A long silence stretched between us, thick with something unspoken, something fragile.
I was almost convinced he’d pull away. But then…
His hands came up to cover mine, pressing them harder against his skin, as if he needed to feel that I was real. That we were real.
For a fleeting moment, I felt safe, only to have that security dissolve with his next words.
“The files you found in my office…” His voice was calm, too calm, like the deadly quiet before a storm. “They were all about him. Brian Rosewood.”
I stilled in his embrace, my breath caught in my throat. My father. My world tilted and the walls closed in around me. My hands instinctively fell from his face and he let out a low, throaty sound of disappointment before he was leaning down to embed his face into my neck gently nudging the hair away and took a deep breath.
“How-” The question barely formed before it was smothered by his soft kisses on my neck. He was trying to make it less painful for me, I knew. But words… they did indeed cut deep than actions.
“You think I wouldn’t know you sneaked into my office?” My eyes widened and a warm flush tinted my cheeks. “I know everything about you, ptichka. It’s never you without me.”
I wanted to argue, to deny it, but his words settled into my bones like an undeniable truth. I shouldn’t have been shocked, not with him. Of course, he knew. He always knew.
But his next revelation hit harder. “And I’m not the only one who’s been watching you.”
My stomach dropped. The room seemed to tilt again and my pulse raced. “What do you mean?” I whispered feeling like my world was tilting on wrong axis.
He pulled away and leaned closer before his lips brushed against my ear as he spoke. “You’ve been a little bird in a cage, Ptichka. But not all cages are locked by me. There are others-others who want you, others who have been circling you like wolves. I kept them at bay because I own you.”
My head snapped up, my hands trembling as I tried to pull away, but he didn’t let me. His grip tightened and his dark eyes held mine captive.
“You don’t need to understand it all now,” he continued, his voice unyielding. “And you won’t. Not yet.”
“But-”
“No,” he interrupted, the single word cutting through my protest like a blade. “You need to rest, you need to recover. That’s all you need to do right now.”
“You can’t just-”
“I can,” he said as his voice dripped to a dangerous whisper. “And I will. You will listen to me, Ptichka. You will trust me, even when it burns. And when the time comes, I’ll tell you everything. But not now. Not when you look like you’ll break if I breathe wrong.”
His fingers brushed against my jaw, tilting my face toward him. His eyes softened just a fraction, but the intensity in them didn’t waver. “Do you understand?”
I hated how his words wrapped around me, how they made my knees weak even as my heart screamed for answers. “What if I don’t want to wait?”
He leaned in, his lips just a breath away from mine. “Then you’ll have to fight me for the truth, Ptichka. And trust me-you’ll lose.”
The weight of his dominance pressed down on me, suffocating and maddening. But beneath it all, I felt the tether between us tighten. A thread of something unspoken, a bond that defied logic and reason.
He pulled back and the corner of his lips curling into something dark, something almost smug. “Rest now, little bird. The world will still be waiting to destroy us when you wake.”
I shook my head, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Don’t push me away, Judas. Don’t. I don’t know how I’ll survive this.” My voice broke, and so did I.
Before I could stop myself, I grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer until my face was buried in his chest. His scent-smoke, leather, and something darker, something uniquely him-engulfed me. I cried into him, my body trembling with a desperation I couldn’t hide anymore. “I don’t know how to do this. Not without you.”
For a moment, he didn’t move, his body rigid under my touch. Then, he exhaled, a shaky, ragged breath that warmed my hair, and I felt his walls crumble. His arms came around me, holding me so tightly it hurt, but I didn’t care.
“Ptichka,” he whispered, his voice thick with something I couldn’t name. Anger? Fear? Love? It didn’t matter because then his lips found mine.
It wasn’t gentle-it was fire and ruin, a collision of pain and need. He kissed me like I was the only thing tethering him to this world, like breathing me in was the only way he could survive. His fingers tangled in my hair, and I felt his desperation in every move and every brush of his lips.
When he pulled back, his forehead rested against mine, his breaths heavy and uneven. His hand slid to my face, his touch so gentle it made my chest ache. His thumb traced the jagged line of the scar Lucius left, and I flinched, suddenly aware of it. The sharp memory of the blade biting into my skin made my stomach churn, and I pulled away, panic clawing at my chest.
“Don’t,” I whispered with a tremble. “Don’t look at me.”
“Ptichka,” he growled. He didn’t let me pull away, his hand still on my cheek, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare hide from me.”
“But the scar-”
“You think that fucking matters? You think this-” he ran his thumb over the mark again, “-changes anything? You could be burned, scarred, ripped apart, and you’d still be mine. Do you understand me? You’ll always be my little bird. You’ll always be beautiful to me.”
I stared at him, my heart breaking and mending all at once. His voice softened, but the fire in his eyes didn’t. “Even when you’re old, even when the world has taken every ounce of beauty from you, you’ll still be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”
A sob broke from me, and I leaned into his touch, my hands clutching his wrists as if letting go would shatter me. “Judas…”
“I swear to God, Sera,” he whispered, his voice trembling with restraint, “you undo me. Every time I try to stay in control, you tear it all apart. You make me believe into every god is out there. You’re my fucking salvation and I don’t know how to survive you without losing myself in the process.”
