According to every personality test I’d ever answered, I was an extrovert. Which, to me, seemed accurate since I wasn’t a person who could tolerate unnecessary silences… Talking to new people was something I regularly did-something that often led to me making friends.
How quickly Gray and I had become close friends still surprised me though. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that we not only co-existed peacefully but actually got along well. But it wasn’t an exaggeration to claim that though I’d only lived in Apartment 202 for less than three months so far, I’d already spent more time with her than with my last three roommates combined. Quite a feat since we were both adults who had our own respective personal and professional obligations. It wasn’t like we were just at home together 24/7.
But I’d assumed that since she used to live with her twin, isolating herself wasn’t something she even considered doing. She frequently knocked on my door and asked me to hang out. And though being around my ex-roommates wasn’t my idea of a ‘fun time,’ being around her was different… She was intelligent and witty, and when she talked about anything and everything, she was always so animated and excited. She didn’t even drink caffeine, so her seemingly endless energy was all-natural.
Before I’d met her, I was skeptical about whether or not emotions were contagious. Now, I was a firm believer though. She was like a ‘healthy happy pill’ in human form. Hanging out with her was a guaranteed mood-boost for me. And based on how often she asked if I was ‘down to chill,’ it seemed like she enjoyed my company as well… So, though video games had never been an interest of mine, I’d still tried (and failed) to be her ‘Player Two.’ In turn, she’d been willing to indulge in my love for movies. We now even regularly held ‘mindless movie marathons’ to de-stress together.
Bottom line, I liked Gray a lot, so despite the fact that it used to drive me nuts whenever I was forced to block out late-night sex noises… Right now, the sounds of pleasure echoing through Apartment 202’s walls and seeping into my room weren’t bothering me. I wrote those off with an amused smile and drowned them out with my headphones. My roommate was in her mid-twenties. She should be allowed to have noisy sex with her girlfriend without worrying about the world outside her bedroom.
I recognized it was hypocritical to change my stance on an action based on its actor… But this wasn’t a legal situation in some courtroom. There was no requirement for impartiality. No rule against ‘playing favorites.’ And Gray was definitely my favorite roommate among the several I’d had.
. . .
Even if I knew their first names (and surnames) by now, I still referred to Gray’s five best friends using their respective Power Ranger colors in my head. It was something that’d left an imprint on my brain, one that satisfied my mildly compulsive need for symmetry. Also, since it only happened in the safety of my own mind, it was harmless. Rest assured, I used their real names out loud.
Anyway, Blue Ranger was out of town, so her golden retriever named Gatsby was spending a few nights with us in Apartment 202. When Gray had first led the fluffy, well-trained dog through our front door, she told me that her Scopescape partner: ‘left us her pooch to get some pussy.’ At first, I’d assumed it was a vulgar joke, but she proceeded to explain that to a lot of lesbians, plane rides and car rides were basically the same thing.
I wasn’t sure how factual that statement was… But I didn’t really care. I was just excited that we had a dog at our place. He was so cute and sweet. And although he was a different breed, he reminded me of the dog my dad had brought home when I was like five.
We’d named him Potato.
. . .
“You’re pushing thirty-you need to start doing something meaningful with your life, sweetheart.”
As always, I ignored my mom’s usual spiel. To avoid conflict, I made a humming noise before changing the topic. “Anyway, how are things back there? How are the boys?”
“They’re doing well. They’re asking me when they’re going to see their big sister again though. Any plans to fly home this year?”
“I don’t think so. It’s not a good time for me right now,” I answered. “But give them my love. Okay, Mom, I-”
“I think it’s time for you to come home,” she interrupted my goodbye. “The restaurant needs a new manager and the job is all yours… You just have to want it, Cassandra.”
The restaurant she was referring to was a small but successful establishment she owned back in my hometown, back in the place I’d abandoned as soon as I could legally do so. “I can’t- I-” I sighed. “You know that’s not gonna happen.”
“Take some time to think about it… The offer stands in case you change your mind. By the way, do you need to borrow money again? I want to make sure you have enough for rent and food. Since that TV show you were working for was canceled, I assume you’re not bringing in a stable income.”
Her statement might’ve sounded like a benevolent, generous one to untrained ears, but it wasn’t. I counted to ten in my head. I didn’t want to lose control over my tongue and tell her why I no longer needed her financial help. “No, I’m all good, no worries.”
“Take care of yourself for me, Cassandra.”
She hung up before I could respond.
. . .
I slipped my key into Apartment 202’s front door, unlocking and opening it as quietly as possible. It was around eight in the morning on a Saturday and I was dressed in my clubbing outfit from the night prior. A short, tight red dress with long sleeves paired with black high heels. My attempt to conceal my ‘walk of shame’ proved to be futile though.
