It was like a big bucket of cold water had been thrown over my head. Pushing him off me I rushed off red faced and embarrassed.
“Fuck”. I heard him growl.
“Mommy I misseded you”. Bringing her little hands up she rubbed at her eyes. Even though she was only 3 she was highly intelligent for her age and her speech was remarkable.
“Missed you too baby. You want some hot milk?”. Brushing her hair out of her face she looked up at me with those big blue eyes. Eyes just like her fathers. I still couldn’t believe how much she looked like him and every time I looked at that precious little face all I could see was him.
“Yeah”. She squealed clapping her hands together. And that right there is what happens when I let her nap. “Come with you mommy?”.
Lifting her into my arms I took her into the kitchen area. With her sat on my hip I poured some milk into a pot and put it over the hob.
“Mommy you pretty”. She giggled causing me to laugh with her. “No honey you’re pretty”. Kissing her cheek, I could see him standing in the doorway. He was seeing the situation, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
“Okay monkey I need to put you down so I can sort your milk”. Placing her onto her feet I knew she was too busy staring at Blaze to answer me.
“Mommy who’s that?”. She was swaying on her feet, her thumb in her mouth. A thing she only ever did when she was frightened. After checking the temperature of her milk and putting it into her sippy cup I bent down beside her. He hadn’t moved from the doorway, his eyes still fixated on her, and something told me he was finally catching on.
“I’m Blaze sweetheart, what’s your name?”.
If he found out her name, then he would know she was his. It amazed me how he didn’t already know. Or maybe he did, and he was just waiting to see how long it would take for me to tell him.
Everleigh was his mom’s name.
“Mommy me tired”. Taking the cup from me she raised her arms for me to lift her. “Come on then baby”. Lifting her into my arms I caught the look he was giving me, and I didn’t miss it. But thankfully he didn’t say anything. He let me take our daughter to bed.
Once she was sound asleep and secure, I snuck out of the room. I couldn’t sleep my mind wouldn’t turn off. I was back here after I swore, I would never return. I needed to find a cigarette. One day back and already I’m picking bad habits back up.
Sneaking through the clubhouse I almost had a heart attack when I saw him. Sitting in the dark nursing a whiskey.
“You’ll find some in my cut pocket”. I couldn’t really see him more so his shadow and for that I was glad. I don’t know if I could handle the glare. “Always did like a smoke when you couldn’t sleep”.
I hated that he knew me so well.
“It’s hanging on the kitchen chair”.
Walking into the kitchen I got myself a smoke before taking a seat on the back step. I hadn’t been here in 4 years so why the hell did it feel like I had never left. The cool breeze was welcoming against my bare skin.
I knew instantly he was behind me, draping the blanket over my shoulders I bite the inside of my jaw.
“How old is she?”.
“She’s 3”. Taking a draw of my smoke I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Times the service tomorrow?”. I had to change the subject. I didn’t want to have the conversation that I knew was coming.
“What’s her name Ava?”.
“Please don’t do this Blaze not now”. I was feeling sick to my stomach. Stubbing out my cigarette I pushed myself up and closed the door behind me. Jumping slightly with how close he was I couldn’t look at him.
“What’s her name?”. He asked again.
“Blaze-…”
“What’s her fucking name”. He snapped.
“Everleigh her name is Everleigh”. Wiping the silent tear that slipped down my cheek I went to walk past him only for him to grab my wrist.
“Is she mine?”.
He was starting to scare me. I didn’t like this side of him. “You’re hurting me”. I cried trying to get out of his hold.
“Is she mine?”. He growled.
“Yes of course she’s yours”. I hissed. Pulling out of his grasp I went to storm off but again he trapped me.
“And you didn’t think to tell me. Jesus Ava I’ve missed 3 years of my kids’ life because you didn’t fucking tell me”.
And that’s when I snapped. I smacked him in the mouth, and I kept going until he wrapped his arms around my body securing my hands by my sides.
“You left me”. I screamed fighting against him every chance I got. “You fucking left me so you don’t get to be mad at me. How was I meant to tell you when I couldn’t reach you”.
“Stop it, stop it. Stop fucking fighting me”. He roared and I stopped. I was tired all my energy was used trying to fight him. I was pissed, I was so angry.
He let me go.
With my back against the wall, I slid down pulling my knees to my chest. We sat in silence for so long I wasn’t even sure if he was still here.
“You named her after my mom A”. He finally broke the silence.
Wiping my cheeks, I looked at him. This was not how I expected this conversation to happen. Of course, I was planning to tell him I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. He was her daddy after all. I just didn’t know if he would ever show his face again.
“How could you not tell she was yours?”. I whispered. “She looks exactly like you Blaze and she’s like you in every way possible”.
“Why didn’t they tell me?”. I knew he was angry, but I was angry too. He wasn’t getting to put the blame on me. I was taking care of our daughter I was keeping her safe.
“I asked them not too”.
“And why the fuck did you do that?”.
“Don’t swear at me. I was keeping our daughter safe; I was taking care of her I-…”
“And I was keeping her fucking mother safe”. He yelled cutting me off.
“That’s not fair”. I snapped pushing myself off the floor.”4 years Blaze, 4 fucking years without a single message. I had no way to reach you and I wasn’t telling you through Jared that you had a child”.
“You two seem to have gotten close”. He hissed.
I knew that was the jealousy talking. He never was one for dealing with other guys being close to me, but he never seemed to have any issue with it being Jared until now.
“Yeah, we have he’s been there for me these past couple of years but don’t stand there and act like you didn’t already know that”.
“He was only meant to look after you-…”
“And he did”. I snapped my hands balling into fists. “Get those disgusting thoughts out of your head and don’t even think about saying them out loud”. I knew what he was thinking but I do not look or think of Jared in that way.
“You-….”
“Mommy?”.
Oh no!!
All the screaming must have woken her up. She would have been scared waking up and I wasn’t there. Especially here, somewhere she wasn’t used too.
“This isn’t over”.
Completely ignoring him I bent down and scooped her into my arms taking her back to bed.
“Mommy who is that?”.
“Shh baby time for you to go back to bed”.
He was wrong if he thought this wasn’t over because the day after tomorrow, I was going back home, and no one was stopping me.