20

Katarina’s POV
The memories of the past finally began to fade, leaving me adrift in a vast, unending ocean. When I came back to myself, the first thing I noticed was that I was no longer standing. The hardwood floor pressed against my legs and back. Then came the sparks of pain shooting across my face. As my vision slowly cleared, I found myself staring into the worried eyes of Alpha Dominic.
I could see his lips moving, but the sounds seemed distant, like I was underwater and my ears hadn’t yet surfaced.
“Katarina?” Alpha Dominic’s voice was soft but urgent. “Katarina, can you hear me?”
I tried to speak, to ask why he was so close, but the words tumbled out in a garbled mess.
As my senses slowly returned, I took in my surroundings. Everything was as it had been, except now I was on the floor. And then I realized just how close Alpha Dominic actually was-crouched between my legs, his hands cradling my face, too close, too intimate.
Panic surged through me, and I tore myself from his grasp, scrambling to my feet in a desperate attempt to put some distance between us. The mate bond, mixed with Rose’s unwavering faith in him, clouded my thoughts, making the room feel smaller, the walls pressing in on me, constricting my lungs.
“Katarina, just breathe!” Rose’s voice was a plea, sharing in the storm of emotions battering me.
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I shouted at her. “You knew this would happen!” My voice was lost in the crashing waves inside my head.
Alpha Dominic’s silver eyes were locked on me, watching my struggle with a calm that only fueled my frustration. The conflicting emotions of the mate bond tore at me, but I focused on one feeling I knew was truly mine: resentment.
“I-I was fine until I met you!” I spat, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath between the relentless waves.
Alpha Dominic’s gaze hardened, though his eyes still held that maddening concern. As he tried to approach me, arms reaching out as if to soothe, I stumbled back, nearly tripping over my own feet. My instincts screamed that he was trying to use the mate bond to calm me, but the crashing waves only intensified, threatening to pull me under.
“Katarina, we can get you help,” he said, his voice unusually gentle. It angered me even more. I wouldn’t need help if it weren’t for him-the bond tearing down all my defenses, leaving me exposed, drowning.
“I was fine before I met you! I didn’t need help!” I yelled, my voice distant in my own ears, as if the waves were muffling everything.
“Katarina, this was bound to happen eventually,” Alpha Dominic tried to reason. But how could he reason with the storm inside me, with the icy waves that kept crashing over my head, filling my lungs with cold water, stealing my breath away? How could he think I would listen to him now, or believe anything he said?
Flashes of the past continued to assault my senses, leaving me reeling. Was this what a mental breakdown felt like?
I clung to my resentment like a lifeline in the storm. Tears mingled with the saltiness on my lips, but I barely noticed. All my blame, all my pain, my anger, and my fear, I directed at Alpha Dominic.
Before I could think, the words left my mouth.
“I, Katarina Nightshade-”
The first real fear flashed across Alpha Dominic’s face.
“-reject you, Alpha-”
Pain shot through me as he lunged forward, slamming my back against the wall, his hand clamping over my mouth to stop the words that would sever the bond that bound us. Sparks flared where his skin touched mine, fighting against the freezing emotions inside me, warming and clouding my mind.
I stared into his eyes, now dark with panic, and saw my own broken reflection staring back at me.
“Don’t, Katarina,” he whispered, his voice low, breath hot against my face. My heart twisted at the raw emotion in his gaze. Could he understand even a fraction of what I was feeling?
The mate bond tried to soothe me, whispering that he was my path to healing. But the waves pulled me in the opposite direction, swirling with anger, shame, guilt, and resentment that cut into me like tiny blades.
Slowly, Alpha Dominic pulled his hand away, his eyes searching mine, waiting to see if I would finish what I’d started.
“I need to be alone,” I murmured, the words barely audible. I needed space to sort through everything-the memories, the emotions, all of it. The mate bond would only confuse me more, lull me into a false sense of safety.
“Katarina…” he started, but I had already stopped listening.
I moved to the bed and collapsed onto it, curling into a tight ball. I shivered, waves of cold washing over me with every flashback, every emotion that resurfaced.
Mistaking my shivering for a chill, he draped a blanket over me. His scent-citrus and sandalwood-lingered on it, making it harder to push him out of my mind.
“Let me know if you need me,” he said softly before the door clicked shut, leaving me alone at last. I could feel his hesitation, his fear, the lingering dread of my rejection. The mate bond was getting stronger. Soon, it would be unbreakable, even by death.
I lay there, curled up, the blanket doing little to ward off the cold that had settled deep inside me. As I listened to his footsteps fade down the hall, I finally let myself go, the sobs wracking my body as I gave in to the waves, allowing them to pull me under.
