“So,” she said, again.
“Uh huh?”
“When are we doing that girl’s weekend you promised me?”
“Um. When are you free?”
“For you? Always.”
“Charley… be serious for a bit, will you?”
“Shan’t. Won’t,” she laughed. “How does two weeks time sound? I’ve got a gap in my manic social life then.”
I riffled through my mental calendar, and snorted ruefully at myself. Of course I was free.
“Um… it sounds… nice?” I admitted.
“Want me to come down to you? Or shall we look for something midway?”
“Actually, I’ll come to you. I… I want to see where you live; It would be nice to see somewhere new and pretty. Ipswich is… well… it’s Ipswich.”
“It has the sea.”
“But not our sea. This one’s muddy and cold. And it’s really more of an estuary, when you get down to it.”
“I guess Lincoln is better. We have a castle, after all.”
“That’s right. Twist the knife, why don’t you,” I muttered, and she laughed again.
I stared at the block of flats across the road through my grimy kitchen window.
“Ariadne?”
“Mm?”
“I can see you’re pensive. What’s bugging you?”
“Nothing. Everything. Stuff.”
“Ah yes. Stuff. Stuff is quite tiring, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is,” I sighed. “I…”
“You… what?”
“I just wish you were here, is all. I just wish I had your breath here near me, even if just for a moment. My flat echoes. The chalet didn’t when… when you were there with me.”
“I’d almost be tempted to think you miss me,” she teased me.
“I do.”
“Don’t be so sombre, Ari.”
“That’s like asking water not to flow downhill, you know.”
“I can be very persuasive,” she said in a breathy little voice, and the little almost-pain blossomed slightly more just under my heart.
“What are your plans for tonight then?” she said. She made her way from one room to another, and the camera canted crazily through space before stabilizing again, showing a view of her ceiling.
“Read, I guess. I have books that I never got to thanks to you.”
“Apology accepted,” she said smugly. “Listen, Ari, I can’t actually chat for long right now,” she added. “You caught me as I was about to dash out – I need to go get some groceries; I’ve got literally nothing in the house. Shall I ping you later, seeing as you’re free?”
“Yes. I’d really like that.”
“Right, it’s a date. Chat properly later, then,” she said.
“Yeah. Chat later,” I answered softly.
She hung up, and I sighed, not unhappily.
We slipped into a daily routine as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Whichever of us woke up first (me) would wake the other (her); and generally I’d accept with good grace her sleepy, sweary rants about “Sparrow fart” and “The crack of dawn”, laughing softly as she’d abuse me with a smile clearly audible in her voice.
And evenings would never pass without a “goodnight hug” as she referred to our sometimes-brief but never-missed chats.
I swiftly came to depend on our interactions; I had no comparable connection to anyone within my small circle of friends, and my odd hobbies and loner nature left me socially isolated more often than not.
I’d convinced myself that I was better off that way.
I’d tied knots and tangles of thought and behaviour throughout my life to reinforce this lie.
Charley, of course, undid all of it.
She kicked in the door of my day to day and stomped into my world, upending large parts of my quiet, melancholic calm and, frequently, leaving me laughing so hard at things she’d say that I’d lie on the floor, retching and coughing, perilously close to a bladder malfunction.
I loved her wit, her words, the way she always seemed to know precisely what I was thinking – often before I did.
I’d catch myself staring at my phone, waiting for her to text or call. I’d be unable to sleep if I hadn’t talked to her. I craved her opinion on everything, no matter how trivial it might seem later.
And finally I had no choice but to face reality.
She was… important to me.
She was all that was important to me any more.
I needed her more than I needed air to breathe.
So one Thursday evening we decided I’d catch the bus to her that Saturday, and I watched the hours tick down with all the patience of a child in the run up to Christmas.
.:.
I stepped down onto the pavement and paused, scanning the crowd for her tell-tale hair. She was off to one side, head down, focused on her phone, lip trapped between her teeth in her old I’m-thinking pose.
I took a slow breath, squared my shoulders, shouldered my bag and started to walk towards her, trying very hard to ignore the swarm of butterflies that had set flight in my tummy. As I neared her she looked up from her phone and saw me. Her smile blossomed immediately and she pranced forward to meet me with her arms spread wide. She wrapped herself around me, pressed her cheek to mine, then laughed as I simply locked her in place against me and refused to let go.
