“Golden bears! You had golden bear earrings, you let me hold them, and you gave me… you gave me… a red bobble-hat. I remember you! There was a park… and a sweet-shop, and… a pink blanket, you wrapped Julie in a pink blanket. I remember it now, it had ducks on it!” Emma was looking stunned, as was I. Mark, however, was transported, his face lit up as his memory unreeled.
“You took me to the sweet-shop, and you carried me home, and you told me you loved me, and I played with your earrings, and you showed me how you put them back in…! That was you, you really were there!”
Suddenly he hugged her in a crushing bear-hug.
“I wanted to go home with you, but mum wouldn’t let me, and I was crying when you left, and she locked me in my room and she left me there all day and all night, and I wanted you to come back and get me, and you didn’t, you didn’t come back…!”
Emma was crying against his chest, her voice muffled as Mark held her close.
“I wanted you both so badly, I tried to make your mother see sense, you were so small, so helpless, and she was so angry with you, but she wouldn’t let me have you, both of you, and it wasn’t your fault, none of it was!”
By now I was in tears too, and so was Lena; our aunt really had wanted us, she’d tried, and our lunatic mother had hidden us away so she could never find us again; whatever hell she’s in, she earned her place there.
Mark turned to me and held his hand out.
“Tink, I remember her now, how could I have forgotten, I remember!”
He pulled me closer, and then Emma, Mark and I were in a three way with her, Emma crying and smiling and kissing me all at once. I looked up, to see Lena grinning at me, tears on her cheeks too, then she winked and slipped out of the room while Emma was marvelling over how much Nia looked like me. When we’d all composed ourselves, Lena stuck her head in , then came back in carrying her own little girl, and I was amazed all over again; my Nia has short, straight, platinum hair, just like mine, and Mo-Mo has long, curly, silvery-blonde hair, but they looked almost like twins; they could easily pass for sisters, not second cousins. With her came another lady. Lena introduced her as her mother, who was going to watch her little ones with Emma while Lena took us to Darryl’s place of work.
We took Lena’s MPV, as it already had child-seats fitted, buckled Markie and Nia in, and Lena drove us the short distance to the hospital, then led us to the Cardiovascular clinic. We waited in a kind of plush waiting room while she went off to locate Darryl, and when he finally came in, dressed in scrubs and theatre boots though he was, even I had to suppress a gasp of wonder; his hair was a little darker, his chin was slightly more chiselled, but he was still almost the image of Mark!
Darryl’s reaction to Mark was just the same, both wonder and amusement at seeing his double. Darryl shook hands with Darryl and said something about now they’d met, they could use each other for shaving mirrors. They both laughed at that, then Mark broke their gaze to beckon me. At that, Darryl turned to look at me, probably seeing me for the first time, and then the image clicked into place; I’d been here before, Mark and Darryl talking in a waiting room, then both of them looking at me, and I remembered clearly now that flash I’d had so long ago, that vision of Mark’s double, but with green eyes, and now here it was for real.
Darryl was fascinated with Nia; he couldn’t believe how much like his own little girl she was. Nia, who’s wary of men in general, and only lets Mark, Jamie or dada Morrison carry her, went to him without a murmur, her little hands eagerly grabbing the stethoscope around his neck. Darryl grinned and let her sit on his lap and listen enthralled to his heart, then did the same for Markie; he was a natural with children, and when he took the two of them to show them his clinic, they lapped-up all the nurses and secretaries carrying and nuzzling them. Darryl was a big hit with my kids, always a plus point in my book.
Darryl managed to get away early, and so he and Lena took us out to dinner at a lovely, family-friendly Italian restaurant in Clifton; it was wonderful to sit around a huge table, all our family together at last, Emma and her husband, Darryl, Lena, Lena’s mother, their children, and Mark, the girls, and me.
*
EPILOGUE:
We stayed with Darryl and Lena for several days, eagerly learning more about each other, meeting my aunt Ellen in Australia on Skype, and trading family secrets. Lena took me aside and told me she knew about Mark and me, then told me about her and Darryl, who she really was, and why Darryl lived so happily with his mother-in-law in the same house. Exchanging vulnerabilities like that finally sealed us together as family; now I had two proper families, I had a history, and I knew, finally, where I had come from.
Of course, I’ll never know the full story; my real father died and my crazy mother destroyed all evidence of him, so that part of my life will remain a blank, but, balanced against what I have now, it’s not such a big blank, and I find I can live with it.
