Ren’s [POV]
I was bored. Sure there were things to do, and I should be doing them, but if I had to look at that hallway closet again, I would scream. It was just so overwhelming, and even after having cleared half of it and finding homes for the junk Caleb called his stuff, there was a boatload of organizing to do.
“You could bake,” I murmured, immediately grimacing and nixing the idea because I’d baked yesterday and had to deal with Caleb stomping around, barking at me, and demanding to know what I was doing.
What kind of asshole didn’t like baked goods? Even worse, he seemed to hate chocolate cake and warned me if I even thought of making one, he’d rip the oven out of the wall and toss it out.
Sighing because I didn’t want to know what’d crawled up his ass, I looked around the kitchen and groaned. It’d been a few days since my first disastrous day of work, and I was settling in. I’d learned to ignore Caleb’s outrageous moods and had eventually cleaned up the mess he’d left in the hallway. And yes, I nearly scalped him because he’d found out my dirty secret before I could fix it, and it was galling.
Now he probably thought I was a slob just like him, and that just made me want to scream.
“Dammit, don’t go there. Do something.” I mumbled my jitters down to one thing and one thing alone.
Caleb was gone for at least a little while, and I was itching to go into his studio. Which I wouldn’t do because one of the rules on his stupid fridge list was that I had to stay out of his ‘personal’ areas.
I’d love to explore his areas.
“Would you stop?” I moaned, shaking my head to rid it of images of Caleb naked and me on my knees.
Nope. Not going there. We’re going to be friends, I told my wolf and inner nuttier self resolutely, tapping my foot nervously until I snapped and found myself outside, staring at his studio door.
“Don’t do it, Ren,” I whined, even as I reached for the door and pulled it open quickly as if that made it acceptable.
It didn’t, and I should feel guilty, but I was way too curious to dwell on it as I peeked inside and then froze, my breath stalling in my lungs.
“Oh shit.”
Oh, shit, indeed. Girl, what the hell kinda crazy is this?
I shook my head, unable to answer my inner beasts, as I stepped inside and took in portrait after portrait of the same woman. She had red hair the color of autumn leaves, green eyes so bright I found myself envying them, and an air about her that made me wonder. I mean, not that she wasn’t perfectly gorgeous, but something about her was so cold in every portrait, I shivered as I walked in closer and peered at them.
“I know.” I breathed, gulping down a sniffle of sadness.
I had married Shane and wouldn’t call it a mating like most shifters do because I understand one thing I can no longer deny; we hadn’t loved each other, and nothing about our lives could have been deemed normal for shifters. I’d never shifted with Shane and run through the woods under the moonlight. We also hadn’t bonded, he’d never bitten me to claim me, and I’d never gone past the initial stages of heat with him.
This…what I saw here was just terrible, and I felt so badly for Caleb because I got it now. He’d loved this woman in ways nothing but this mysterious fasting could explain, and the sad truth was, he probably still did.
“What the hell are you doing in here!” I heard a gasp leaving me as I twisted and saw a furious Caleb standing in the doorway, glaring.
“Cleaning? Um, doing my job. Yup. I was just in here…?” I whispered, tension filling me before I reminded myself that Caleb wasn’t Shane and I didn’t have to be afraid. “Look, I uh…can we be friends? I know you don’t like me yet, but I was hoping…” I babbled, my nerves turning my bladder to quivering jelly.
“What?” he huffed, stalking closer to look at the portraits with a glare.
“We should be friends. I mean, why not, right? We both get what it’s like to be hurt, and I’m around to talk. I’m a great listener too! Even if I talk a lot. That’s just nervous babbling, I swear. Plus, I like you. You’re nice.” I stammered, blushing so hard my cheeks felt like they were burning.
Caleb stared at me, his thick beard twitching before he sighed loudly and dropped his chin to his chest. When his shoulders started shaking, I chewed into my lip and regretted everything I’d said. Maybe I shouldn’t have come in here. Had I hurt his feelings by seeing just how sad he was?
I don’t want him to cry. I wailed discomfort and uncertainty, making me twitch on the spot and eye the door.
