“How many guys have you been with?”
“That’s a direct question.”
“I’m a direct girl.”
I pulled my tee shirt down over my breasts and then paused as I ran the numbers.
“Six,” I answered.
“And you had the same reaction to each of them… afterwards?”
“Yeah. Some more than others, but… yeah. Mostly the same.”
“Ever been with a girl?”
“No,” I said softly. “No, I haven’t.”
“Ever thought about it?”
She put a full wineglass down for me, and turned away while she filled her own.
“Sometimes,” I admitted. “Mainly… well, mainly while watching girls… um… playing with themselves in porn. I did wonder… sometimes. What it was like.”
“So you watch porn?”
“Sometimes,” I admitted. “Actually, I suppose I should be honest and say yes, often. Um… do you?”
“I tried once or twice, but it didn’t do it for me. Not engaging enough. Books work, depending on the book. But I generally need an actual breathing presence by me. Against me.”
She gave me a glance over her shoulder, then turned to face me. She sipped her wine.
“Ask me whatever it is that you’re chewing over,” she said. “You’re mulling. I know you are. Spill it.”
“I’m just… interested, I guess. Interested in talking to you about… stuff. I’ve never really had anyone I could talk to about these things. Mum was hopeless, and… well, I never had anyone else close enough to… confess to. About my…”
“Your…” she said, waiting.
“Issues,” I sighed.
“I will always be here to listen to you,” she said softly. “You can depend on that, Ari. So… what do you want to ask me?”
“What’s it… like. Being with a woman? As opposed to a man, I mean.”
She thought for a moment, then made a face. “It’s… kind of the same for me, really? I mean, there’s… look, there’s always a bit of the harlot in me that wants a rock hard cock sunk in me, right, but… fingers can be magical too. And tongues. And girls know how girls work. Older guys do too, but young guys are… well, the ones I’ve been with have wanted to see my tits and maybe play with my pussy for a few seconds, and then when they discover how wet I mostly am, well…. after that, all they’re interested in is how quickly they can get into me. They’re sweet and intense but… I find that when it comes to my needs and desires, well, experience counts in these matters.”
“You are very beautiful,” I said. “I’m not surprised they’re so desperate to be in you.”
She sighed.
“Meh. I want… I want slow, sometimes. Actually, more than sometimes. I want to be melted. To lose myself in what they’re doing for me. The second time I was with a girl, she spent an hour just getting to know my body. My soul orgasmed,” she said, with a wry grin.
“That sounds nice. To be… treated like that.”
“It is. It’s rare, but it’s out there. Maybe that’s what you’re missing, Ari. Maybe you just need a guy who will be that patient – a craftsman rather than a demolition expert,” she grinned.
I flushed.
“I just wish I knew what was wrong with me,” I said.
“Hey. There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetie. You’re not broken. Far, far from it. You just need to find what works for you and find the man who will learn. I reckon you will. You’re too in touch with yourself for it to be any other way, Ari. You’ve just got different wiring and instructions to other people.”
I sighed; she put down her wineglass and came to me.
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me. “Don’t be sad,” she said. “At least you know you’ll always be loved.”
I flushed pink at the tone in her voice, and made a small stupid sound as she pulled herself closer.
“Shit. Sorry,” she whispered as she started to release me. “Sorry, Ari. I didn’t mean to…”
“Don’t let go!” I cried out as I clutched her to me and buried my face in her hair. “Don’t let me go just yet. Please. Don’t let me go.”
So she held me, and I lost myself for a moment in the sensation of her warm body against me.
“Come,” she said, after a silence. “Lets make supper and go sit outside. It’s my last evening with you and I don’t want to spend it indoors. And now I seriously need the fresh air.”
She gave me a long, thoughtful look before she turned away, and I watched her as she bent to rummage in the fridge.
And I tried to ignore the immensely inconvenient fact that I had felt warm in her arms. And safe. And…
“Come help me, Ari. I’m not your bondswoman yet. You owe me a couple more dinners first.”
So I sighed and went to help, and tried to ignore the strange pang in my heart.
.:.
Sunlight woke me; I opened my eyes slowly, hoping that I’d dodged the worst of any hangover.
Her arm was still curled possessively over me; she snored almost inaudibly against my shoulder.
