“It won’t change anything.” Instead of taking my phone, she simply glanced at its screen. “I just needed your username… I’m willing to pay.”
“What? No, you don’t have to-”
Distracted, she tapped away at her own phone. “I’ve told you multiple times, you can just get Scope stuff from my closet… But you still order from our website ’cause you wanna support us. This is the same thing.”
Clothes and pay-per-view porn were worlds apart. She was tripping. “It’s not.”
“It really is though.” Her blue eyes locked on my face. She tilted her head to the side and stared right at me. Her look wasn’t one I could read and it made me feel even more things. “Huh.”
“What?”
She grinned, displaying her perfect teeth. “I’ve always wondered if the curtains match the drapes… Nice to have a conclusive answer.”
“Gray!” In an instant, my face was bright red, matching the euphemistic ‘curtain and drapes.’ “Wait. Are you watching now? Here?”
“No, of course not. I’m just unlocking posts. I wouldn’t watch porn beside you. That’d be weird.”
“Weirder than watching porn of me?”
“Definitely. Not trying to make you jealous… But having a pornstar for a roommate is awesome.”
“I’m not a pornstar. You can’t even see my face, so no one in this world knows it’s me in those videos except for me and now… You,” I replied. “I’m just an adult-content creator.”
“I get your point, but pornstar is easier to say.” She focused on her phone again, smirking. “Damn, Cass, your body is insane. Your boobs are perfect, they’re like-”
“On that note, I’m out of here.” I refused to let her finish her shameless statement. I was curious about what clip she was looking at, but I needed to listen to the voice of reason and put some space between us for now. If I didn’t, then I might’ve spontaneously combusted due to the potent mix of embarrassment, flattery and excitement she was unwittingly flooding my system with. I stood up and kissed her cheek goodbye. “I’ll see you tonight, okay? Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”
“Oh, I will.” She winked at me. “Stay safe, Cass!”
Honestly, I didn’t have to leave for my appointment yet, but I needed some fresh air. More importantly, after the last seventy-two hours of mine and Gray’s strange, strange life together, I urgently needed a reminder that there was a sane world beyond Apartment 202. One wherein friends didn’t pay to watch their friends’ secret porn flicks.
. . .
A day after I’d given Gray permission to watch my videos, she asked why I hadn’t posted in over a month. Which had prompted me to explain how tricky it was to schedule a ‘sexy shoot’ since my free time rarely coincided with whenever she wasn’t in Apartment 202… In response to that logistics issue, she’d told me to film even when she was home. That I didn’t need to worry because she’d be able to ‘keep quiet on set’ (ugh, so cute). Despite my initial refusal, I’d ended up seeing her point. She’d already learned about everything, already seen everything.
So, how much more harm / damage could filming while she was around actually cause?
The answer was: a lot. How powerless I was against not thinking about Gray the last time I’d filmed? When I’d come to the thought of her during Valentine’s video number two? Yeah, apparently, that was easy mode. Our new normal had made it impossible for me to think of anything except her while I got myself off.
No matter how hard I tried to block out the fact that she was just in her bedroom, a few feet away… I couldn’t. Her close proximity was like an intangible, irresistible, invisible aphrodisiac. I wasn’t a trained thespian, but I at least knew ‘the show had to go on.’ Feeling less guilty than I did the first time, I touched myself and pretended it was her touching me instead. During this performance, I was being louder than usual, but I figured why not just dive into the madness with both feet.
This time around, I wasn’t only giving my camera a show-I was also giving Gray an ‘auditory experience.’
On the patchwork armchair in our living room, with my legs spread wide toward the lens, I played with a light blue, lubed-up thrusting vibrator. Shamelessly, I wasn’t exerting any effort to stifle my moans. Once I got the thick, up-curved tip inside me, I pressed a button to increase the speed. The repeated motion against my G-spot had me groaning, loud then louder. I pushed the shaft in a little deeper, so the vibrating bunny ears would reach my sensitive clit.
The video from this shoot would be a short one. There wasn’t going to be a lot of footage since after just a few minutes, I was close to coming. Akin to every time I’d used this sex toy before, the multi-spot stimulation it provided was amazing. But knowing that Gray could hear me… That was next-level pleasure. I had no idea if she was even listening. For all I knew, she could’ve been wearing her noise-canceling earphones and binging Netflix. But in my head? She was attentively listening, perhaps even touching herself, too.
