Aria’s POV.
The night air hung heavy around me as I walked beside Zander, the two of us leaving the noise and grandeur of the party behind. The sounds of laughter, murmured conversations, and clinking glasses followed us faintly as we entered the estate. But none of it mattered. None of it registered. My mind was a storm of tangled thoughts, emotions pulling me in every direction at once.
Lyra’s words clung to me like a curse, replaying over and over again in my head: *”I was his true love.”*
I couldn’t get her face out of my mind-or the flicker of something in Zander’s eyes when he looked at her. It wasn’t just anger. There was something deeper, something he hadn’t explained, maybe something he didn’t want to explain. He had assured me that Lyra was nothing to him now, but the way his jaw had tightened, the way his eyes had darkened-it told me there was more to the story. More he hadn’t shared.
And I needed answers.
When we reached his office, I stopped just outside the door. My hand darted out, gripping his arm before he could disappear inside. The touch was enough to halt him, his body tensing as he turned to face me. His expression was unreadable, his features cast in sharp, unforgiving shadows from the dim hallway light.
“Zander,” I said softly, doing my best to keep my voice steady despite the storm brewing inside me. “I need to ask you something.”
He studied me in silence for a moment, his dark eyes narrowing slightly as though he were trying to determine where this was going. “What is it, Aria?” he asked, his tone calm but guarded.
I hesitated, my heart pounding as I searched his face for something-anything-that might give me a glimpse of the man beneath the Alpha. I had seen pieces of him before, in unguarded moments when his walls weren’t so firmly in place. But tonight, those walls were unbreakable.
“Why am I here?” I asked finally, the words spilling out like a blade aimed directly at him.
His brows furrowed, confusion flickering across his face. “What do you mean?”
I took a shaky breath, forcing myself to keep going. “I mean, why did you bond with me? Why did you choose me as your Luna?” I took a step closer, holding his gaze even though my chest ached. “Was it out of duty? To fulfill some pack obligation? Or… do you actually want me to be your mate? Your true mate?”
His expression hardened instantly. His jaw clenched as he turned his head away from me, refusing to meet my eyes. “This isn’t the time for this conversation, Aria,” he said, his voice low and strained.
“No,” I said firmly, stepping into his line of sight once more. “It is. You brought me into this world, into this life, and I’ve tried-tried so damn hard-to be what you need me to be. But I can’t keep pretending if you don’t even know why I’m here.”
His silence stretched between us, heavy and suffocating.
“Do you want me, Zander?” I pressed, my voice softer now, but no less desperate. “Not as your Luna, not as a pawn in some political game. *Do you want me?*”
For a moment, I thought I saw something-a crack in his carefully constructed armor, a flicker of vulnerability he didn’t want me to see. But then it was gone, replaced by the cold, calculating mask he always wore.
“I don’t know,” he said finally, his voice low and rough, his words cutting through me like a knife.
I felt like the ground had been pulled out from beneath me. I had expected hesitation, maybe even frustration. But not this. Not *I don’t know*.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I demanded, my voice trembling with equal parts anger and pain.
He ran a hand through his hair, his movements jerky, restless. He began pacing the room, his body radiating tension like a storm about to break. “I mean I don’t know what I feel, Aria. I don’t know what I want.” He stopped suddenly, turning to face me, his dark eyes blazing. “This isn’t simple for me. You-this bond-it’s complicated.”
“Complicated how?” I snapped, my frustration boiling over. “Because of Lyra? Because of some past you can’t let go of?”
“No,” he shot back, his voice sharp enough to make me flinch. “This isn’t about Lyra. This is about Kael.”
I froze, his words slamming into me like a physical blow. “Your brother?” I echoed, confusion lacing my voice. “What does he have to do with this?”
His shoulders tensed, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then he let out a harsh breath, his voice bitter and raw.
“Kael died because of you,” he said, his words like a slap across the face.
I stumbled back a step, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might break through my chest. “What?”
He turned to face me fully now, and the anger in his eyes was undeniable. But there was something else there too-pain. “He wasn’t protecting you, Aria. He was chasing you. He died because of you, because of your choices, because you ran. If it weren’t for you, he’d still be alive.”