I lay, enjoying the way her breath curled over my skin and raised goosebumps in its wake.
It looked to be well after dawn.
We’d stayed up late into the night, staring out over the sea as the stars arched above us. She’d talked quietly about her various relationships – the highs, the lows, the heartbreak and disasters that had somehow inevitably dogged her – punctuating each with gentle pressure from the hand in which she’d so familiarly held mine.
I felt no embarrassment around her – there was never even a hint of judgement. She answered anything I asked her – often visibly pausing to think about how best to put it for me.
It was wonderful to have someone to talk to – someone who listened, someone who sympathised with me. Someone wise.
And it had felt so natural to talk to her – to tell her everything…
I lay still, trying to work my way through the complex web of emotions.
Then I sighed.
When was anything in my head ever simple?
Charley stirred, grumbled something about squirrels, and rolled away from me. I sighed again, regretfully this time, almost immediately missing the warm, comforting weight of her arm.
I slipped carefully out of bed and snuck a quick glance at her – mouth open, head arched back in the glorious nest of her cloth-of-gold hair.
She was lovely. My bright, primary colours in this grey world.
I tiptoed to the kitchen and started to brew a French press full of coffee for us. Then I slunk back to the bedroom, slipped onto the bed, and sat there, cross-legged, watching her as she dozed.
The strange, cramping ache under my ribs came back.
I had at most ten hours left with her – and then we would be parted again.
Hopefully only briefly this time – but it was still a bitter pill to have to swallow.
I stared at her, at the line of her jaw, her elegant neck. The faint freckles on her bare shoulder…
And, almost hating myself for doing it, I reached out to gently touch her cheek; swallowing hard at the sudden thudding of my heart…
She stirred, groaned, yawned. I watched her eyes flutter once, twice…
“Ari?” she said softly.
“Yeah. I’m here.”
She stretched, yawned again, rolled over towards me. The vest she was wearing did little for her modesty; her perfect right breast was almost entirely exposed through the low-cut neckline. I flushed; looked down and away quickly, feeling like a peeping Tom despite everything.
“Is it morning?” she groaned.
“I’m afraid so. I’m brewing coffee.”
“Oh. OK. That sounds better. You been awake long?”
“No, not for very long.”
She fumbled for my hand and pulled it closer to her.
Her skin was lovely – warm and soft, smooth…
“What are we doing before I leave?” she yawned.
“Could we… go riding again?”
“The scooter needs to be back by two, so if we were ever going to I guess this morning is the time. Anything particular you want to go see?”
“No,” I said softly. “I just… I just want a few hours of nothing but you and the sun and the wind.”
She paused, gave me a strange look.
“What?” I said.
“You just sounded way more intense than I expected this early in the morning.”
“I’m facing the reality of… well, of you leaving.”
“You have my number this time,” she said. She moved closer to me. Goosebumps crawled up my sides as she reached out to gently touch my exposed knee. “And you promised you’d come and stalk me. I’m trusting that you’ll keep that promise, Ariadne.”
“I will. I swear I will. It’s just…”
I shrugged, hating how helpless I felt.
“This is my paradise,” I whispered, eventually. “This. Being here, just you and me, with not even the slightest part of real life intruding. I’m really going to miss this. Charley. Home is nowhere near as nice as this. Nothing else on Earth is this simple or good. Nothing else makes me happy like this.”
“We will do this again.”
“Will we?”
She sat up, reached out, and pulled me down into a hug.
“Yeah, we will,” she breathed. “I’ll make sure of it. I’ll make sure we come back here.”
I swallowed, then shook my head to clear the cobwebs. “Sorry,” I sighed. “I’m just… in a dark mood.”
“It’s okay. I get it. I’m feeling something similar, I think. Come. Time is short, let’s get moving.”
We dressed in near silence, and ate a quick, simple breakfast. Lost in my thoughts, I walked beside her down to the silver Piaggio. Charley eased us out onto the road; I clung to her back, feeling the way her muscles moved against me, squeezing my eyes closed as I tried to fix the moment in my mind.
Slowly the wind and noise blew the murk from my thoughts. I started to watch the world around us again – started to at least appreciate the bright blue day and the silver sea under the warm, burnished sun.