I could run, and we could both pretend this didn’t happen, I told myself, this time having a solo conversation because the crazies had vanished as soon as Caleb showed up. Cowards.
“I, uh, I’m so sorry this is upsetting to you. I’ll just go.” I murmured, nervously stepping closer to the door until I froze at the sound of something that shocked me.
It couldn’t be…laughter, I told myself. Could it?
Turning, I watched Caleb’s body shake silently before he threw his head back and roared with laughter.
“Are you laughing?” I choked, uncertainty filling me when he continued to chuckle and shook his head, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Oh, fuck. I just can’t. Nice! She thinks I’m nice.” Caleb laughed, turning to me while he bellowed with glee.
Frowning because while I liked this side of him, I didn’t appreciate being laughed at, I glared darkly.
“Stop that! What’s so funny?” I yelled, torn between shock and disgust.
Part of me cringed because I had learned long ago never to yell at a man, but there was still enough of me left that I felt offended as I glared at Caleb and let my anger show.
I hated being laughed at and felt like a fool for being concerned just moments ago, but I was also really…awed as he laughed and showed me a side of him that made the last vestiges of my fear ease a little more. It told me that Caleb Chase was a lot more than I’d assumed he was and that maybe, he was less damaged than I had thought.
That didn’t mean I appreciated being laughed at, and I glowered when he kept snickering.
“Caleb! Stop laughing at me.”
“Nope. Listen up, Tinkerbelle,” he chuckled, his laughter slowing and eventually tapering off. “I am not nice, and I most certainly wouldn’t ever cry. You need to stop talking to yourself. It’s funny as hell, and the things you let people know…” he snickered when I blushed and moaned softly.
“I, I’m gonna go.”
“No, you’re not. Do you want to be friends? Fine. Jesus, I can’t imagine why I’m doing this, but you know what? You’re right. We should be friends.” He sighed, finally calming enough to gaze at me with a softness that floored me. “Walker and Cole told me about your ex. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Gulping, I nodded.
“Yeah, well, that’s over. You, however,” I waved at the portraits he’d stacked together, facing away. “That…that’s not…healthy,” I whispered, rolling my eyes when Caleb frowned and bared his teeth to show me his sharp canines.
“You shouldn’t”
“Do a lot of things. I know. But real friends tell friends the truth, and since I’m going to be your friend, I’m going to tell you the hard truth. Your ex has moved on. That sucks, man, but it’s true, and that means it’s over. Painting her obsessively isn’t mentally or emotionally healthy. You need to at least try to move on, so we’re going to add some rules to your list for you to follow. Number one is, no more painting her.” I told him determinedly, tense until Caleb grimaced and nodded.
“Number two, you’re going to come out of here more often. I get that you like art, but staying in here all day isn’t”
“Healthy,” Caleb growled, his eyes twinkling when I blushed and inclined my head while rolling my eyes.
“Exactly. Rule three is you’re going to talk a lot more. I’m easy to talk to, and I won’t tell anyone anything you tell me. Also, you should think about trying more with people. Just because she left”
“She didn’t just leave, Ren. That’s what you and most others can’t understand. We were bonded. Fasting means that we bonded on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. Losing her was like having a part of me ripped out and left bleeding. It was a wound most don’t recover from”
“Like someone dying,” I whispered, smiling sadly when he nodded. “And now?”
I asked softly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer because the truth was, I liked Caleb, and I may have been just the tiniest bit jealous. It wasn’t rational, but then again, it was me. When have I ever been rational?
“Now I’m…okay. My wolf was the one who went nuts. After…after Walker found me, my wolf has been silent. He’s still there but weak, and that’s how I’m keeping him. I won’t ever risk going feral again, and that part of me…”
I inclined my head with understanding but thought it was so sad that to survive what had happened, Caleb sort of had to kill a part of himself. Choking back tears, I found a smile and tipped my head towards the door.
“Cookies and milk or coffee?” I asked, hope blooming within me when Caleb sighed loudly and gave me a small smile.
“Milk. I’m a growing shifter.”
Yes, he was. My growing shifter friend.
My first friend.