The air seemed to leave the room, and my mind raced to process what he had just said. Kael-his brother-had died chasing me? I had always known there was more to that night than I understood, but this… this was a weight I hadn’t been prepared to carry.
I stared at him, my voice trembling as I finally spoke. “He wasn’t chasing me because I wanted him to. He was chasing me because I was *running from him*. Because he was trying to hurt me. Did he ever tell you that, Zander?” My voice cracked, but I pushed forward. “Did he ever tell you that he tried to force himself on me? That I ran because I was terrified? Did you ever stop to think that maybe *I’m* the one who should hate *you*? That I should hate him?” My voice rose with every word, anger and grief spilling out of me like a flood.
Zander’s face twisted, his jaw tightening, but he didn’t say anything.
“You think I ruined your life?” I continued, my voice shaking. “Kael tried to ruin mine. And now, you’re doing the same thing. You dragged me into this, into your world, your grief, your anger. And you blame me for everything that’s gone wrong. But I never asked for this, Zander. I never asked for *any* of this.”
He stood frozen, his silence cutting deeper than his accusations ever could.
Tears burned hot in my eyes, threatening to spill over, but I refused to let them fall. I couldn’t give in to the weight pressing on my chest, no matter how much it hurt. “So tell me, Zander,” I said, my voice trembling and cracking under the strain of my emotions. “What am I to you? Am I just a reminder of everything you’ve lost? Am I just some burden you can’t figure out how to get rid of?” My hands clenched at my sides as I forced the words out, each one cutting me as deeply as they were meant to cut him.
Still, he said nothing. He just stood there, silent, his jaw tight and his gaze unreadable.
I sucked in a shaky breath, trying to steady myself, even as my heart felt like it was splitting into a thousand jagged pieces. I had to be strong. I had to say what needed to be said, even if it hurt. “If that’s how you feel,” I continued, my voice shaking but louder now, “if that’s all I am to you, then just say it. Just *say it*. Tell me you don’t care about me, tell me this bond doesn’t mean anything to you, and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll walk away, and you can pretend like none of this ever happened. You can pretend I don’t exist.” My throat tightened, and it felt like the words were choking me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
For a moment, I thought he would answer. His jaw clenched harder, and his fists flexed at his sides. I thought he might actually say the words that would break me completely. But instead, he shook his head, his voice low and rough when he finally spoke. “It’s not that simple, Aria,” he said, his tone strained and barely above a whisper.
“Then make it simple,” I snapped, my voice rising and cracking with the force of my frustration and pain. “Do you want me or not? It’s not a hard question, Zander. Yes or no. Do you want me in your life? Or am I just wasting my time here?”
For the briefest moment, his eyes softened. That hard, impenetrable wall he kept between us seemed to crack, just enough for something to shine through-something I couldn’t name. It wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t pity. It was raw and fleeting, gone before I could fully understand it. But then, just as quickly, his walls slammed back into place. His expression turned cold again, his shoulders stiffening as if he were bracing himself for something. He shook his head, looking away as if he couldn’t bear to meet my eyes.
“I need time,” he said finally, his voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear him.
Time.
The word hung between us, heavy and fragile, like a single thread holding together something that was already falling apart. Time. That was all he could give me. Not answers. Not promises. Just time. And in that moment, I realized what that meant. He wasn’t ready-not ready to let me in, not ready to let himself feel, not ready to trust this bond between us. Not now. Maybe not ever.
I nodded slowly, even though it felt like every movement was tearing me apart inside. I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing my voice to come out steady, even if my heart was anything but. “Fine,” I said, my tone hollow and distant, like the words were coming from someone else. “Take your time, Zander. But don’t take too long. Because I won’t wait forever. I can’t.”
I didn’t wait for his response. I didn’t have the strength to look at him anymore, or to see whatever expression he might have on his face. Without another word, I turned away from him, my footsteps heavy as I walked to the door. The sound of it closing behind me echoed loudly in the silence, a final punctuation to everything I had said.
As I walked down the empty corridor, the weight of everything crashed down on me. For the first time since I had come to this pack, since I had stepped into Zander’s world, I felt truly, devastatingly alone. It wasn’t just the kind of loneliness that came from being by yourself. It was deeper than that, sharper. It was the kind of loneliness that came from giving someone your heart and realizing they might never give theirs in return.