Ren’s [POV]
Just another day at work in the basement, folding clothes, and I was fine, I told myself, hoping it was true. In reality, I wasn’t fine, and it wasn’t only because I was pissed at Caleb. Oh no, I had other fish to fry on top of my emotional stewing, and thinking about Caleb only made this particular problem worse.
“A few more hours.” I gasped, my head splitting, my body aching and so hot, I felt like I was burning up from the inside out.
Ignoring the sickness and cursing my body to hell, I kept folding clothes and trying to ward off thoughts. I didn’t want to think today, not when I’d just gotten my period and not when I was so emotionally raw it was hard to keep the tears at bay.
Ever since the morning, I was attacked at the grocery store, Caleb and I had been…I didn’t know. He was around, but he seemed to be…not avoiding me, but pulling away from our fledgling friendship a little. Dealing with that hadn’t been easy, and the last thing I needed on top of my feelings about Caleb was to start my period. Menstruation was always awful for me, ever since.
“No!” I hissed, my eyes filling with tears as memories sprang up.
Oh honey, avoiding it won’t solve anything.
Sighing, I agreed with my inner voice, even if it was hard to accept. If I thought about why my period killed me every month and why I felt this way, and just why I’d break down and sob so hard I wouldn’t be able to stop.
You lost your baby, Ren, and it’s made your body even more determined to breed. Don’t avoid the truth. Let it all out, and then let yourself heal.
“What are you, Dr. Phil!” I snarled, trying to start an argument because it beat where she was going with this.
Babe, don’t be an asshole. It hurt me too, ya know. I was there when Shane locked you in the bedroom of that shitty trailer and nearly starved you for a week. I was there when your lips and throat were so dry it hurt to breathe, and I was there when the bleeding started, and we lost Peanut. It hurt us all.
“I don’t wanna talk about this!”
Well, we do. Tell her, Wolfy. Tell her we also have feelings.
I sniffed, guilt eating at me because I’d never considered what losing the baby did to my other side. Thinking about it now, I realized just how much it must have hurt her when I miscarried.
I was sorry now and guilty as hell. But that didn’t mean I was ready to have some deeply emotional moments and revisit the heartache. I just couldn’t. Not even to apologize to my wolf for overlooking her part in everything.
“It wasn’t even really a baby yet,” I whispered, my eyes burning with fresh tears because that didn’t make me feel any better.
I didn’t know what was worse for me. Having period symptoms that would kill a human woman in an hour sucked. Bleeding as if I had been shanked in the vagina was no party. But this feeling like my heart was breaking every time it happened, though, was the worst part.
It was our baby.
Yeah, it was, but I couldn’t afford to think about this, and as I picked up the shirt to start folding again, I hurt so much that it was hard to breathe.
Gasping when another cramp tore through me, I panted and tried to tell myself I welcomed the pain. It was a distraction I needed from the grief, and I clung to it now, almost desperately. It hurt, though, and when another cramp lanced through my womb, I sucked in a breath.
My temperature spiked, sending another cramp shivering through me, and I weaved as black spots danced in my vision. I must have blacked out at some point because the next thing I knew was a hard, steady beat beneath my ear. Forcing one eye to open to a slit, I saw Caleb’s concerned eyes flash into mine and moaned again. I felt wretched and so cold that my bones hurt.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’ll warm you up.” He murmured when I moaned and pressed closer, trying to crawl into his body for the heat.
“Need to go,” I mumbled, my words at odds with my actions because I didn’t want to go, even if my logic told me I should.
“You’re not going anywhere.” He growled, dropping my legs but keeping a tight hold on me before he started to strip me.
Gasping, my eyes widened, and embarrassment rose when Caleb yanked my clothes off, took care of his own, and then picked me up again to stalk into the shower.
Relief swept through me as the warmth covered me, staving off some of the pain from the chills, but I moaned again when another pain curled through me. Only it wasn’t just cramping. It was something far worse. Need.
“Caleb.”
“Don’t talk. You’re in pain, and you’re sick. Let me fix it.” He said, letting me stand while he used one strong arm to keep me up and pinned to him.
Trapped, I fought the growing need that rose, vying for supremacy even as my uterus felt like it was being ripped out by claws. I was also mortified as I leaned heavily against him, and the scent of blood rose in the air. My blood. Because my tampon was overfull, something shifter females battled with a lot since we only bled for a day. It was so heavy though that most of us didn’t leave our homes for that one day a month.
“What?”
I gasped, trying to pull away when I felt Caleb reach between my thighs from behind and yank at the string. Ignoring my struggles, he tugged gently until my body released the tampon and tossed it away. He did it so easily, without hesitating. While I watched it land with a squelch in the corner of the shower, my face was on fire with embarrassed horror.
“Let it all bleed out.” he crooned, hugging me tightly while I sagged because the release was such a relief, I felt weak with it.
Blushing, I ignored it all and focused on the easing in my womb, my relief so great I sagged and moaned when a gentle ache replaced the cramping.
“This is so embarrassing.” I choked, needing a distraction from the tight clench between my legs and the throb that spurred a pulsing in my clit.
“Nothing embarrassing about it, babe. Females bleed, and their males take care of them.”
“Yeah, but I’m not…” I croaked, wincing when he reached down to wash me between my legs.
It was so intimate, so…sexy that he wasn’t freaked out by this. I closed my eyes and took it all in. Caleb was hard, not that I was surprised. Shifter men, no shifter males, were always extremely turned on by bleeding. When I heard Caleb mutter about how hot and swollen I’d be inside, I bit into my lip and suppressed a shiver of lust.
We couldn’t do this. He…this was just hormones, I told myself as we stood under the spray for what felt like hours. When the water finally cooled, and I’d stopped bleeding, Caleb helped me out of the shower and dried me off before tending to himself and lifting me into his arms.
We both remained silent as he laid me in his bed and then walked off, giving me a view of his perfect ass. When he came back, wearing a pair of loose blue sweats, I shivered and closed my eyes. I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and then I stopped trying when I felt him slide in behind me and gather me close, giving me his heat and a level of caring I’d never had before.
“Caleb.”
“It’s okay, Ren. Sleep.” He said gently, squeezing me as my eyes slammed shut and sleep invaded. “It’s going to be okay.”
I don’t think it is, my inner voice whispered, her purr of pleasure seeping through me as I wiggled back and felt Caleb’s hardness pressing into my ass cheeks.
Feeling a lot more than I should and knowing Caleb, I knew this could only lead to one thing for me. Heartbreak.
And yet, I still welcomed him as he held me close and offered me…everything.
At least everything Caleb was willing to give.