Beverly had been reaching to shake the woman’s hand, but her hand retracted as if it had been bit by a snake. That name had held a special place of hatred in her heart. And she had never even met the woman. This was Tammy’s ex-girlfriend. The one who had cheated on her, broke her heart, made her quit her dream-job at the FBI and sent her fleeing across the country from Washington D. C. to the backwoods of Alaska.
Strangely the woman seemed nonplussed. “I see my reputation precedes me.” She had a smile on her face, but not one the exuded happiness. Rather, it seemed tired.
“What the hell do you want here? Haven’t you done enough to her?”
“More than enough.” Carrie looked off across the yard. “Or may I didn’t do enough for her.” She looked at her feet, as if unable to stand up to Beverly’s withering glare.
A little of the wind had been taken out of Beverly’s sails. She had rehearsed this argument in her head a thousand times. There were a thousand spiteful things she had wanted to say, and she had anticipated every retort this woman would utter if they met. That moment had arrived, and Carrie wasn’t even putting up a fight.
“I mean, didn’t you . . .”
“Yeah,” Carrie interrupted. “Everything she said that I did . . . I did. I’m not worried about embellishment. Tammy was never the kind of person to subscribe to that.”
Beverly noted something in Carrie’s reminiscence. It sounded like fondness. Beverly went into defense mode. If this woman had come to win Tammy back, then Beverly would fight her for it.
“Just so you know, she and I are together.” That was one of those sentences that seemed much cooler in her head.
Carrie smiled, but this time there was some genuine warmth there. Suddenly, Beverly felt very silly. “You’ve got fire in you. You’re the sort of person she would fall for.” The smile vanished. “Just don’t blow it.” Beverly actually detected the presence of tears in the woman’s eyes.
“Don’t worry,” Carrie continued. “I’m not here to try and win her back. As if I could. Forgiveness would be nice, but it isn’t mine to ask for. Just hers to give. Mostly, I want her to stop punishing herself.”
Now Beverly was perplexed. “Punishing? What the hell are you talking about?”
Carrie smiled whimsically. “She told you about what she wanted to do in the Bureau, right?”
Beverly nodded. “I think she mentioned forensics.”
“For starters. She really wanted to get into behavioral sciences. Psychological profiling, examining evidence . . . basically, she wanted to track down serial killers.”
Beverly was stunned. Tammy had barely told her about any of her Bureau years. The memory of them was painful to her.
“And she would have done it too. The next opening in the department was going to her. She was the prize pupil at the Bureau.”
“But because she quit . . .”
” . . . she gave up everything. I screwed up, so she threw it all away.”
The two women stood in silence for a moment. Carrie broke the silence. “I didn’t know she was seeing someone. I didn’t know if she really liked her life out here or not. But I didn’t want her to give up the opportunity to be something special because I was an idiot.”
“Why did you do it? I mean, she’s beautiful and intelligent and . . . and I’m babbling like a lovesick schoolgirl.”
“You probably are.” Carrie gave her a quick grin, and Beverly felt most of the hatred she had carried around dissipate. “I never quite figured it out. The guy I had sex with . . . well, he literally meant nothing. He was a means to an end. He was no more important than a well-pressed suit in regards to getting a promotion. But I forgot, while it meant nothing to me, it would to her. I . . . I don’t what I was thinking. I had bought into the bureaucratic . . .” She paused. Beverly could sense the sorrow in her voice. “I put the job above everything, and it cost me the only thing that mattered.”
Beverly just couldn’t hate the woman any more. She wasn’t some dastardly villain from an animated movie. She was just someone who had screwed up with the wrong person at the wrong time. “I’m sorry,” was all she could think to say.
Apparently, Carrie was caught off-guard. When your talking to an ex-lover’s new romantic interest, you usually don’t expect sympathy. “Thank you. Listen, I’m staying at a Motel 6 a few miles towards Anchorage. Please, if you could ask her to call me. Just to talk to me . . . I’d really appreciate it.”
“O. k. I’ll make sure she calls.” Beverly thought about it for a second, then reached out her hand. “It was nice meeting you.”
Again, Carrie was taken aback. But she took the gesture, shaking the young girl’s hand. “Thanks again.” A smile, oh so slight, played across her face, and Beverly could have sworn she saw a glimmer of happiness, or maybe hope, residing there. “I think I can see why she likes you.” Beverly actually blushed as Carrie handed her the number for the hotel, climbed in her car, and waved before speeding down the road.