With noisy moans leaving my lips and secret images of my roommate remaining in my mind, I came hard.
. . .
Thankfully, Gray was right and the revelation of my secret didn’t change anything between us. Just like we’d routinely done, we were once again on her bed for a movie marathon. We were supposed to be watching the critically acclaimed film playing out on her wall, but we were just talking. It turned out that during my shoot earlier, I’d guessed correctly…
Okay, wait, she wasn’t masturbating, but I’d at least gotten it half-right. She’d ‘attentively listened’ to the show. Like she’d even made some mental notes. And now, she was giving me positive feedback, words of pure encouragement. Our absurd conversation should’ve been weird, but it wasn’t… Regardless of the topic, talking to her never felt weird for me.
“Don’t get me wrong, Gray, I love us.” With dramatic scripted dialog echoing in the background, our lighthearted real-life conversation continued. “But I don’t think our friendship is normal.”
“You’re only realizing that now?” She inquired, laughing. “The first time we met, I asked you if you were going to kill me in my sleep and instead of getting offended, you simply promised me you wouldn’t. I never expected us to have a ‘normal’ friendship… Did you?”
“I don’t know what I was expecting… But as soon as I walked into Apartment 202, I knew it was special.” I got cozier, placing her fluffy comforter over the both of us. I cuddled to her side. “This is special.”
She didn’t say anything. She just got comfortable, too. She held me close. We finally started watching the film, but we both soon fell asleep. The rest of the award-winning, mind-bending story full of plot twists played out for no one.
. . .
As if touching myself to the thought of Gray on camera for profit wasn’t messing with my head enough, of course I also had to start touching myself to the thought of her off camera for pleasure. Knowing full-well that doing so went against my own self-interests, a few nights after the ‘reveal hullabaloo,’ I re-yielded to the burning temptation. While I was struggling to rub one out, so I could fall asleep faster, I once again jilled myself with my roommate in the forefront of my mind. Unlike when I was filming porn though, this act had no practicality, no ‘greater-good purpose.’ This was cloak-and-dagger self-love, strictly for my personal enjoyment.
Secretly coming to the thought of her was meant to be a band-aid of sorts, a quick-fix remedy for the pangs of desire that were constantly hitting me. Frankly, I had no idea how it was even possible for me to crave something I’d yet to experience… But that was exactly it-I craved her.
I wasn’t sure how long this temporary solution of mine would be viable. Tonight though..? Tonight, the self-inflicted climax was still enough to stop me from crossing our Jack and Jill bathroom, barging into her bedroom and begging her to fuck me.
. . .
I’d expressed my hate toward Valentine’s Day before, but I was no longer mincing words. Fuck the make-believe, consumerist pseudo-holiday. And I had nothing but respect for Gray’s twin, but why she’d set up a blind date for my roommate on the worst night of the year to go out was beyond comprehension to me… Legit, it made less than zero sense.
I was in Apartment 202’s living room, watching ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’ I was trying my best not to think about how my roommate’s night was going, but questions kept plaguing my brain. Was her date pretty? Were sparks flying? If they were, then it was only because of the artificial romance associated with the date today… As I watched one of my all-time favorite films, I absentmindedly wondered if technology had advanced enough for ‘memory-erasing firms’ to be real.
I checked the time on the wall-mounted clock. It was almost midnight. What was I even doing? I was still in the so-called ‘prime of my life’… Why was I just at home re-watching a sad movie, thinking about Gray? The snow scene on the screen diverted my train of thought. Suddenly, I was wondering if my roommate’s coat was warm enough since it was such a cold winter night in the real world, too.
The movie was ending by the time I heard the front door. I took a deep breath. I prepared for the possibility that Gray wasn’t arriving alone. When the door opened, I gave her a little wave hello as I thanked whoever god was listening that no one was with her. She hung up her army green peacoat and took off her lace-up boots. I bit my inner cheek to stop myself from commenting on her mismatched socks… As always, the two she had on weren’t cut from the same cloth. Her left one had a colorful sushi-print, while her right one was plain baby blue. She lifted my feet, sat down on the couch and placed my legs on her lap.