~ Sihwa’s Pov ~
From the moment I fell in love with Wendy, things started piling up for me. Even if it was just a dream-like play. The time I spent with Wendy was really happy when we met. I often wonder if this butterfly feeling I sense in my stomach are emotions of obsession and not love. The longing of not letting go but keeping them by my side for the rest of their lives. Even if they are happy or not, I just don’t care. As long as they are on my side. They belong to me and no one else owns them.
Yet, I have no regrets for having such thoughts.
I left the clan without a word. Leaving my past behind me. The act of staying far away from the clan, knowing I built a legacy behind without maintaining it, and handing it to someone else, fulfills me.
Knowing, I’m never going back. I don’t care if I left my little son behind. He will grow up well on his own. With or without me in his life. It is preferable for him to grow up with his mother, Wendy, than with me. Wendy is pure and would develop the Grimwolf pack to be a better place. With me, it is impossible, I will make his life miserable.
To tell the truth, I never thought Wendy would become pregnant. Did she not take some sort of medication? Now that I think about it, would she even understand what protection or pills meant to prevent pregnancy? However, I ought to have exercised more caution.
I experienced independence and the delight of exploring the world without alphas, regulations, or pack members instructing me what to do during the nine months I’ve been away from the clan. No devotion. No accountability. Alone with me. In order to better express myself, I chopped off my long hair and styled it shoulder-length with a center part. I don’t care that my eyes are still blazing red. I’ve never been happier than I am now. Wendy is the Luna of the Grimwolf pack. I never thought she would become more adept at managing the clan’s members. My half-brothers supported her, accompany her. Which, incidentally, is good. All I have to do now is head to the next clan.
I’m proud of them. And Wendy.
“Sihwa.” Ignoring the strong wind that was whipping my hair out of my face, I heard Chris’ voice behind me.
I caught sight of her. Standing next to Chris in the forest hill with me was Shiri Grimwolf, dressed in a black cloak. They stood before me, Chris holding her small hand. Seeing her here made my heart flutter. She’s come a long way. She was a newborn when I last held her in my arms. A baby. Brought into the world because of my inability to exercise self-control while in a rut.
If I had taken my drugs, the voices in my head wouldn’t have taken control of me to unexpectedly sleep with her mother. Impregnating her mother was one of the things I regret so much in my life. I wish I could turn back time.
Still, I don’t regret her birth.
“Shiri.” I smiled softly, feeling relieved she was alright. Her long red hair and bloody eyes, cute features were similar to mine. She will be a pretty woman when she grows up.
Shiri knelt down and bowed before me. “Thank you, Alpha Sihwa for-”
“Stand on your feet, Shiri. No need for the formalities.” I chuckled. She got up, slowly came up to me and hugged my waist. I patted her head with my black hand gloves on as always.
“I miss you so much, dad.” My other hand held her back.
“Ravenna would be proud.” Chris looked around the forest hills we stood on with a little smile on his face. “Do you think it is okay for her to live with Wendy in the clan? You haven’t seen her since she gave birth to your son.”
“Just don’t tell her she is my daughter.” I commented and wouldn’t take my eyes off Shiri. Her face buried inside my fur, black overcoat as she continued hugging me.
“She’s gonna know she’s Ravenna’s daughter. She has come across Ravenna before at the clan, remember?”
“Then, tell her who she is.”
“Sihwa, are you sure about this?”
“The Grimwolf clan is a strong fortress which I have built and taken care of over the years.” Shiri glanced up at me. “The clan is the only place she would feel safe. If anyone finds out who she is at the mosque, I hid her in. They will not miss the opportunity to make use of her. I’m popular among the society of werewolves, Chris. Don’t make me explain myself again.”
“Shiri is my niece, too, Sihwa.” Chris firmly stood his ground. “I care about her, too. I just want to make sure you are making the right decision.”
My thumbs held her chin as I went on. “Shiri is born out of incest due to the horrible mistake I made.”
“Sihwa, you are not supposed to-”
“I don’t want my bloodline repeating itself. Any sort of traditions and cultures, I burnt all of them down to the ground when I renamed the clan. My mother was born out of incest. My bloodline raped me and caged me up for years. I’m not normal. I have to take drugs to function. We all suffered the consequences and negligence of our parents’ actions. I’m not about to repeat the same mistake.” My eyes gaze settled on Chris. “Wendy can make the pack a better place. Shiva, Shiri and Shiraz can live together and look forward to a bright future. But I can’t look forward to a bright future. I’m stuck up in the past.”
“Sihwa-”
“Tell Wendy everything about me.” I instructed my elder brother and motioned Shiri to go meet Chris. She nods and runs along to Chris.
“Aren’t you supposed to do that yourself?” He frowned and closed her ears.
“No, she wouldn’t listen to me.” And that was the truth. “She would burn herself to keep me warm.”
Many moons ago, I had sneaked out of my clan on the day of the full moon, when I had an encounter with Wendy Nightshade. It felt so choking to stay up in my quarters and get guarded all day without seeing the daylight. Because of my fragile body, I hardly came outside and none of the members of the clan in my household would let me out of the pack in peace.
I was 25 years old when I met a 7 year old, Wendy at the side of the bridge that night. How did she get here, I wondered, after she bumped into me. Her dark purple hair and violet eyes held my gaze. Her innocent look and cute features amazed me. She is definitely Liam George’s daughter.
I recognized his scent on her. I will never forget the scent of someone who once saved my life. She was cute by the way. I walked past her, to walk around some more before going back to the pack. Once they notice I was missing, they will turn the pack upside down and I’m too bothered to try giving an explanation. Bloodshed is my way of talking to anyone nowadays.
Surprisingly, she wouldn’t let me go. She kept clinging onto me.