The sound of the heart machine beeping in my head, as white light flashed through my eyes, I struggled to open my eyes but the light was too bright making me close it and adjust to it before opening it again.
I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room, I had watched too many movies to know this wasn’t heaven, and immediately told myself, I was in a hospital bed.
I felt a hand grab mine and I turned to find Ethan sitting beside me. “Emily you are awake” his deep voice vibrated, his eyes looked swollen red.
I didn’t say a word, I didn’t have the strength to. I surveyed the room looking at the equipments I was plugged into and tears began to roll down my eyes.
I laid there silently for a while playing the events of what happened in my head, I didn’t think I could survive, I didn’t think I would wake up after all that.
I put my hands on my stomach feeling it wrapped in a bandage, “my baby?” I thought.
“How is my baby” I asked glaring at Ethan who just shook his head.
“you lost the baby,” he said and my heart sank, the tears flowing freely down my eyes.
“What did you say” I cried and Ethan just tightened his grip on my hand.
“Jake killed my baby,” I said out loud at the realization.
“Your son killed my baby” I yelled feeling a surge of anger as I turned to Ethan, I wanted Jake to rot in jail, I wanted him to pay.
“Where is he, I hope you would help me get justice, I hope you would put your son behind bars where he deserves” I questioned Ethan knowing he might not, Jake might just get away with it because he had his father’s love.
“Jake is…” Ethan cut me off pausing halfway as I stared eagerly waiting for him to tell me that Jake was in prison.
“Jake is dead,” Ethan said and my heart sank further.
I sat up quickly staring at him with eyes open wide.
“Wh-what do you mean” I stuttered staring at Ethan who reluctantly raised his head to catch my gaze.
“you killed Jake,” he said and my heart skipped a beat, I could hear the heart monitor beeping faster as my heart began to race.
My body trembling at the thought, I snatched my hands away from Ethan staring at them as the memory of me hitting Jake with a candle stand came flashing back to me like a nightmare.
I killed Jake, I am a murderer.
*******
Two weeks later.
I was finally out of the hospital, according to Ethan I had been in the hospital for a month, unconscious for over two weeks while I spent the rest of the days going through healing and both physio and mental therapy.
“I don’t want to go back there,” I said to Ethan as I noticed him take the road back to the mansion, I didn’t want to go back to the mansion, and at the moment I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to Ethan.
“Okay,” Ethan said without arguing, he had been by my side at the hospital throughout my stay but his presence felt distant and cold, he hardly said anything to me and only answered my questions.
When I was freaking out about what happened to Jake, he didn’t say a word and instead avoided my eyes.
“Where are we going,” I asked watching him change directions.
“to the beach house” he replied with a cold tone and I shook my head again.
“I don’t want to go to the beach house,” I said, I didn’t want to go anywhere Jake had been, anywhere Ethan had taken me before, I wanted a new environment, somewhere I could forget what happened a month ago.
“Where would you like us to go?” He wondered and I kept quiet, I had no idea where.
“Should I take you to Jennifer?” He questioned and I shook my head.
Jennifer had been coming to see me a lot at the hospital lately, I knew it meant we were back to being friends again but it didn’t to me.
“No” I replied and Ethan sighed, parking the car at the edge of the road and turning to face me.
“What do you want” he asked, the irritation in his voice so evident not even his deep voice could hide it.
“I don’t know,” I said staring at his eyes, his eyes looked cold and loveless, the love that glistened for me was no longer there.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I said moving my eyes away from him and staring at the dashboard.
“I can’t pretend I didn’t just lose a child and your son didn’t try to kill me,” I said as tears began to fall from my eyes, I didn’t dare to say out loud that I killed Jake, even if it was self-defense it felt too heavy.
“I don’t think we can move past this” I continued, I had no idea what I hoped Ethan would say, I didn’t expect him to convince me or change my mind but the next thing that came out of his mouth was unexpected.
“I agree” Ethan’s voice vibrated.
“I think we should end this now,” he said and my heart broke.
“Hm!” I Exclaimed out of shock, turning to stare at him, he was serious.
How could he be so inconsiderate and cold, after I almost died to be with him?
“I am sorry” he continued and I narrowed my eyes.
“I can’t shake off the thought that you were responsible for my only son’s death,” Ethan said and my narrowed eyes widened.
“Jake was everything to me and I don’t know if I can get over it” He continued and as each word escaped his mouth I felt annoyed and disgusted.
“you are blaming me?” I spat wondering how he could blame me for his psychopathic son’s behavior, the son who tried to kill me and killed his unborn child.
“No I am blaming myself,” he said quickly before I continued talking.
“I should have known better, this relationship is not worth what you have been through and if I didn’t go after my son’s girlfriend none of this would have happened” Ethan confessed, I could sense guilt as his voice cracked. His eyes looked teary but not a simple drop fell.
“I am ashamed of myself, My selfishness put you and Jake in that position”
“It’s not…” I was about to say it was not his fault when I choked, maybe it was his fault, and a little of mine too.
He raised a monster and I walked into the lion’s den, Jennifer warned me, and even my father did.
“So what now?” I asked taking the ring off my hand, I had put it back on when I saw it by my bedside at the hospital.
“I would take you to the hangar, The pilot would take you to Ashville or wherever you want to go,” Ethan said and my heart broke deeper.
I nodded. Placing the ring in the cup holder and watching him ignite the car and start driving.
As he drove me to the airport I couldn’t help but wonder, was this the end, the love I fought everyone for was ending just like that? Did I really want it to end?