Mena
After the art exhibition ended, Alessio suggested to buy the children some ice cream. Well, Melody forced him-and he agreed.
Naty and Melody were over at the playground, eating their ice cream, while Alessio and I watched them from a bench nearby.
Same as Naty, I was surprised that he had shown up. When it came to Naty, I was used to doing everything on my own, without any support and without expectations, because Anson had shown us not to have them.
Naty really wanted him to come, and I initially wanted to tell her not to ask him, as I was scared of rejection, but also she might’ve felt like she had nothing to lose.
Thank God he came, because the parents there were not my crowd. It also brought back a reminder of how different we were from each other-but until now, we had made it work.
“We left at a good time,” Alessio broke the peaceful silence. “I couldn’t stand being around those children any longer.”
I chuckled at his words. During the exhibition, the children all tried to grab his attention. To them, he was known as Melody’s big brother who always played with her, and aside from calling him ugly, she had bragged so much about him.
Alessio lived up to the image she had created of him and played with them, clearly oblivious to the effect he had on them.
He was like an unapproachable grizzly bear to those he didn’t like, but at times, that grizzly bear would change into a giant teddy bear. Especially those children seemed to get through his kinder, gentler side. It was ridiculously shocking how good he was with them, without even trying.
Watching him interact with them made me wonder about something I’d never considered asking before. It was a thought that suddenly felt important, not just out of curiosity but mainly for the future.
It made me wonder…
“I’ve never asked you before, but do you actually want children?” I blurted out, hating myself for asking that question. I didn’t want to come off as too pushy.
I knew how he felt about marriage because he had joked about buying me a bigger ring in the future, but somehow this topic had slipped our mind. I knew what I wanted, and hoped we were on the same page.
Alessio gave a simple shrug. “I’m just going with the flow, whatever you want,” he spoke nonchalantly. Even a bit too calm and easy for me. He would often respond in that matter, and it was a small pet peeve of mine.
“Yes, but don’t you have an opinion?” I pushed further, wanting more than just a laid-back reply.
“I shoot, you deliver-so I don’t know if I have a say in that,” he just wouldn’t give in. I flickered my eyes. “So what you’re saying, if I understand correctly, is that you’re fine with getting me pregnant right now?”
“No, that’s not what I meant,” Alessio leaned forward with furrowed brows, giving me a look as if he was asking whether I was being serious. “I don’t want children right now. At least not for another four years-but if you want them in the future, I’m all in.”
That’s all I wanted to hear.
“See, was that so hard?” I rolled my eyes with a laugh, nudging his shoulder.
“You think too much,” Alessio chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re too difficult.”
Maybe, just maybe-it wouldn’t have to be this difficult if he had just given me an answer the first time.
“Anyway, I agree on the children part,” I told him. “I want like two more, but not right now. I had Naty at a young age, I just want to relax for now.”
“Two more?” Alessio spoke sarcastically, shaking his head in disapproval. “Unacceptable. A Fanucci should have ten children, at least.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, realizing he was also kind of mocking his dad. Domenico was the only one with four children, compared to Alessio’s grandparents, Uncle and Aunts who had six or more.
I blamed my fear of having to take care of too many children on my own struggles with my family. I often felt forgotten among my many siblings, and the thought of ever doing the same to my children, not being able to divide my attention, traumatized me. There were people who could do it, but I doubted I could be one of those people.
“Mommy, I dropped ice cream on my uniform!” Naty came running towards us, Melody close behind her.
My eyes fell upon the small stain on her uniform, and I shot Alessio a look that made him clear his throat, because he understood all too well. I had told him this wasn’t the best idea-but he was certain the girls wouldn’t spill their ice cream.
“Stay here, I’ll go grab napkins,” I laughed at him. Then I made my way to the truck where we had bought our ice cream. I grabbed a handful of napkins from the counter.
“Jimena, is that you?”
Just as I was about to walk away, a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks. I swiftly turned around, coming face to face with Mrs. Rodriguez. The best neighbor who was kind enough to watch Naty whenever I was at work, and had even picked her up from school a few times.
“It really is you,” the old woman spoke in excitement. She let go of her shopping trolley to pull me into a tight hug. “I almost didn’t recognize you because of your hair!”
“It’s really good to see you,” I closed my eyes, holding her for a moment longer. I had come to terms with my new life, but that woman would always hold a special place in my heart.
“God, where have you been?” Mrs. Rodriguez pulled away. “I was about to report you missing, but then I heard the apartment was empty and you don’t live there anymore.”
I was too embarrassed and at a loss for words to even answer. What I had done, leaving my old life behind without as much as a thank you letter, was so low and out of character for me.
“You could’ve at least given me a call,” she smiled, gently pushing my shoulders. Looking into her eyes, I could tell that I truly had hurt her feelings. She treated me like a daughter, she had been so good to us, and here I stood in front of her-in my designer dress, carrying my designer bag.
“I should’ve, and I’m sorry,” I smiled back faintly. It was easier to accept my mistake than to make up excuses.
“How are you, how is Nat-” her voice got stuck in her throat as she followed the sound of Naty’s giggles and saw her in Alessio’s arms as he spun her around. The sight caused me to shut my eyes for a moment because by the look on her face, I could tell she recognized him.
She turned to me with a small gasp before looking down at the ring on my finger. I moved my hand behind my back. Whatever bad emotion existed, I felt it at that moment.
Guilt, embarrassment, sadness-all of it.
“I-I can explain,” I stuttered, trying to talk myself out of it although I wasn’t even sure why.
I had never seen Mrs. Rodriguez look at me with those cold eyes before. Eyes of disappointment because I got entangled with the same family she had warned me to stay away from.
“I can stop by one of these days so we can have a talk-”
“That won’t be necessary. God bless you and your daughter, Jimena,” she said, her tone sharp and final.
Without another word, Mrs. Rodriguez turned her trolley around and walked away quickly, as if she didn’t want to be seen with me.
My chest felt heavy as I finally knew why I hadn’t contacted her in the first place. It was for this very same reason.
The people from our old neighborhood were not big fans of the Fanuccis. They feared and hated them so much that I used to hide my uniform starting from leaving the apartment, to the bus, to whenever I brought and picked up Naty from school-just so no one would associate me with them.
Things had changed for me.
I wasn’t embarrassed by my connection to Alessio or his family. I loved him, I wanted to be with him-I was aware not everyone liked them, but disappointing Mrs. Rodriguez was something I wished I could’ve avoided.
Forcing a smile onto my face, I clutched the napkins tightly, and took a deep breath before making my way back.
“Naty!” I called out, faking my voice to hide what had just happened. Melody instantly grabbed the napkins from my hand and wiped the ice cream stains on Naty’s uniform.
“Who was that?” Alessio slung his arm around my waist.
“Oh…no one,” I said, brushing off the encounter as if it were nothing, as if I was not two seconds away from crying because I felt like a piece of shit.
“Your no one looked like someone,” Alessio whispered in my ear. “But because you’re you, I’ll let your someone be no one if that’s what you want,” he then kissed my temple.
I laughed, trying to unpack his words. “What are you even saying?”
“I’m saying that I love you,” Alessio spoke, wrapping his arms around me from the back as he swayed me side to side.
Being in his arms felt right, and the situation with Mrs. Rodriquez slowly left my mind. In that moment, nothing else mattered anymore.
The Fanuccis were good to me, good to Naty-and what they did outside of that shouldn’t be any of my business. That’s the way I could love Alessio, and that’s how I would continue to love him.