“I believe you are speaking to the wrong person. Am I truly your babe?” I spoke firmly before moving away from him.
I was blown away. Is it valid to be annoyed? I can’t help it. How can I not be jealous of them? I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way because it might have occurred previously when Ismael and I didn’t know each other, so why am I feeling this way? I am becoming increasingly disgusted with myself as a result of my behavior.
“Jothea! You’re leaving me again!” He roared in annoyance, causing me to stop walking. I observed that other people who had heard gazed at him. Not just him, but also myself. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I forgot to walk slowly. I’m not even sure where I’m headed. I just want to get away and escape because I’m in pain. We were alright a few minutes ago, but now I’m like this because of that woman.
I sensed him walking towards me and waited for him to join me. “What’s wrong? Are you offended by how I behaved earlier? I apologize,” he said.
I didn’t respond; otherwise, I continued going. “Don’t give me the silent treatment, ’cause I won’t know what I did wrong if you never tell me.”
I breathed before meeting his gaze. “Nothing. I am just tired.”
He gave me a serious glance before biting his lip, as if to hold back. “Let’s talk at home.”
He grabbed the paper bags I was holding and hoisted them all. I immediately felt bad about what I had done earlier. I feel like I’m in the wrong.
We climbed into the luxurious car that would transport us back to the hotel, where we would spend the entire week. We’ve only been here for one day, yet it feels like we’re putting our relationship to the test. Wrong; I am the only one being tested, especially my patience. And I couldn’t help but reflect on Danjer’s earlier inquiries to me as well as my response.
Is this due to my age? That is why I always act like this?
We got out of the car, and I seemed to calm myself. Ismael was in the rear of the car, unpacking the expensive bags containing only the items he had bought me. I prodded his side to get him to pay attention to me.
“Hold on, Jothea.”
My heart aches when he calls my name.
I grabbed his clothes, which is why he was looking at me. I bowed as I said, “Sorry.”
I overheard him exhale. “Wait until we get into our room.”
I nodded and let him bring all of the bags to our room. He didn’t even hand me my light bag; he carried everything, despite the bellboy’s offer to aid us. He said, it’s fine because it’s lightweight. Eh, I can see a vein on his arm bulging due to the weight. He bought so much for me.
When we arrived in our room, he had already dropped all of the fancy bags on the floor.
“Now let’s talk.” He sat on the couch, watching me. “Sit.”
I was going to take the seat opposite him when he spoke again. “Not there, woman.”
I swallowed. “Where?”
“You know where.” He spread his legs before resting down on the couch.
My breathing became heavy with nervousness, but all I could do was follow him. I walked up to him and sat on his lap.
“Good girl,” he muttered. “Now, what seems to be the problem, my love?”
His breath was light. Listening to his enticing voice made me feel inebriated, like if I were drinking booze.
I shook my head, bowing in shame. After some time, I recognized the problem was within me due to jealousy. I always act like this when I am envious.
“Tell me, ’cause I’m about to use some force for you to be honest with me.”
I stared at him, and he could see from my expression that I would not confess the reason. I felt his fingers under my dress, which made my breathing shallower. My chest tightens with anticipation.
“Last warning.”
His tone conveys irritation. He scowled, as if he were serious about knowing my situation, because he couldn’t stay silent.
“You’re so hardheaded.” I felt his hand touch my underwear, and then his finger played with my clitoris.
“Stop it, Ismael,” I whispered softly, halting his hand. My head is also lying against his shoulder.
“No. I’m mad right now. You never learn to admit things. You are constantly like this. You are making me look so stupid.”
He inserted a finger, making me groan. “Not yet, Ismael. It is painful.” He forced his way inside me, despite the fact that it wasn’t wet yet.
“Do you know what is painful? It was after you claimed I was your air, but then you made me feel like I was literally an air,” his comments were tinged with irritation. “Jothea, I always try to understand you and give you time because I know you need it, but please do not make me feel like you are always going to abandon me. You know I can’t do it without you.”
He was the person who bowed down. Even his hand paused to see what he was doing. “I won’t use divination to find out what makes you angry. I need you to tell me so that I can fix it.”
He said something that caused me to cry. I believe we’ve already addressed this, but because I’m obstinate, I brought it up again. I closed my eyes. I’m really disappointed with myself again. I am constantly proving that I am unworthy of him. How can a man behave this way solely because of me?
He pulled his hand from beneath my dress. “Okay, stand up. Let’s simply chat when you’re ready,” he said quietly, and I sensed a trace of sullenness. “I’ll just get you food for dinner.”
He scooped me up and seated me next to him. He stood up and prepared to leave when I spoke. “I was jealous,” I replied, closing my eyes.
“Jealous of what?”
I cautiously lifted my head to meet his gaze. He is in front of me.
I was unable to talk immediately.
“Tell me,” he asked. “Tell me what I did to make you feel jealous.”
I shake my head. “I realized it wasn’t anything you did. I apologize. I couldn’t bring myself to admit I was envious of the woman who had seen you earlier.”
