The words hit Sophia like a slap. She opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came out. Instead, she felt a surge of panic rising in her chest. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t risk it. What if I tell him and he laughs? Or worse, what if he pities me?”
Amy squeezed her hand. “What if he feels the same way and you’re both too chickenshit to admit it?”
Sophia’s heart raced at the possibility. Could Jake want more too? The thought was both thrilling and terrifying.
Sophia shook her head vigorously, auburn curls bouncing. “No, no, I can’t do this. I just can’t.” Her voice cracked, betraying the storm of emotions raging inside her.
Emily sighed, exasperated. “Soph, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“He could reject me, Em!” Sophia snapped, her eyes flashing. “And then I’d lose not just the possibility of more, but the friendship we have now. I’d lose the Sunday mornings, the stupid inside jokes, the way he…” She trailed off, realizing how much she’d already revealed.
Amy leaned back, a knowing smirk on her face. “Sounds like you’ve already got more than just a fuck buddy, sis.”
Sophia’s cheeks burned. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest, as if it could shield her from the truth. “It doesn’t matter. Jake’s not the relationship type. He’s made that clear.”
“Has he?” Emily pressed. “Or is that just what you’ve assumed?”
Sophia bit her lip, her mind racing through every interaction, every casual comment. Had she misread things? Or was she just seeing what she wanted to see now?
“I can’t risk it,” she whispered, more to herself than to her friends. “I can’t lose what we have. It’s not perfect, but it’s… it’s something.”
As if on cue, Sophia’s phone vibrated against the coffee table. She flinched, knowing who it was without even looking. Emily, ever the instigator, snatched it up before Sophia could stop her.
“Oh no you don’t,” Sophia lunged for the phone, but Emily danced out of reach, her green eyes scanning the screen.
“It’s Jake,” Emily announced, her tone a mix of triumph and concern. “He’s worried about you.”
Sophia’s stomach twisted. “What does it say?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Emily cleared her throat and read aloud:
Jake: Hey Soph, last night was incredible. You okay? Haven’t heard from you all day.
Jake: If you want to talk about what happened, I’m here. No pressure.
Jake: Getting the feeling you’re not okay. Can we meet up?
Sophia buried her face in her hands, groaning. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Amy leaned over, peering at the texts. “He seems genuinely concerned, Soph. Maybe you should talk to him.”
“And say what?” Sophia snapped, her voice muffled by her hands. “‘Sorry, I’m avoiding you because I’ve caught feelings and I’m terrified of ruining everything?'”
Emily sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe that’s exactly what you should say. Honesty, remember?”
Sophia lifted her head, her hazel eyes swimming with unshed tears. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I just… I can’t.”
The phone buzzed again in Emily’s hand. They all froze, staring at it like it might explode.
Emily’s voice was soft as she read the new message:
Jake: Soph, please, talk to me.
Sophia shook her head vehemently, her auburn curls bouncing. “I can’t,” she choked out, tears finally spilling over. “I just… I fucking can’t.”
Amy slid closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “Jake isn’t Alex, Soph.”
The name hung in the air like a toxic cloud. Sophia flinched, memories of her cheating ex flooding back – the lies, the betrayal, the gut-wrenching pain that had left her confidence in tatters.
“I know that,” Sophia snapped, then immediately deflated. “Logically, I know that. But…”
“But your heart’s scared shitless,” Emily finished, squeezing her friend’s shoulder.
Sophia nodded miserably. “What if I’m reading this all wrong? What if I tell him how I feel and he laughs in my face? Or worse, what if he pities me?”
Amy’s green eyes flashed with determination. “Then he’d be a fucking idiot, and we’d key his surfboard.”
Despite herself, Sophia let out a watery laugh. “You’re terrible.”
“Look,” Amy continued, her tone gentle but firm. “You can’t let Alex’s bullshit keep poisoning your chances at happiness. Jake’s not perfect, but he’s not a monster either. Give him a chance to surprise you.”
Sophia stared at the phone, Jake’s messages blurring through her tears. Her heart raced, torn between the urge to run and the desperate desire to believe in something good again.
“What if I’m not ready?” she whispered. Sophia’s fingers twisted in the hem of her shirt, her knuckles turning white. “It’s been three fucking years,” she spat, anger and frustration bleeding into her voice. “And I can still hear that asshole telling me I’m not good enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fucking interesting enough to keep him from sticking his dick in half the office.”
Emily’s jaw clenched, her usual sunny demeanour darkening. “Alex was a grade-A douchebag, Soph. His opinion means jack shit.”
“I know that!” Sophia’s fist slammed against the couch cushion. “But knowing it here,” she jabbed at her temple, “doesn’t stop it from fucking with me here.” Her hand pressed against her chest, right over her thundering heart.
Amy leaned in, her voice low and fierce. “Listen to me, little sis. You are a goddamn catch. You’re brilliant, you’re funny as hell, and you’ve got a heart big enough to love those two after they pulled that threesome stunt.”
Sophia’s cheeks flushed crimson. “Jesus, Amy!”
“What? It’s true,” Amy shrugged unapologetically. “The point is, Jake’s not some random fuck anymore, and he hasn’t been for a long time. You care about him. And from those texts, it sounds like he gives a shit about you too.”
Sophia’s phone buzzed again. She stared at it like it might explode.
“You don’t have to decide everything right now,” Emily said softly. “But maybe… maybe just talk to him?”
Sophia took a shaky breath, her finger hovering over Jake’s name. “And say what? ‘Hey, sorry I ghosted you after our mind blowing threesome with your older brother, I think I might be falling for you but I’m also terrified you’ll break my heart’?”
Emily squeezed Sophia’s hand, her green eyes filled with understanding. “Baby steps, Soph. Just like when we looked at your limits. One step at a time.”
Sophia’s shoulders sagged, the tension slowly seeping out. She nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah… okay. Baby steps.”
Emily’s thumb traced soothing circles on Sophia’s palm. “What’s the smallest step you can take right now?”
Sophia chewed her lip, her gaze flicking between her phone and Emily’s face. “I could… I could text him back. Just to say I’m okay.”
“That’s perfect,” Emily nodded encouragingly. “You don’t have to dive into the deep end. Just dip your toes in.”
Sophia’s fingers trembled as she picked up her phone. She typed out a message, deleting and retyping several times before showing it to Emily. “How’s this?”
Emily read it aloud, her voice gentle. “‘Hey Jake. Sorry for going MIA. I’m okay, just needed some time to process. Talk soon?’ That’s great, Soph. Honest without oversharing.”
Sophia took a deep breath, her thumb hovering over the send button. “Fuck it,” she muttered, pressing send before she could second-guess herself.
The phone buzzed almost immediately. Sophia’s eyes widened. “Shit, he responded already.”
Amy leaned in, curiosity gleaming in her eyes. “Well? What’d he say?”
Sophia read the message, a small smile tugging at her lips. “He says he’s glad I’m okay and to take all the time I need.”
Emily grinned. “See? Baby steps. And look, the world didn’t end.”