“I’ve missed you,” I managed, eventually. She made a soft, pleased sound.
“I can tell. Come on. It’s way too busy and noisy here and there’s a lovely coffee shop just up the hill a bit. We can get something to snack on before I drag you hither and thither. Ari… is that really all you brought with you?”
I hefted my small rucksack. “I travel light,” I said. “I don’t need much.”
“Mm,” she said, eyes twinkling. “Cheap date.”
“Like you’d know,” I retorted.
She tugged gently on my arm. “Come on,” she said, still smirking.
I shifted my bag on my shoulder and fell into comfortable step beside her, utterly enamoured with the way she clasped my hand in hers. She was alive – flushed, vivacious and clearly euphoric. The sun was bright on the roofs and windows of Lincoln’s town centre; her hair shone like polished gold every time we crossed a gap in the facades that surrounded us. The russet brown of her skirt flamed to copper in the sunlight, and the faint shape of her bra shone through her thin white cotton blouse.
She lit my world.
The strange old pang was back in residence under my ribs, and I felt even more tongue-tied than usual.
Charley bought us each a take away coffee and linked her arm through mine as she dragged me along after her deeper into her stomping grounds. She ushered me through an alley and we began to climb a succession of narrow, steep little streets up what felt like an endless mountain – I was soon well out of breath and sweating.
“Takes it out of you, doesn’t it,” she laughed.
“Fucking hell,” I agreed, panting.
“This road is called Steep Hill road,” she added, amused. “Watching tourists climb it is a local spectator sport.”
“You don’t… say. Very original name.”
“We’re very imaginative here. Don’t worry. Only a few more yards, Ari. We’re nearly there.”
“Nearly… where?”
“Here,” she said, as the buildings opened out around us.
I took a breath, and straightened, and turned to look where she was gesturing.
“Welcome to the top of the Lincoln Edge. That enormous building over there is the Cathedral,” she said quietly.
“Oh… wow…”
“And that,” she said, as she put her hand to my hip and spun me around, “is why I brought you here. That’s Lincoln castle.”
I stared at the long curtain wall, the solid gatehouse with its Gothic arch, the crenels along the battlements…
“Mother of God. It’s enormous,” I said softly, after quite some time.
“I thought you’d say that. Come. There are stairs up to the battlements inside and the view from above the gatehouse is… spellbinding.”
“You’re spoiling me today.”
“I know. Don’t worry, I’ll extract my payment later.”
“Payment, is it?” I said, as I fell into step next to her once more.
“Yeah. I’ll demand more hugs.”
“Charley… you’d hardly need to demand those.”
“I know, I know… but it’s still nice to pretend I do. Sometimes,” she added, bumping her hip gently against mine.
She guided us in through the tall gates of the castle’s eastern gate, and I followed her out onto the immaculate lawn of the enormous bailey. She steered me to a corner in the outer wall; a steel gantry and staircase led us upwards onto the battlements.
I leaned against the ancient stones and stared out over the vista of the town below us.
“Wow,” I said, again at loss for anything more meaningful to say.
“Takes your breath away, doesn’t it?” she said.
“Yeah. Oh my. It’s so pretty up here. It must be nice to live on the slope – you can see for miles and miles. I’m officially jealous.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s why they put the castle and Cathedral up here. Closer to heaven or some such muck. I like coming here. Any time I need reminding how tiny I am against the world I come stand up here for an hour or two.”
“You’re not that tiny,” I protested. “You’re the perfect size.”
She smiled. “I know I am, but you know what I mean. It’s really nice to share the view, that’s for sure,” she said. “Especially with you.”
“It’s nice to be here with you. It’s nice to be able to keep that promise at last.”
She glanced up at me.
“I know it’s not the islands…” she began.
“Those are just a dream, Charley. A wonderful, magical, sublime fantasy that you and I get to share. This is real. This is… better. It’s better, Charley. So much better.”
“I’m glad you feel like that.”
She slipped her arm around me. And after a moment I shyly slid mine around her shoulders.