Beverly just sat on the porch swing, thinking about what had just transpired. She was suddenly afraid. Not of Carrie, but of Tammy thinking about taking the job. What would that mean for them? She pondered that thought for two hours as she sat outside. She did let the dogs out, and they contentedly curled up at her feet after frolicking in the yard for a few minutes.
Finally, Tammy’s jeep pulled into the drive. Beverly was trying to figure out how to break this news to her, when she noticed another figure in the passenger seat. The door opened.
“Brian?!?” screamed Beverly. She ran down to the jeep where her older brother, who she hadn’t seen in months, caught her up in a great big brotherly hug. “What are . . . I mean . . .”
“I’ll explain later,” he said with a huge smile. “I need to put some stuff in . . .”
“That door right behind you,” finished Tammy, who had gotten out and was pointing to the guesthouse that Beverly used to live in. She had a scornful look on her face, but it wasn’t directed at Brian or her.
“Hey, get set up, and I’ll come down in a second and you can explain everything.”
“Will do, ‘lil sis.” He smiled again. He looked happy to see her, but she could tell by looking in his eyes that something had happened. She wondered what her father had done now. He started hauling stuff out of the back of the jeep as she hurried to catch up with Tammy who was walking up to the main house.
Tammy turned when she noticed she was being followed. “How many of you am I going to have to adopt?” she said, smiling a very tired smile.
“What happened? I mean what about my other brothers?”
“Brian will explain it all. I don’t think I’ve got energy enough to deal with this anymore.”
“I’m REALLY sorry to hear that.”
Tammy looked up. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ve got something I need to tell you that you’re going to need to deal with right now.” Tammy looked suddenly alarmed, and Beverly hugged her and kissed her before she got the wrong idea. “No, it’s not about me. It’s . . . well . . .”
“Well what?”
“Carrie was here.”
Tammy had the look of someone who had just been hit hard between the eyes with a baseball bat. She practically fell onto her ass on the steps to the house. “Here? When?”
“About an hour ago. She wanted to talk to you. Face to face.”
“Why? Didn’t she do enough already? Did she have to hound me across an entire country to rub it in?”
“I don’t think that’s it at all.”
“Are you defending her now?” Tammy looked bewildered.
“Tammy, she fucked up. And I was all set to hate her too, because I love you.” Tammy’s face softened a bit with that statement. “But I talked to her, and I can’t hate her. I think you should at least call her and talk to her, for your sake if not for hers. You can’t keep carrying this around inside you.” She kissed the forlorn looking sheriff again, but this time it was softer and lasted longer. “Please?” she added, handing Tammy the number for the hotel.
Tammy looked shaken, but eventually nodded her consent. Beverly helped her to her feet and moved toward the door.
“No. I need to do this on my own. Go talk to your brother. I’ll be okay.”
Beverly reluctantly let go of Tammy’s arm and strode down to the guest house, looking over her shoulder until her lover disappeared into the house. Brian was waiting at the door to the guesthouse.
“What was that about?” he asked.
“Things left undone,” she replied, and he seemed smart enough to leave it at that.
The two siblings sat on the bed and started talking. Brian had tried to visit a few times after her exodus, but the visits had stopped after her father found out. He filled her in on what had happened. Apparently, her father had become even more paranoid and abusive since she left. She felt a pang of guilt about that, but let Brian continue. Her father had started preaching more and more venomous things to her brothers about Beverly, Tammy, and women in general. He didn’t let the boys got out unattended at all out of fear they might be corrupted. He cut back on their food and comforts in order to “make them humble.” Brian had a sneer on his face when he said that, which was strikingly out of place on his normally pleasant demeanor. He had taken the boys to church every day and had verbally berated his own children in front of the congregation of neo-fascists that still listened to him.
Beverly was sick to her stomach the whole time Brian went on. She knew her father was spiteful, but this was going too far.
Apparently, Brian had finally stood up to him when he threatened to punish one of the younger boys. The two of them had actually broken down into a fight. Brian was bigger and stronger than his father, who had used intimidation as his primary weapon for years. One of her younger brothers had called the cops while the two of them fought. Tammy had conveniently been in the area, and she and a couple of deputies had arrive and broken things up. After hearing about her father’s behavior, Tammy had called in Children’s Services and had the younger boys taken somewhere safe until this could be sorted out. But Brian was too old to take advantage of such services, so Tammy had brought him home with her.