As for Mark, he’s still my Lost Boy; but with the help of the family, and especially Jamie, Nia, and Mummy-Anh, our special family, he’s finally beginning to recover from the hurt our mother did to him; every day he remembers more, all the things he blanked out or suppressed to try and be ‘grown-up’ for me are gradually coming back. Meeting Aunt Emma opened the floodgates, and a trickle soon became a torrent.
One final thing: before we left that first time, Darryl and Lena took us to meet his two fathers; his biological father, and the man who’d brought him up as his son, his grandfather, Lena’s father. We went on his mother’s birthday, because Darryl had a tradition that he wanted to share with us.
We stopped first to pay his respects to his grandfather, Darryl standing silently with his head bowed, and I could feel his loss and grief coming off him in waves, even so long after he’d passed away; it was a sobering thought, but also put my own feelings for my mother in perspective; Darryl had loved the man he’d called ‘dad’ with a deep and abiding love, and I felt privileged to share in this private moment with him.
After a while he roused himself and led us to the grave of his father, Robert, Aunt Emma’s older brother. The monument was an ornate cross with the crest of the Royal Marines carved in high relief on it, and an inset picture of a smiling young man in Marine Dress Blues, with a white helmet under his arm. I was quite taken aback; apart from a few minor differences, he was the picture of both Darryl and Mark. Darryl knelt down and brushed leaves and other debris off the base of the cross, and laid a poppy and a white rose there.
“Mark, Julie, this is my father, Robert Darryl Fraser; he died before I was born, and I was given to my grandfather to bring up, because my mother was too young to look after me herself. She and Robert grew up together, they loved each other very much, and every year, on her birthday, he would give her a white rose. She can’t come here, even after all these years, so every year, on his birthday, I give him a rose from her, and from me, and my children as well. He was only a boy when he was killed, but he died doing what he thought was right, and so we honour him in this way,”
He paused, obviously picking his words, before continuing.
“This is part of our family as well; even though we’re apart, we’re still one family, and he’s a part of me, and a part of you as well; I just thought you should meet him.”
He bowed his head for a few seconds, then stepped back, giving us a moment alone with our uncle. Mark knelt down and placed his hand lightly on the base of the monument for a moment, barely brushing it with his fingertips, then straightening up and running his finger slowly over the deeply incised inscription as he read it, before stepping back and bowing his head too. He turned to me, and I wasn’t surprised to see his eyes bright with unshed tears.
“See here, Tink, it’s good to know our family did some good as well; mum was what she was, but this makes up for all of that; she’s finally gone now.”
*
So that’s our story; Mark and I still live near Mummy-Anh, she’s still my mum, and I still lean on her when I need help, advice, consolation, or at times, a good talking-to; Mummy-Anh believes in helping her family, but she also believes God helps those who help themselves.
Nia and Jamie are talking about another baby now; after all, she wants to keep up with me. That’s right, I’m pregnant again, and in a few weeks I’ll know if it’s a boy or a girl; my fingers are crossed for a boy this time; Mark says he doesn’t care what flavour we get, it’ll still be our baby, but I saw him looking at trains-sets, constructor sets, and slot-racing sets in Toys ‘R’ Us when we took the girls there the other day, and all of a sudden Jamie’s son Jay-Jay’s favourite playmate is Uncle Mark, so I think I know what he wants, even if he won’t admit it.
Lena’s also preggers. In fact, she’s almost six months along, and she’s definitely having a girl so she’s ecstatic. We spend as many holidays as we can with Darryl; Emma lives not too far from him, ditto Lena’s older sister Lizzie and her beautiful children, so we get to spend time with all the different aspects of our now much-extended family.
Darryl loves the idea of a house full of children, and as he seems to be permanently on-call or on stand-by, we go down to them, rather than they come up to us, but I think once Lena’s had this baby, she’ll want to take a long, long family vacation, and knowing how Darryl worships her, he’ll make it happen for her, I have no doubt.
I said it before, but it bears repeating; we took the long way round, and we all took a lot of hurt along the way, but now, thanks to Darryl and Emma, our family has finally found its way back together, and we have a proper foundation for our children, and their children, to look back on and say “That’s my family, that’s where I come from!”, and that alone makes it all worthwhile.
Long ago, Mark and I stepped out of that window, and took that flight, ‘second star to the right, and straight-on ’til morning’, and it led us here, where we should have always been, and I’m content.