AIDAN
When I saw Clio out in the water that morning, there was no turning back.
I’d been trying to distract myself and my body from thinking about her for hours on end after our little text exchange. Those messages hadn’t even been all that scandalous, yet they made my blood run hotter than I’d ever known before.
How was it that I’d lived this long and had never known a desire or a need as potent as what I was feeling for Clio? I could have no more stopped myself from going to her when I saw her on the beach then I could have made myself stop breathing.
Taking someone’s virginity was no small matter, and it was not exactly something I would sign up for on a regular basis. Clio telling me she’d never been with anyone should have given me pause, but somehow, the knowledge that I would be the first one with her seemed only right. What was a problem was the fact that I also wanted to be the last one with her.
I was in some serious trouble.
If I had been entertaining the notion at all that this thing between Clio and I was just going to be a summer thing, then that ridiculous idea had been eradicated the moment we came together.
I wanted to keep her.
It was like a chant in my head whenever she was close: mine, mine, mine. Even when my brain wasn’t thinking about it, my body seemed to be feeling it. It was like some sort of primal calling that I just couldn’t seem to shake, and I knew that we were headed for trouble if I couldn’t get a hold of myself.
Loving every moment that I spent with Clio could not be reason enough to risk hurting my daughter, and I knew that. The quicker I accepted that this thing between us could only happen within the confines of the summer, then the more we could just enjoy ourselves without that worry hanging over us…that was what I kept telling myself anyway.
The thing was, something in me knew that delusion was over as soon as I took her on the beach. Hearing the way that she called out my name and feeling her squeeze around me as she came…yeah, I was a goner.
So, my analytical mind kept turning over how I could make this work-how I could make Lila understand that her best friend was the woman for me…how I could convince Clio that she should take a chance on me in the long-term and that I could keep her happy. I knew I would treat her far better than the sad sap she’d broken up with a few months ago, that was a no-brainer. But showing her that I could keep her fulfilled and supported and that she could still have it all-that was a whole other thing considering that part of having it all for Clio was her friendship with Lila. That aspect tore at me. It was clear they loved one another. Their friendship was important, and I really did not want to do anything to jeopardize that, even if my actions said otherwise.
Alas, the pragmatic part of my brain that had ruled for most of my life seemed like it was nowhere to be found. No matter how hard I tried with Clio, I seemed to be working on pure instinct. While I realized that I could definitely use some more of that in my life, it was frustrating to think about how much was at stake.
That pure instinct was what drove me to spending as much time with Clio as possible, even if we weren’t making love. I just wanted to be around her, soaking her in. After the first morning on the beach, I took her to this romantic seaside restaurant, and we talked for hours about everything…music, art, all the places we still wanted to go to. I told her about the places I had already been too, places that I had found boring or overwhelming. But I realized now that I hadn’t been with the right person or in the right frame of mind to enjoy all those opportunities I’d had. Now, I wanted a chance to do them all over again with Clio by my side. What would those places look like through her eyes?
During our conversation, I found myself hypnotized by Clio’s laugh. She had this way of trying to fight her laugh at first, so that finally it bubbled up until she couldn’t help herself anymore. All I wanted to do was figure out new ways to make her laugh. I didn’t realize how much I’d been staring until her cheeks colored and she asked, “what?”
I shook my head, “nothing, it’s just that has anybody ever told you that you have the best laugh?” Her blush deepened, “I’m going to take that as a no, and I’m also going to guess that you haven’t been told enough just how amazing you are.”
She gave me a skeptical smile, “I bet you say that to all the women you’ve slept with.”
I smiled at her playfully, “only the ones I’ve taken beneath the cove named Clio.”
I know we would have stayed longer if it hadn’t been for Clio getting a glance at the time and realizing that Lila would be off work soon. I hated that we had to be sneaky. At the same time, there was no way I was forfeiting the opportunity to be with Clio. I loved having Lila home and hearing about her day, but it killed me to have to pretend in front of both of them.
That night, despite everything we had done that morning, I still found myself out on the beach making my body work to the point of exertion. Instinctively, I’d known that making love to Clio once would not be enough, but I guess I didn’t expect to still possess that gnawing ache that kept me from sleeping.
When I finally returned to my room, I noticed a text message on my phone.
Clio: Are you okay?