Silence engulfed us. Even Ismael couldn’t believe what I said. He probably didn’t realize I saw them.
“What are you jealous of?”
“This is crazy, Ismael. I should not have felt this way. You’ve previously told me that you’re good in bed and at flirting, and the fact that you’ve slept with women other than me isn’t news to me. But I instantly felt envious because of that-the fact that you met the woman you’ve been spending nights with again.”
I overheard him exhale. He sat in front of me. He was holding his silence, so I used the opportunity to express everything that bothered me because I knew it was what he wanted. I bit my lip and opened my mouth again. “I was rejecting you for wearing that lingerie, and I felt immediately afraid and pressured, thinking you may ask someone else to do it, especially now that you’ve seen her again. She may do it for you even if you don’t ask.”
“You, tiny little thing.” He squeezed my cheek. “That was never on my mind. Do you not trust me? Why do you keep having these thoughts? I always say I love you, don’t I?
I nodded. “You did, but whenever something like this happens, I end up acting like this. I apologize. I do not even understand myself. I remained silent and attempted to resolve the situation on my own because it was not your concern but mine. I didn’t want you to get tired of me, so I tried to resolve the matter within myself.”
“Did it help? Why would you do it yourself when I am here? You know I’ll always understand you. And, as you previously requested, I am doing my best to inform you of everything so that you do not feel forgotten. Could you do the same? Can we agree to be upfront every now and then to avoid this type of situation? I don’t want you to feel guilty and focus on problems that we can simply discuss and solve. We need open communication to understand each other.”
My lips curled down. I am on the verge of tears, but I am compelled to suppress them in order to prevent him from witnessing my tears during every disagreement. I want to be strong like him. I want to be considerate, just as he is for me.
I nodded, ruffling my dress with embarrassment.
“Chin up. Don’t be ashamed of it. This type of misunderstanding is typical in a relationship because we are attempting to learn from and understand one another. Do not feel bad, okay?” He caressed my face. “Step by step. You will get there eventually. Both of us.”
He kneeled down and kissed my forehead. “This brain needs some nutrients because you always forget everything,” he said softly before hugging me. “Also, Genevieve, the woman we met earlier, is a florist and perfumer here in France. I assisted her previously when she was young, establishing her business.”
I moved away from him. “What? Is she talking about literally flowers that need to be gardened?”
“Yeah?”
“Then, why would she kiss your cheeks?”
“Because it is how the French greet everyone?”
I was stunned. “Why would she call you babe, then?”
He laughed and took my hand. “Baby, she is gay. She addresses everyone like that.”
“What? There is no way, Ismael!”
“Yes way, baby. I am telling the truth.”
“Then, does it mean I don’t really have a valid reason to be jealous?”
“Yeah?” Fuck. That is why he is perplexed as to why we met so unexpectedly. Shit. This is so embarrassing! I became envious of someone who has no pussy! I was duped since she has larger boobs than mine. I was drowning in jealousy and felt a great deal of insecurity, which I had no reason to feel.
I stood up. I have no face to show in front of Ismael. I made another bad mistake because of my stupidity.
“Where are you going?” he inquired.
“Let me go to the bathroom. I need to conduct one-on-one interviews with myself. Allow me to reflect on what I did.”
He laughed at me. “Alright. Take your time. I’ll get our meal, so make sure you finish before it goes cold.”
I went straight to the restroom and talked to myself in the mirror. I removed my clothes and saw my reflection in the mirror. I observed how many scars Ismael’s kisses had left on my body, which was clear proof that he was really into me. Why am I feeling uneasy while the man I am in a relationship with adores me? Why don’t I have more confidence?
I chose to take a shower. I suddenly remembered something I purchased earlier. I’m not sure what comes to mind when I decide to wear it.
I was looking at myself in the mirror, wearing that filthy, laced underwear, and Ismael was wondering how it would look on me. Wearing it helps me realize what a fantastic body I have. I cannot deny that my body is what Ismael wants every now and then. Even if I don’t have healthy boobies and asses, my body curves are enough to make any man drool.
I only realized it now, perhaps because I had only had so much time to watch my body. I had neglected myself and my health because Ismael had been away from me for several months, and I had become preoccupied with my work. So I shed a lot of weight, but now I’m gaining weight due to the amount of food I eat.
When I went out of the shower to collect my blower, which I had forgotten to bring, the main door unexpectedly opened.
I turned around to see Ismael at the door, carrying bags of food. “Did you order some food?” I asked.
“I did, but I should’ve ordered you for dinner instead. You’re fucking gorgeous, Jothea,” he remarked forcefully, glancing at my physique, which reminded me that I was wearing that sexy lingerie I bought earlier when I was madly jealous. I was so deep in thinking about getting the blower that I forgot what I was wearing.
“Oh, fuck!” I hurriedly returned to the bathroom to retrieve the bathrobe, but Ismael caught me. He also dropped the bags he was carrying, which explains why he hugged me right away.
“What are you doing, showing me your ass like that, huh, woman?”