Roman’s POV:
“What have you done?” Garren asked in disbelief.
I stood, staring at the window as tears ran down my cheeks. I had no idea how to stop what I was feeling, and the pain was only getting stronger.
“What have you done?” he yelled angrily as I shut him out, completely putting him to sleep.
How could he understand what I was feeling? My skin was crawling, and my heart felt like something was piercing through it.
I hated being alone, as usual, and I felt scared losing my mate, but it was the right decision to make.
Everything Garren went through was nothing compared to what I went through.
All the pain, anger, and hate he felt were usually borne by me. Whenever he went through a phase of negative emotions, it didn’t take long for him to pull back up. In a year, he was already recovering, not knowing that I was the one bearing all that by myself.
A part of me was screaming out for help as I bled, yet he couldn’t see that. I shut him off because I knew if he could share what I was going through completely, he would die.
The walls were always curving in, and there was never a time I was truly happy, yet my need to survive was greater than my fear of death.
“Master,” Jersey called in a low tone behind me.
“It hurts. I hate this,” I said in a cracked voice, then punched the window, shattering it.
She quickly rushed to my side and grabbed my hand as I laughed softly.
“Did you see the look in her eyes?” I asked, then pulled back my bleeding hand and walked to a desk, ignoring the dripping blood drops.
“How could she understand or be with me after all that? For a second, just a second, I thought I would have it all with her. But then it hit me. She had no idea how crazy or broken I was. Who she saw and understood was Garren, not me. Would she be with me if she found out that every night of the full moon, I craved to kill for no reason? Would she love me if she found out that cutting myself over and over again made me relieved because it’s the only way I knew I was still alive? I can’t even differentiate between being alone or dead,” I said sadly, then raised my hand and looked at it. It wasn’t healing, and that only showed how the poison was working.
“Would she have wanted a future with Garren if I was a part of it? I wanted her to see me for me and not just for the story Garren had told her. That’s why…” I trailed off, then swallowed a lump in my throat.
“That’s why you brought them here. Because you wanted them to see you as a monster and run away. All that story of wanting to see them fight was a lie,” she whispered softly as I chuckled.
“I wanted them to be free and to remember me as I am, a monster,” I muttered.
“And do you truly think your mate would be free and happy?” she asked.
“Happy, no, but free, yes. With time, she would be with Garren if she does forgive me or find someone nice to live her life with,” I answered.
“Master, isn’t that unfair? Lord Garren might not have held the pain that you fully held for him, but he deserves to be happy and know everything. He does have an idea of what went on, but that doesn’t mean he fully knows the past you borne. Moreover, not giving your mate a chance to pick a side is selfish, don’t you think?” she asked as I furiously turned and looked at her.
“Are you saying what I think you are saying? Jersey, you aren’t stupid like the others, and we discussed this. That’s why I chose to put you under my care. I only have hours left to live, you know that, and we agreed to keep it between us,” I said seriously, then continued to speak.
“That girl is high-spirited, full of life, and joyful. If she were to be with me, things would turn bad for her. I would suck the life out of her like I have with everyone I’ve gotten close to,” I said, then groaned in pain.
I was having a very bad headache, and just thinking about how Roxanne looked at me made me want to jump off the balcony and sleep forever.
“She’s the love of your life,” she whispered, as I glared at her coldly.
Jersey was the quiet type who rarely talked or went against my orders. Seeing her defend Garren instead of me, her master, was disheartening and annoying.
I walked to the broken window and pressed my hand on the shattered glass, ignoring the pain.
“Master,” she called when I leaned in to look down.
The room I was in was on a higher floor. If I deliberately fell, it would hurt like a bitch, but I could still survive.
“Master!” she called again, this time in a scream.
“Relax, I’m not going to jump or die. Well, not now,” I whispered softly, then closed my eyes when a breeze swept past me.
“Garren is weak, but you are stronger, Roman. That’s why I have decided to talk to you. I know that Garren doesn’t know of your existence yet because you put him into a deep slumber whenever you take over, and that’s good. Your father and I can feel that our end is near. Something is terribly wrong, and it feels like we are being watched by some unknown forces or supernatural beings everywhere we go. It could be one of the elders or some other supernatural beings who don’t like us.”
“If there ever comes a day that we disappear from the face of the earth, please look after Garren well. He might not survive the pain, so take it for yourself. Take his hate, anger, and broken self and make it your own.”
“I know your abilities are like those of my own son, so use them to suppress Garren’s negative emotions and fill him with positivity until he is old and strong enough to handle everything. Don’t die until you avenge us if we are murdered or disappear. Only then will I allow you to die. Do you understand?”
“The world of a white lycan comes with many sacrifices, and only when you fulfill your own can you rest, my dear son,”
My late mother’s words played in my head as tears continued to fall.
When I opened my eyes and looked at the sky, I forced a smile on my face.
“Mother, now that your death is avenged, am I allowed to die in peace? I don’t want to live anymore,” I whispered softly, then turned and looked at Jersey, who was crying.
“I guess it’s only right to give Garren back control before I die, right? He already drank the poison that was meant to kill me. Now all that’s left to do is say my final goodbye,” I said sadly as her cries grew louder.
She was obviously feeling guilty for making the poison for me. But I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to live her own life and be free as well.