Athena
“Clench your fist,” Frederick instructed, holding my arm steady. His eyes filled with amusement. “Don’t make a sissy fist, tighten your hands or you’ll be down before You can blink twice.”
I was sixteen again, my hair was short, freshly chopped because the lower half was in tangles and it was a fucking mess. It was held back with a headband, revealing my fierce eyes. I was always that way wasn’t I? Fierce. Angry. Mad at everyone and everything.
Frederick was a few meters away from me, holding a board up in front of him, his lips were pulled in a stern line but his eyes twinkled at me. He had made a stupid bet with me that if punched the board hard enough to make him budge an inch, he would finally let me test out his Glock.
It was almost impossible to do so. Frederick had looked so huge, like a fucking mountain, unmoving, never shaking and taking my hots like they were that of flies.
We were in the training field, a place where agents, especially combat agents, trained and practiced their skills. Frederick had brought me there every day for two months, making me do silly pushups and slave like a damned fool.
Sixteen year old me had found it hard. But I would not give up. I would never give up. I drove my fists rapidly into the board he held up, giving every hit my all. Frederick laughed at my attempts, loud and boisterous, his eyes shone brightly as he watched me huff, pant and punch.
“Stop laughing at me!” I yelled, angry at the mocking look on his face.
“I am not,” He said, his shoulders still shaking with laughter.
“I’m not blind!” I hissed, yanking my gloves off and tossed it to the ground. “I’m done! You’re just a big bad bully, making fun of me!”
His laughter slowly stopped then, and he placed his hand on his hips scrutinizing me. I must look quite the sight. My arms folded, my shoulders heaving in the tank top I wore. A few strands of hair were matted to my forehead, and beads of sweat gathered over my face, my chest and armpits.
I was so fucking tired.
“You’re done?” He asked, throwing the board away, folding his arms as he assessed me. “This is how you want to find your father’s killer?”
My face scrunched up in a frown and I glared at him. “I don’t need all this to stick a knife in his heart,”
He snorted. “You think whoever killed your father’s going to stick around while you try to stop him? That’s cute.”
That comment made me angrier. “Well what the hell am I supposed to do? It’s fucking hard and you won’t budge!”
“No swearing Athena,”
“You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my father!”
“You’re damn right that I’m not!” He snapped. “If I was, I’d tan your hide and make you do a hundred situps. But your father is dead. And if you’re so interested in getting revenge for him, you might want to lose that spoilt kid attitude!”
I glared at him in shock. Frederick had found me. three months ago and taken me in. That literally saved my life from the social service workers. They were too damned annoying and felt they had to control my life or be in charge of me. Yet in the past few months I had known Frederick, he hadn’t yelled at me. Not once. Not ever.
I was appalled.
“There’s no need to yell at me,” I sniffed, trying to regain my composure.
“It’s the only weapon I have left in my arsenal Kiddo. I have tried to be gentle, coercive, and supportive. You have remained as unyielding as a brat. Yelling is all I have left.” He said with a shrug and stepped closer staring down at me.
For me, Frederick had been a pillar. Tall, supportive and always there. Even on days when things had looked crazy. Even on days when shit didn’t make sense and all I could see was my dead father. For every trauma, every stroke of madness, he was there. I would always remember what he said to me on that very day. I was sixteen, snot faced and he had yelled at me for the very first time.
“Athena,” He’d called gently and placed his hand on my shoulder. “You do not have to take revenge. It is not a path for the weak. It is not a path for those who do not want to make sacrifices. Your father would want you to love your life, happy and free without all this burden.”
He had given me a chance. Hell, he had given me several chances. Over and over again, through the years. He had told me several times that I could quit, I could leave, I didn’t have to do this. And everytime, every single fucking time, I would tell him I needed to do it. I needed to take revenge. I wanted to take paths that required sacrifices.
“I didn’t realize that I would have to sacrifice you!” I cried. “If I could, If I could have seen the future, years ago, I would never have. I would never have gone down this path Frederick. I would never have chosen anything that would make me lose you!”
My shoulders shook as sobs wracked my body, making me tremble. I would always be sorry. Sorry that I had thought I could handle revenge all on my own. Sorry that I had trusted the enemy and played into his hands. I would always be sorry. And I hated it. I hated it so fucking much.
Frederick smiled, reached a hand to wipe the tears off my face. “Don’t worry so much Kiddo. Now come on, how about you try hitting the board this time and we’ll get ice cream later?”
I sobbed harder as I watched him reach for the board. This was just a memory, replaying before my eyes, a thousand times over and over. Frederick was not here. Frederick was gone.
He raised the board and walked back, holding it up, but this time, his face had grown older, more worry lines marred his face as he stared down at me.
“Careful Athena, you do not want to break this old man’s bones now,” He teased with a grin.
He was always doing that. Finding new ways to torment me. I sobbed harder, walking towards him in quick strides, threw the board aside and hugged him.
“Took you long enough Kiddo,” He whispered. “But you need to let go, Athena. You have to let go.”
When my eyes opened, they were wet with tears slipping from the corners down the sides of my face. Above me was a weird mural painting of the ceiling. A painting of a half naked woman trying to catch a man flying away. I blinked, trying to stop myself from crying, but that was all I could fucking do.
I felt so tired, helpless, stupid as hell. I had no idea where I was and I wasn’t so bothered to find out. So I just laid there, staring at the ceiling, crying my eyes out silently. Somewhere in my subconscious, I could hear the sound of a door being pushed open, but I didn’t move my head to see whoever it was that approached.
I didn’t want to care.
“Cara,”
I blinked as a familiar face came into view. Tousled Dark hair, deep soulful brown eyes that stared at me sadly as I peered down at me.
“You’re awake,” He breathed, leaning closer. His hands stroked my face, catching the tears that slipped down. “Does anywhere hurt? Raven? Talk to me baby. I knew that doctor was a whooping bastard. He probably didn’t do his job right.”
“I am right here Luciano,” A strange voice quipped.
Luciano looked away to glare at the corner of the room where the person who had spoken most likely was.
“Well get up and have a look at her! If you did your work right, she shouldn’t be crying you bastard! Fix this!” He ordered.
“You fix it. I have tended to her wounds for five days. If she’s awake enough to cry, then it means she’s out of danger. You’re fucking welcome.” The person threw back.
“Old man, you do not want to cross me!” Luciano growled, his face leaving my view.
I whimpered in panic, feeling suddenly alone. I couldn’t move my neck yet, and the only person I knew was leaving. I was mildly terrified.
Luciano whipped his head back at me and hunched over. “What’s wrong? What happened? Where does it hurt Raven?”
“E… Everywhere,” I croaked.
“Fuck, I’ll get you water-”
“No,” I whimpered, wishing I could reach out to him. “Please. Don’t leave me too.”
Luciano glanced at the corner where the doctor sat and then back at me. His hands caressed my face again and he nodded.
“I couldn’t if I wanted Cara. And I do not wish to leave you.”