EMMA
Nothing feels the same.
I think that’s the hardest part of all of this.
Everything is weird and I can’t stand it. Even Lily has been looking at me all day like I’ve lost my mind. I don’t think anyone is buying the sickness lie I’m trying to spin.
I’ve been out of action for way too long for that to be believable, but what else am I supposed to say? I can’t let anyone know the truth of who I really am.
I don’t want to be here really. Not like I used to.
I don’t have the same love in my heart.
That’s not to say that I don’t like helping people because of course I do. All I want to do is help, but my life isn’t my own at the moment.
Now I have three freaking bodyguards, but I still don’t know if that will be enough.
Things between the Lucchese’s and my family aren’t good, and I can’t see them getting better any time soon.
It doesn’t matter how much I want to escape my family and the criminal life that surrounds them, it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to. Speaking to my dad did not go well, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to be able to control me forever from here on out.
“You good?” Lily asks me, but she keeps her distance from me. I want to scream at her that I don’t have anything contagious, but what’s the point? “Yeah, I think,” I sigh.
“You sure? Because I know you were throwing up earlier on.” I can almost feel the blood drain out of my body when she says this.
I didn’t think anyone had heard me.
Will Lily pick up on the secret I don’t want anyone to know?
“Oh, I… I wasn’t sick. Just gagging. I think my body still thinks I’m ill.”
I try to laugh, but I’m definitely not pulling it off well.
Lily frowns at me. “So, you really just got away from the guy with the gun? Then you were sick?”
“Yeah. Crazy, I know. I think the cops got him, though, so we don’t need to worry about him coming back. He’s in jail now.”
Shit, Owen really has made all of this so hard for me.
Did he know that he was leaving me behind in a massive shit show?
“Well, my night shift is over,” Lily tells me with a shrug. I can feel the iciness coming from her. She’s definitely going to be keeping her distance from me. “So I guess good luck.”
She turns her back on me and stalks out, leaving me on my own in the clinic. I’m hoping that today will be easier than the overnight shift, which is why I’ve come today.
I just want to ease myself back into things. Slowly but surely.
With a deep sigh, I settle into my chair and slide my eyes closed, trying to calm down the intense thumping that’s in my head already.
I know that I have a lot to do here-I am fully aware of that-but first I need to stop feeling so overwhelmed. It’s killing me.
I’m a strong woman, a kick ass nurse, I can do this.
Still, it takes me a little bit to gather up the strength.
The first thing I decide to do is take out the trash. Mostly because I need some fresh air.
I’m surprised by how dark it is outside. It’s still not time for the sun to rise yet. I guess my perception of time got a little skewed because of how long I’ve been out of the picture.
Being kidnapped will really do that to a person.
But I don’t think a person should miss being kidnapped.
Truth be told, my time with Owen is the most alive I have ever felt.
It’s the most like me I have ever felt.
And now I have a permanent reminder of that time.
I cradle my stomach, wondering what will happen with my baby and me. I just have no idea right now. No one knows, and that is terrifying.
People will find out eventually, I just don’t know what to say and how to make it all right. I don’t know how to make it not messy.
I don’t know how to make any of my life not messy.
“Oh my God!”
I got so lost in my thoughts then. It’s a shock when I almost trip over something splayed out on the floor by the trash cans of the clinic.
It takes me even longer to realize that it’s a body.
“Holy shit.”
I drop everything in my hands and bend down to try and help the person who either got hurt just outside the clinic, or just about managed to make it here for help.
Either way, I need to get this man inside.
“John,” I cry out, hoping that at least one of the guards can hear me. “John, help!”
As he comes to assist me, I’m grateful for the bodyguards for the very first time.
“Oh, what happened here?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t help him out here. We need to get him inside.”
It’s only when John carefully turns the man over to help get him inside quicker that the world crumbles underneath me. The floor that I’m balanced on seems to tilt and fall. I feel like I’m falling because of the dizziness for a little while.
I know that face.
It’s a face I didn’t ever expect to see again.
For a moment, I don’t know if I’m imagining him just because I want to see him so badly.
But nope, it’s definitely him.
Owen.
What the hell happened to Owen?
“No, actually, this isn’t going to work,” I insist. “We can’t take him into the clinic.”
“Why not?”
John’s wide eyes need an answer that I just can’t give him.
“He’s… he’s someone who has helped Dad in the past. Someone the cops can’t find.”
Please, don’t ask too many questions, I silently plead.
Thankfully, John is too well trained for that. “Okay, so where do we take him?” “My apartment.” The race is on.
I have to close up the clinic for the next person, which I hate doing, but this is an emergency. The police can not find Owen… that’s paramount.
Nor can whoever did this to him.
I’m sure John will have to tell my dad but I can’t worry about that at the moment.
I need to keep Owen alive.
What the hell happened to him? Why did he leave me for this?
And why did he come back?
My whole body is pounding with nerves as we finally get Owen through my front door. John puts him on the couch and looks at me expectantly for his next instructions.
I don’t know what he needs to do.
I don’t know what I’m about to do here.
“Erm, can you wait outside the door?” I ask him, my voice shaking like crazy. “I’ll let you know if I need anything. Is that cool?” I don’t know if he is, but he nods anyway.
Thank God.
I can see why it’s useful now to have guys on the payroll.
Once he’s gone, I grab my medical equipment and do what I can to clean Owen up, to see what’s going on underneath the surface.
It looks like he’s been stabbed a couple of times, but the wounds aren’t too deep, thank goodness. His wound from the ambush at the cabin has also been ripped open. He’s going to get through this fine.
My heart starts to calm down as I realize that while Owen looks bad, he’s going to be okay. He’s definitely going to be fine. I’m not going to lose him right now.
I don’t ever want to lose him.
Ever.
I know he ran away from me, and I do still kinda hate him for that, but if there was a reason behind it, some kind of reasonable explanation, then maybe we can work on things and move forwards.
He loves me.
I can’t forget about that.
I haven’t forgotten about that.
Owen doesn’t seem like the type of man to throw the L word around easily, but he said it to me. He told me that he loves me, which means something.
I love him too.
As soon as I allow that emotion to come flying free, unlocking the box I have kept it in ever since I met him, a weight lifts off my shoulders.
I love him and I don’t want to keep fighting that anymore.
Not only do I need Owen in my life, but our unborn baby does, too.
With my hand on my belly, a tear leaks down my cheek.
“Owen, please don’t slip away from me,” I murmur under my breath. I wish he could hear me, I wish he was here with me. “I need you. I want you. I love you.”
He cracks his eyes open, just a little bit, and peers at me. I don’t know if he can hear me, but I keep on talking anyway. It’s time to say everything that I’ve not been brave enough to say until now.
But nothing is guaranteed, so if I don’t speak now, it might never happen.
“I need you, and so does our baby, Owen. I’m pregnant.”
I take his hand and press it to my belly, wondering if he can pick up on what I’m saying. I don’t get any clue that he’s conscious enough, but I hope he senses that he’s wanted, that he’s needed. Me and our baby need him to fight and survive. No matter what.