I stared at him for I don’t know how long … not knowing what to say next. I don’t even know how to explain how much what he did hurt me. At one point in my life, I thought I was done with these things. I thought, I’m done hurting myself, crying, getting tired and hurting again.
But here I am again … crying over a man.
“I’m going home,” was the only thing I could say after a few minutes of silence. It was almost a whisper as I barely had the strength to ask and talk to him.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong and I don’t justify it. But I want you to know that I love you. I never stop loving you even though I know there is no certainty if you will come back or if we will see each other again.”
I looked at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes and if maybe he didn’t just lie to me, I probably ran closer to him and immediately wrapped my arms around his neck. But things are different now. I’m not saying I can’t forgive him or I won’t ever forgive him, but I just need some time because what he did was still a lie.
I didn’t respond to what he said. I just gave him a sigh before turning around to go back to my car.
“Let me clean your wound before you go home.” He followed me and stopped right in front of me.
“Thanks, but I can do it myself,” I replied blankly, not even looking at him.
“Sam, please? At least let me clean it and put a bandage on it.”
“I have a medicine kit in the car. I can take care of it, also, it doesn’t hurt much, unlike what you did.” I didn’t miss the pain that showed in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “I’m willing to wait until you’re ready to forgive me.”
“I have to go,” I didn’t even take the first step when he called me again.
“Sam!”
“Goodness!” I gasped loudly when I felt myself being lifted off the ground. He picked me up again and I didn’t have enough time to complain and tell him to put me down because he quickly ran to the parking lot that wasn’t far from where we were.
He just asked me to open the door to the driver’s seat when we reached my car. He gently put me down before running silently to the passenger side and opening the door. I was about to ask him what he was doing when he suddenly took the mini-medicine kit from the glove compartment and then immediately back in front of me.
He rolled up his sleeves up to his elbows and carefully removed my slippers. He cleaned my wound in silence while I also watched him in silence. A lot of things were running through my head as I stared at his face, his arms and his hands that were expertly cleaning that simple cut in my foot.
It’s been so long since I was wrapped in his arms, held by his hands, kissed by his soft red lips as he said the word I love you. I missed him so much and wanted to be wrapped in those muscular arms again but right in that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to say all those things in my head.
As I continued to stare at him, I didn’t notice my tears were falling down my face again. Maybe I just loved him so much that even though I was mad at him, I still appreciated the things he was doing for me.
He had just finished dressing my wound when he looked up and saw me crying. I quickly wiped those tears and looked away when he straightened his body and looked at me.
“Hey,”
I bit my bottom lip when he reached my face and helped me wipe those tears with his thumb. But instead of stopping, they just flowed freely down my face that he had to pull me to his chest and hug me. I just closed my eyes when I felt the warmth of his body radiating through his shirt. I couldn’t complain because I barely had the strength to free myself from his embrace.
I felt his hold tighten as he kissed the top of my head and whispered …
“Shhh … I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Sam. I’m not asking you to forgive what I did right away, because I know it’s wrong. Just take your time. I’m just here, waiting for you until you’re ready to accept my apology. I love you. I love you so much, babe.”
I was surprised when he called me that endearment again and I admit, it still gave me the same feeling of assurance and security just like I felt when I was with him back then. Nothing has changed yet. He is still the former David that I admired and loved until now.
“Do you want me to drive you home?” He asked me when I finally freed myself from his arms.
“Thanks, but I can manage.” I replied more calmly, giving him a faint smile.
“Are you sure —”
“Yes, that small wound won’t make me disabled.”
He didn’t say anything. He just took a deep breath before helping me settle in the driver’s seat. He took a step back after closing the door. But before I could start the engine, there was a knock on the window.
“Sam, please be extra careful while driving.” I just gave him a quick nod.
He didn’t move from his spot even though I was already a few meters away. Maybe he just waited for me to be out of his sight before leaving. And that was the last day I saw him… in that calendar month as I decided to leave New York for a while to breathe.
Even Jack was surprised when I told her what I found out. She was mad at first but then laughed eventually. She said her instincts never failed her especially when she once told me to be brave and told David about my feelings.