“Morning, Cass,” Gray greeted me with her usual grin. She was sitting at the dining table with her girlfriend, an attractive 5’7″ green-eyed woman with long blond ombre hair. I sent the couple a shy smile as well as a wave hello. “Fun night?”
“Do you even have to ask her that, babe?” Her girlfriend posed with a chuckle. Her knowing smirk and tone made me blush.
Gray offered me some of the pastries they’d bought from a nearby bakery, but I politely turned her down. I appreciated the kindness, but my ‘hangxiety’ (hangover anxiety) this morning was overwhelming, and I needed a quick, quick shower and a long, long nap.
Per usual, sober-me had to deal with the consequences of drunk-me’s choices.
. . .
Chrysalis. That was the word I repeated to myself whenever I felt like giving up… Whenever it felt like the world was kicking my ass (extra hard), leaving me black and blue, I solaced myself with the idea that I was in the midst of a painful transformative period. Like a caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis, molting over and over during its journey to become a colorful butterfly. Earlier today, I must’ve inwardly said the word upwards of a hundred times. My silent response to every demeaning remark that I’d heard while I was on set.
After turning off the shower, I dried myself with a thick white towel. Releasing a sigh, I brushed my palm over the foggy mirror to see my reflection. I looked like trash which was at least consistent with how I felt. There were dark circles underneath my tired green eyes, visible proof of how sleep-deprived I was.
With a towel wrapped around my damp red hair, I entered the living room. I was surprised to see Gray on the couch. On the flatscreen was the same violent video game she habitually played. As was customary during her gaming sessions, she had on light-up blue headphones. She was also wearing a white Scopescape hoodie as well as black sweatpants, so none of her tattoos were fully visible at the moment. I caught her eye and she removed her headset. The fact that she was giving me attention meant she wasn’t in the middle of a match or whatever. Believe me, if she were, she wouldn’t have been able to focus on anything other than the screen. Lest she risk her ‘glorious KD’ or ‘god-tier win rate.’
“Hi, Gray, I didn’t know you were home already.”
“Yeah, just wanted to get a few games in before bedtime.” She shut down her gaming console. Per usual, the socks she had on were completely mismatched. Her left one had a penguin’s face on it, while her right one was covered in cherries. “Done for the night though.”
“How was your date?”
“Good, good. We actually just hung out for a bit at her place… So, I got home like an hour ago.”
“An hour ago? Huh? What time is it now?”
She looked at the bright blue digital numbers on the wall-mounted clock. “Uh, quarter past ten… Another long day?”
“You can say that. I was just supposed to take a shower, but apparently, I entered some kind of time-warp in there. Is it possible to fall asleep while showering?”
“Definitely. Back in high school, that used to happen to me all the time after track practice… It’s a miracle I never drowned.” She stood up from the couch, headed over to the fridge and took out a brown paper bag. “By the way, I have a burger in here with your name on it if you’re hungry.”
She was a vegetarian, so I knew she meant a veggie burger from her favorite takeout spot. One with a patty made from different mushrooms and tofu. But it was really good (absolute fire, honestly). “Yay, love you, thanks! I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten since-” Pausing, I tried to recall the last time I ate. “Since- um, I-”
“It shouldn’t be this hard for anyone to remember their last meal,” she teasingly admonished. “Wanna warm this up?”
“No need.” I excitedly took the food from her. Although she’d eaten earlier, she kept me company at the dining table as I devoured my burger. Which was now cold but again, still fire.
She asked me questions about my bad day. I told her I didn’t want to talk her ear off about insignificant things. But she pushed and prodded until I began telling her why today sucked. Even if venting to her about my grievances didn’t actually change anything, doing so still made me feel a whole lot better.
. . .
I reviewed the video for the nth time. I was double-checking that I’d blurred or cropped anything that wasn’t supposed to appear on screen. Since ‘the internet was forever,’ I couldn’t risk even the smallest, briefest mistake. I could barely stand the fifteen-minute clip’s assault on my eyes anymore. To me, the discomfort was kind of similar to ‘semantic satiation’… But instead of words looking weird after being repeated and repeated, it was visuals looking weird after being replayed and replayed.
I shut my laptop and ripped off my headphones. I decided to take a much-needed break. Though I wanted to post what I was working on ASAP, I couldn’t do a half-ass job… The stakes were too high. I crossed our shared bathroom then knocked on Gray’s door. It was past eight o’ clock on a weeknight, but we’d agreed to let the other know whenever one of us was in the mood for a ‘mindless movie marathon.’
“Hi, movie night?”
She was lazing on her still-made bed in just a tank top and shorts. The color-changing LED lights that bordered her ceiling bathed the space in an azure glow. Her room always smelled nice because of the aromatic candles she’d burn. Her top had ridden up a bit, so I admired her navel piercing and the left profile of a wolf head on her taut tummy.