“Then stop trying,” I said and pulled him closer, feeling his breath hitch against my lips. “Stop hiding from me. Stop lying. Just tell me the truth, Judas. I need it. I need you.”
He groaned, his forehead pressing harder against mine. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, Ptichka.”
“Yes, I do.” My voice was stronger now, more certain. “And you’re going to tell me everything.”
His grip tightened on me, his hands trembling slightly. “And what will you give me, huh? What will you give me in return, Ptichka?”
Everything, I thought. But I didn’t say it. Instead, I tilted my head, brushing my lips against his ear, my voice a whisper. “Whatever it takes.”
He cursed under his breath, the tension between us snapping like a wire pulled too tight. For a moment, I thought he might break and tell me. I could feel the truth trembling on his tongue, the war raging inside him.
But instead, he pulled me closer, his lips ghosting over mine. “Careful, Ptichka. You’re playing with fire. And if I lose control, I might just burn us both to the ground.”
Then burn me, I thought. Burn me alive if it means I’ll finally know the truth.
“Then tell me the truth, please,” Judas groaned in my hands and for a second he contemplated.
“He never died, Sera,” he ran his hand through his hair. “He’s been watching you since you set foot in Russia.”
I shook my head, a sharp laugh escaping me that sounded more like disbelief than humor. “No. That’s impossible. He died in that accident. I sawhis body. I saw the-”
He cut me off. “No, you didn’t.”
I froze, my breath catching in my chest. He leaned forward, his eyes piercing mine like daggers. “What you saw was staged, Ptichka. A perfectly orchestrated lie. Your father didn’t die. He survived. And ever since, he’s been following you, stalking you like prey.”
“No,” I murmured, shaking my head. But even as I denied it, fragments of memory flashed through my mind. The chills that would crawl up my spine when I walked home alone. The feeling of being watched late at night in my dorm room. The shadow I once saw just outside my window and convinced myself was a trick of the light.
Judas’s voice pulled me back. “The first time I saw him was outside your dorm,” he said, his tone flat, but his jaw tightened. “I was passing by, and he was just… standing there. Watching.”
“That’s a lie,” I said immediately, my eyes narrowing. I knew him too well. Judas wasn’t just “passing by.” He was a liar and a stalker himself. But before I could call him out, he continued.
“There were times when I didn’t think much of it. But then I saw the pattern. The same places you’d go. The same times. He was there. Always there. And he left breadcrumbs, Sera. Just enough for me to piece it together. ”
My chest tightened as I thought of every moment that felt like a coincidence.
“And you’re telling me this now?” I asked, my voice breaking. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
He met my eyes, and I hated the calm, calculated way he looked at me, like he was weighing every word before speaking. “Because I needed proof,” he said. “Because your father isn’t just some man in the shadows. He’s dangerous. And he isn’t the same man you remember. He has…” Judas hesitated, the first sign of uncertainty I’d ever seen from him. “He has dissociative identity disorder, little bird. He’s two people in one body. One of them still loves you, still thinks you’re his little girl. But the other…” His voice darkened, filled with venom. “The other thinks you belong to him.”
I swallowed hard, my throat dry as the words sank in. “What are you talking about? My father-he wouldn’t…”
“I’m not lying to you,” Judas said, cutting me off. He reached into his coat pocket pulled out his phone, typed something and handed it to me. “Read it. See for yourself.”
My hands trembled as I opened the folder. Photographs spilt out-of me, taken without my knowledge. Letters with my name scrawled across them in handwriting I recognized all too well. Bank statements, flight records, all leading back to one man. My father. Kitten.
“No,” I whispered. “This… this can’t be real.”
“It is,” Judas said, his voice firm. “And it’s why I’ve been watching you. Protecting you. Russia wasn’t safe for you…”
I couldn’t hear the rest. My mind was spinning. I remembered the texts I’d received over the past few weeks-anonymous, cryptic messages that sent chills through me.
“Did you send me the messages?” I asked, my voice trembling.
Judas frowned. “What messages?”
My stomach dropped. I couldn’t stop the panic rising in my chest. “The texts. Threatening me.”
He shook his head slowly. “No, ptichka. I didn’t send those.”
“Then… then they were from him?” My voice broke, and I looked at him, desperate for an answer.
Judas exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. “Ptichka, listen to me. I hacked your phone. That’s how I knew you were being watched. But those messages… they weren’t from me.”
“You hacked my phone?”
His lips curled into something between a smirk and a grimace. “I knew everything about you the moment you stepped into this city, little bird. I had to. If I didn’t, you’d already be gone. Do you understand that?”
I shook my head, tears blurring my vision. “I don’t understand anything anymore. I don’t know who to trust, what to believe.”
Judas leaned closer, his grip on my arm firm but not painful. “You trust me, Ptichka. That’s all you need to do. I’ll tell you everything-everything you need to know. But trust me, your father is still alive and somewhere out there.”