I wasn’t sure how long I stayed like that, but at some point, I heard a faint knock on the door and the scent of food wafting in from beneath it. I ignored it, lost in the storm of my emotions.
As the waves continued to toss me about, something shifted. The resentment I felt for Alpha Dominic slowly ebbed away, replaced by a chilling realization.
This was my fault-all of it. If I had been smarter, more aware, last year might never have happened.
“Katarina, I know what you’re thinking. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine,” Rose pleaded, her voice heavy with sorrow. “I wasn’t there for you when it mattered. Blame me, send me away.”
But her words didn’t reach me. They were distant, like an echo in a cave. My own voice, however, reverberated through my mind, cold and accusing. “It’s my fault.”
Images of what could have been tortured me. In my mind, last year never happened. I saw myself standing beside Alpha Dominic, his face lit with a smile that reflected the importance he placed on me. But those visions were sharp, stabbing reminders of the happiness that would never be mine. Reality, harsh and unforgiving, was all I had left.
This is what happens when you bury trauma, lock it away, only to have it unearthed by the one person who holds the key-your soulmate. Rejecting Alpha Dominic would lead to a short life filled with pain, followed by an excruciating death. But there was another way. A final solution.
If I removed myself from the equation, Dominic could still live. He hadn’t marked me yet, and the bond wasn’t strong enough to drag him into death with me. He could find someone else, raise an heir for his pack. The thought brought me the first shred of comfort since the dam inside me shattered.
Moving like a puppet on strings, I dragged myself to the bathroom, my mind numb. I rifled through the medicine cabinet, then under the sink, searching for something-anything-that could help me. I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for until a glint of metal caught my eye.
A pack of straight razor blades.
They seemed to taunt me, their sharp edges gleaming under the bathroom light. I picked one up, my reflection staring back at me from its polished surface. My face was raw and red, my eyes almost white with despair.
I turned on the bathtub faucet, the water rushing out to wash away the blood that would soon flow. I didn’t bother taking off my clothes; I could hardly feel them anyway.
I sank into the hot water, but even that warmth didn’t reach me. I stared down at the blade in my hand, the final tool to end my torment. It seemed to whisper to me, ‘There’s no turning back now, Katarina.’
Rose’s voice, faint and desperate, broke through the fog in my mind. “Katarina, stop this now!”
But she was too far away, and I was too far gone. I pressed the blade to my arm, shivering at its cold touch, and looked away as I dragged it down my skin. The scent of copper filled the air, mingling with the memories that rushed back to the surface.
I repeated the action on my other arm, a sigh of relief escaping my lips. It was as if all the turmoil, all the excruciating pain, was flowing out of me along with the blood. I laid my head back, letting the weariness wash over me like a comforting blanket.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I heard a crash outside the bathroom, followed by a deep, murderous voice. “Katarina! Why do I smell blood?”
But my heartbeat was slowing, drowning out the sounds around me. Another crash, closer this time, sent shards of wood scattering into the tub. I didn’t flinch as they clung to my wet clothes.
“Come on, just a few more minutes. Stay awake for a few more minutes,” a frantic voice inside my head chanted.
“Dominic, she’s dying,” a girl’s voice cried out, the desperation in her tone echoing in the small bathroom.
“No, she’s not!” The deep voice growled back, more beast than man.
The bathroom seemed to blur as my vision faded in and out. I could make out three figures-Alpha Dominic, Seraphina, and Lucian. They crowded around me, their faces twisted with panic.
“Katarina? Katarina? Baby, hold on. Stay awake.” Alpha Dominic’s voice was frantic as he pulled me from the tub, laying me gently on the floor. The sparks from our bond, once so intense, now felt like tiny pinpricks.
“She’s not going to make it,” Dominic’s voice was barely audible, his despair clear. “God damn it!” he roared, smashing something nearby.
“Alpha… if you mark her, it could sustain her long enough to get to the hospital,” Lucian urged, but Dominic only growled in response.
I felt Dominic lift me, his arms cradling my limp form. My head lolled back, but he supported it with a firm hand. His eyes, once cold and commanding, were now filled with fear.
“I’m not letting you die,” he whispered, his voice strong but laced with regret.
I wanted to protest, to tell him not to, but my voice was too weak, barely a whisper. “D-Don’t…”
“I have to, Katarina.” His regret and anguish washed over me, but so did his determination. He wouldn’t let me go, not like this. I could feel it, the urgency in his touch, the desperation in his heart.
Numbness spread through my body, a final relief before the end. I didn’t even feel the pain as his canines sank into my neck, marking me as his. Instead, warmth flooded my veins, chasing away the cold that had settled in my bones.
“W-Why?” The word slipped out as my eyes rolled back, and darkness claimed me entirely.