursing soundly, I took a quick shower and then fell into bed. I was still so mad I was surprised when I dropped off to sleep almost immediately.
“…hooooooo!”
Shooting up from a dead sleep, I panted and looked around the dark room, confused by what had woken me. Bewildered and still half asleep, I listened, shaking my head to clear my fuzzy thoughts. When something hit the side of my trailer, and a loud howl followed, I scrambled back against the headboard and whimpered. Someone was out there, I thought, as fear skittered down my spine when I heard another thump.
“Oh, God,” I whispered, my heart pounding harder when thump after thump quaked around me, the banging coming so loud and fast it became a cacophony of chaos.
It’s okay. Just crawl under the bed!
Hell no. Shift. We can take ’em!
“Shush.” I gasped, my eyes darting as I sat still and tried to track the movements I heard outside.
Breathing slowly so I didn’t hyperventilate and pass out, I listened intently. Gulping, I heard four distinctive movement patterns out there. Four. Because the Sheppard brothers were probably out there and ready to come in here and tear me.
“Stop that.” I sobbed, my chest aching from the harsh beat of my heart while tears filled my eyes and terror tried to choke me.
“Serendipity.”
I screeched when I heard the hiss just outside my little window and scuttled back with fright when laughter whispered through the ensuing silence. I was so scared I could barely think straight, and it was only when I had my phone clutched in my hand, with Caleb’s number brought up, that I calmed enough to think clearly.
I couldn’t call Caleb, and as frightened as I was, I knew that this was something I had to do for myself. If nothing else, I was going to prove I could take care of myself. Plus, well, the more my fears grew, the angrier I became.
“I’m so sick and tired of this. So tired of them taking and taking and taking, and then they think it’s okay. Fuck that.” I snarled the hurt, fear, and anger I’d been carrying around for months coalescing until I felt like I was going to explode with it.
I was done, Goddammit. So done with men walking over me and thinking it was okay because I was nice and small and weak. I wasn’t weak, dammit. And I was so fucking done being afraid.
Now Renny.
“First, he hurts me, breaks my heart, and takes my baby away, and now these idiots are harassing me? Enough. I’ve had a day from hell. Caleb hurt my feelings, and now this? No, fucking, thank you!” I snarled, slinging the covers back and stalking to the closet while pure rage filled me.
Now honey.
“I deserve to be loved, dammit. I’m a good person, and I treat people with kindness and decency. I don’t deserve to be harassed and treated like a second-class citizen!” I screamed, grabbing Shane’s old shotgun and loading it with shells.
Honey. Erm, listen, you need to calm down-
“Fuck that,” I yelled, my bare feet thwacking against the old linoleum when I stomped to the door.
Disengaging the locks, I kicked the door wide and glared, daring someone to be there as I shucked the shotgun. One step and I was outside, so ready to kill someone, if I weren’t so pissed, I’d second guess my zeal for murder.
“You wanna play tonight, you bastards!” I screamed, pointing the gun around the empty yard and shooting at the dirt to let them know I was serious. “Come on! We can play. We can play all night fucking long. You wanna scare someone? That isn’t me, not anymore. Come on out here and let me see you, big, tough men. I’ll fill your asses right up and drag your filthy carcasses home to that old asshole you call a mother. Come on!” I yelled, twisting and so intent on shooting something, when I realized I was alone, it just pissed me off even more.
“Fucking cowards,” I yelled, storming back inside without engaging one lock.
Um, okay. So that was interesting.
“I’m so done letting men walk all over me and use me and hurt me.” I snarled, slamming the gun down and glaring at the door as if daring anyone to come through it now.
Babe. That was just…
Crazy, my wolf whispered, her shock and bewilderment finally penetrating enough that I fell back into the corner of the kitchen, my adrenalin crashing so fast I felt shaky.
“You could have been killed,” I whispered to myself, skipping between shock and the lingering anger that seemed to have set up residence inside me.
Yeah, well, you weren’t. You were awesome! So awesome, and now, people will know you’re not just some cowering baby. Good job, honey. Good job.
I snorted, not sure I should be okay with my inner crazy praising me. What I did know, as I cowered in the corner in shock, was that I was so done being afraid, and the next time someone thought they could hurt me, they were going to regret it.