Ren’s [POV]
My heart raced with each thump a bruising thud that made my blood rush all the harder and burn through my already straining lungs. Loud thuds echoed over the pounding rain, the icy sheets slapping into my skin like knives that I ignored because I couldn’t stop.
If I did, I was done. I knew it as surely as I was running out of ground.
“Ren!”
Oh God, no. Please no. Help me.
I begged, praying with a desperation that made the words run together, even as I slipped over the slick ground and nearly careened into a tree. I had to get away, I just had to, and the thought wasn’t just one of desperate fear but also pure rage. How could I have been stupid enough to stay here after everything Shane had done? I should have gone back home.
But, no. If I had, if I’d slunk home to my old pack after a failed mating and admitted to mama that I’d made a mistake in marrying Shane…
I couldn’t fathom the nightmare my life would have become then.
Run, Ren. Just stop thinking and run!
I obeyed my wolf, forcing my limbs to pick up speed even though every move, every step, and every breath was becoming agony the longer I ran through the trees, darting through shadows, ignoring the violence above as the skies erupted over me.
All I could think about as I ran for freedom and tried to ignore the sound of Shane’s pursuit was escape. Though my muscles burned beneath frozen skin and leaden limbs, I kept running. If I’d shifted, I’d be gone already. I may have been a lot smaller than my abusive ex, but where he dominated with size and strength, I made up for it with speed.
But I didn’t shift, I reminded myself, my lungs wheezing, burning, screaming. There’d been no time to shift when I’d gotten home to my trailer and sensed Shane nearby. I’d panicked, and instead of thinking as I should have, I’d run, and in so doing, I’d screwed myself over.
Now I was fully human, running from a man a lot bigger and stronger than me, and the minute my muscles gave up, which wasn’t far off, he’d have me. And then…
Well, then I was in deep shit, and I knew it, I thought, a gasp of fear leaving me as lightning split the sky so hard it penetrated the dark canopy and lit up the trees around me. Ahead, I saw into the coming gloom, and what I saw scared me and thrilled me.
An edge. A cliff was coming up. Not far now, I thought as I kept running and shivered despite the molten burn in my legs.
“It’s okay, Ren. It’s okay.” I panted as a plan formed.
No. I can’t…
It’s you or him, Renny. Remember what he said last time?
I choked back a scream of terror when his words filtered through my panicked mind, and another clap of thunder hit, the blaze of light that followed turning the inky night into a horror scene as the cliff edge grew closer.
I couldn’t do this. It was wrong, but even as I had the thought, I felt something scrape against my shoulder and heard the growl of my living nightmare. It was too close. Shane was too close, and as another jagged streak of lightning hit and I broke through the trees, I had a split-second decision to make.
It wasn’t easy, but the answer came as soon as the question formed in my mind. I couldn’t let anything bad happen, even if…
Dragging in a breath that blazed through my screaming lungs like a raging fire, I darted left and turned, ready to tell Shane what was ahead. I screamed instead and twisted as he lunged at me and then screamed louder as I watched a man I swore I would always love plunge over the edge…
“Would you snap out of it!” I yelled, shaking off the memory so hard I was left panting in the front seat of my car.
This particular memory was a nightmare for me. Part memory, part…I didn’t even know what to call it but I knew that I if kept letting it intrude, I’d never get over that night. Heck, it was a miracle I was still sane after that harrowing ordeal, and despite everything Walker had said to me in the intervening month, it was a miracle that I was alive.
But I wouldn’t think about that. I couldn’t sit here, in my car, in front of a prospective employment opportunity, reliving the night my ex tried to kill me and ended up jumping to his death.
Besides, it wasn’t my fault.
He chased me. He was going to hurt me, and to be fair to myself, I was going to try to save him, even knowing I was in danger.
“Just stop this, Ren. It’s over. He’s dead. You are not to blame. What you need to focus on now is getting this job.” I snarled, blowing out a breath as I stared at the house in front of me and prayed for help.
I needed this job, and it didn’t matter that I was terrified at the prospect of leaving my trailer where safety waited and beckoned me. What mattered was landing this job, not thinking about Shane, who killed himself when he tried to grab me and ended up leaping over the edge of a cliff.
So I would do this and forget that I woke up nightly, tormented by dreams of that night. Dreams that were only slightly more nightmarish because my mind twisted the memory of them and added things that didn’t belong.
