Sara’s POV
A minute later, I’m in my room, buried under my blanket. Hiding. From who? Me. My actions. My shamelessness.
I scream silently and shut my eyes tight. As if that’s going to erase what I’ve done.
How did I go from being a girl who refused to sleep with her boyfriend of three years to a girl who is ready to do it all with two different guys in two nights?
Two guys I’ve known for only a few weeks. The mate bond isn’t a good excuse, since I had one with Victor too.
The worst part is that I don’t regret doing it. Because I know, even if I tried to lie to myself that I’ve got any morals left, if one of them came looking for me right now, I wouldn’t be able to resist.
Fine, I can blame all of this on my body, on biology. But what about my thoughts?
I should be disgusted at my behaviour. I should want to fix whatever is wrong with me.
But the only reason I’m hiding under my blanket is that I’m aware of how unfair this is to the two of them. Just because I can’t control myself around them doesn’t mean it’s okay to mess around with both of them.
Especially Levi. Oh God, Levi. From day one, he made it clear that he hated the idea of me being close to other males. Now, he is willing to bend backwards to make me like him enough to accept him as my mate. I recall his words;
“I can make you forget all others.”
He said it as if he has come to terms with the fact that I’m a little hussy, but he is determined to make me exclusively his. I can no longer get mad about his assumption. He is right.
Everybody talks about how controlling he is. And yet here he is, agreeing to my rules, even if he is the one doing me a favour.
Victor would never do something like this for me. The two are light years apart. I said I wanted to know him first. What else do I need to know?
If he is willing to do this for me, what other proof would I be looking for? Now that I think about it, I do have some nerve.
Here I am, a weak-ass Omega with nowhere to go, busy looking her gift horse in the mouth.
Growing up with an Alpha family must have spoiled my survival instincts. I must have forgotten who I am.
But then again, I’ve never lived as who I am. I was barely two years old when Victor’s parents took me in. I grew up in privilege.
If it hadn’t been for everybody around me reminding me I was an adopted Omega, I never would have known my true station.
That must be why I think I have the luxury of choosing to accept Levi or not. If my parents were alive, they’d probably smack some sense into my head. If my fellow Omegas knew about my ‘dilemma’, they’d think I’m the stupidest werewolf on the planet.
Obviously, I’m not Levi’s ideal type. I’m stubborn, I get aroused by other males around him, and I’m an Omega. He is an Alpha. And yet, he wants me. He actually wants me.
Most Alphas wouldn’t have wasted so much time after finding out they were fated to an Omega before rejecting them. But Levi wanted me from the moment we first met. I told him having a mate bond wasn’t enough. To him, it was enough.
A shocking thought streaks through my mind.
Is Levi Fox a romantic?
I know, it sounds crazy. But what kind of werewolf gladly accepts their fated one without bothering to ask questions?
The kind that has been waiting for them all their lives. The kind with a fairytale-like image of mated life in their head.
That sounds like one reason an Alpha would ignore the consequences of mating someone much weaker than them. Being in love is another, but that doesn’t apply to me and Levi.
I gradually lower the blanket and stare at the ceiling. I should forget about Christian and Kai.
The thought alone makes my heart ache. Which is ridiculous, because what’s the alternative? I cannot be with all of them! I have to choose one and reject the others.
The ache intensifies. Christian’s face fills my mind, and I try imagining rejecting him. I can’t.
When I think of Kai, I remember him talking of harems and threesomes My face heats up at the memory. What a joker! He must have been pulling my leg. Especially about the dream involving Levi. It makes sense for me to have that kind of dream. Not him.
Unless he really thought about it.
Why would he…does he like guys too? Is he attracted to Levi?
I sigh and shift onto my side. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. If my parents were around, would I be close enough to my mother to confide in her? Or, my grandmother. Grandmothers are good for that kind of thing, I think.
I was never close to Victor’s grandparents. He lost his maternal grandparents long ago, and his paternal grandparents are not close with his parents.
I’ve never known of the story behind their estrangement. Anyway, it meant that I didn’t get to experience any sort of grandmotherly love which would have come in handy now.
I wonder about my grandparents. Why did none of them take me in? Are they all dead? I realise there are so many questions I should have asked the Jamesons but never did.
Whenever I got curious, my fear of upsetting them or seeming ungrateful kept my mouth shut.
I reach for Edna inside my head. “What do you think?”
She is quiet, for a long time. I almost think she is asleep when she replies. “He truly wants to protect us. There is no reason to not accept him.”
I sense a but, so I prod, “But?”
“I wish there was a way.”
“To?”
More silence. And then, in a tone that borders on defiant, she admits, “They are ours. I cannot bear rejecting any of them.”
“Edna”
“I know. Crazy. But it’s okay. It’ll solve itself once we complete the bond with Levi. Once he claims you, the other bonds will dissipate.”
Indeed, they will. And then it will not be such a dilemma anymore. When Levi claims and marks me, all this will be irrelevant.
Then, there is no need to tell him about Christian and Kai, right?
I pull my knees towards my chin and wrap my arms around them, curling into a ball.
I should feel better knowing everything will work itself out. But all I feel is a profound sadness. I can only hope it’ll dissipate when the bonds do.