Job! Think about the job, I hissed before forcing myself to let go of the wheel and leave the car.
“Don’t freak out, don’t freak out. Just don’t freak out. This is fine. It’s good. We’re fine.” I whispered as I left my small beat-up car and walked towards the house, every nerve I owned was drawn so tight I felt as if I was about to snap in half.
I couldn’t, though. I needed to be strong for once in my life and do this because if I didn’t, I was going to be homeless, pack less, and then die because when you accidentally killed your ex-husband…
Technically, I did no such thing. But did people believe me when I told them that fool, who was stalking me and terrorizing me, by the way, ran off a cliff all by himself? No. Everyone just assumed I had something to do with it, and dammit, I didn’t.
All I did was run when I got home to my trailer and discovered him waiting for me. It wasn’t my fault he followed me, and it wasn’t my fault I was fast enough to dart away from the edge of the cliff when he threw himself at me.
“Just breathe,” I told myself as I climbed the steps to the big house, a farm-style place that weirdly fit in the middle of the trees.
I mean, it’s weird not to be coming to a cabin-style place, seeing as we lived in Montana in the middle of wilderness country, but I kinda liked that Caleb Chase’s home isn’t like other people’s homes. It meant he was different, and different is good.
It meant he wasn’t like other people.
“Feral,” I whispered, shaking my head hard to get rid of the thought because that wasn’t fair.
So what if the man was feral at one time? It’s normal for males of our kind to lose it when they lose a mate, although, from what Grammy told me, Caleb’s mate didn’t die. She rejected him, severed their mating, and when she did, it severed the bond they’d formed.
I’d heard of fated mates before; of course, I had, but to be honest, I’d never believed in it. Grammy had always told me it was true but coming from a pack and a generation where ratings just didn’t happen, I’d started to believe they were just fairy tales, the same as those stories of manic, wild beasts of men who killed indiscriminately when they went feral.
“Shut up. Just shut up. You’re scaring yourself.” I groaned, chewing at my lip as I lifted my fist and knocked on the door before I could change my mind.
I had to do this, whether I was afraid or not, so there was no point in holding off. If I didn’t get this job, Alpha Walker would have to banish me, and when he did, I’d be at the mercy of the Sheppard family. Without Walker’s protection and the strength of the Enforcers here, I’d be left to their mercies, and God helps a girl. Those animals have no mercy.
“It’s gonna be okay though. I’ll get this job, and I’ll be fine. Maybe I could even rent a small cabin closer here instead of going home to my old trailer where I once lived with Shane.”
The thought made me shiver, memories trying to intrude, but I shoved them away, determined, and squared my shoulders. I didn’t want to think about my ex, the hell our marriage was, or the fact that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life by moving here and marrying him.
That was in the past, and I was leaving that where it belonged. Just like I wouldn’t think about Caleb Chase as the monster people seemed to think of him. Or was? It was confusing, and I couldn’t be blamed because most of what I knew was the result of gossip. Not that people talked to me to gossip, mind you.
“Alpha Walker wouldn’t have sent you here if it wasn’t safe.” I reminded myself, and now I did feel better and even managed one of my smiles.
I felt better as I reminded myself it was okay, over and over, and waited for the door to open. When it didn’t, I cleared my throat and knocked again, keeping my nerves down.
“Hello?” I called, when there was still no answer, checking my watch.
It was twelve oh-eight, and I knew the interview was set for twelve sharp. Maybe Caleb Chase forgot? I mean, people forget things all the time, I assured myself when I knocked again louder and called out. I wouldn’t leave before I’d gotten this job. I’d promised Alpha Walker I wouldn’t, and dammit, I kept my promises.
“Hello? Uh, Mr. Chase? I’m here for the housekeeping job?” I called again, my stomach turning to stone when another few minutes yielded nothing but silence and the still, very closed door.
Dammit. Where is he?
I should probably just sit on the porch and wait, I thought, figuring he’d gone running an errand or something, but I’d never been one to wait. Mama once told me I’m impatient as heck; she said I was so impatient I came a month early.
Sighing because thinking about her hurt the most, I shook my head and skipped down the porch steps, taking a left once I reached the ground again. The house, a nice little farm style that was white with black shutters, curved into a little workshop or extension. Following it, I tiptoed my sneaker-clad feet around the corner and slowly, oh, so slowly, made my way toward an open door.