SYDNEY WATCHED THE waves form and crash. Her heart was colder than the snow falling, tighter than the pressure from the oxygenless point of the sea. Her heart wanted to split and burst.
She had just wanted to look at the sea with a smile on her face and no care in the world before Gavin called.
She wondered why she answered his call so quickly. There was something wrong somewhere, she felt it. It was like he was going to be wiped out of existence if she didn’t take his call.
She had a dream the previous night. Gavin was sitting on a wooden bench in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mists. A phone was held to his ear. He was shaking. Saying something about Ethan. Then the phone dropped and so did his body. The mist turned red.
Sydney was breathing a little too hard when she asked him how their kids were. He noticed it.
” You are breathing uneasily, what’s wrong?” He sounded so genuine it made her stomach churn.
She wanted to tell him. ” Nothing.” But she couldn’t.
Gavin sighed, ” They are asleep now, it’s been a long day.”
She leaned on the bathroom wall. ” How?”
He was glad she wanted to hear how the day went. ” I took them Christmas shopping, we hanged the dingies on the Christmas tree, Ethan had me friend-seeking.”
” Friend-seeking?”
” Yes, he bought a present for a girl he said came to our Church once. He said her Daddy was praying really hard one Sunday. I remember him, he’s Freeman. He was praying for his wife. ” There was a bit of unease in his tone.
” The man whose daughter has cancer? The one who fell from grace to grass.”
Gavin wanted to protest. He wasn’t sure Freeman ever had grace
” Yes. But, I found out his wife died last week.” His tongue was a taste of lime. ” He left the city the same day. I don’t know the country he went to. No one does. ” Because he’s running from someone.
Sydney could hear him swallowing. ” Have you told Ethan?”
” Yes, a half-baked truth. He seems to like the girl so I don’t want to hurt him.”
” Oh.”
Silence. Four seconds. Five. Eleven.
” My parents are coming for Christmas tomorrow,” Gavin announced.
Sydney didn’t know if he was hearing her heartbeat over the phone.
” What? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
” I didn’t know till this evening. They said they wanted to surprise me.”
” Let me guess, Avery would be there too.”
Gavin’s mother hated Sydney more than she liked Avery. Avery’s mother used to be her high school best friend, and when she died, Gavin’s mother blamed Sydney for her death. She was against their marriage and told Gavin she’d cut off ties with him if he married her. Gavin gave her a curt response that made her ears ache permanently.
He sighed. ” If I could stop her from coming I would.”
Sydney shut her eyes and went quiet for a long time. ” Don’t. She’s carrying your child; she has a part of you, and she deserves to be there for the feast. ”
” Sweetheart-”
” I’ll take whatever insult your mother brings my way. I’m sure it wouldn’t be as bad as what I’ve heard you say. ”
” I-”
” She’d say I was a bad wife that’s why you left me. She’ll give me three thousand reasons why I’m a bad wife, mother, daughter-”
” I won’t let her. ”
” She has your eyes. I can read everything she wants to say without her speaking. ”
They didn’t say a word to each other again, nor did they end the call.
Gavin broke through the silence a little bit too lethally, ” Do you still love me?”
His question took all the oxygen from Sydney’s lungs. Replaced it with poison. ” No… I don’t love you.”
” I’m happy you still do.”
” I said I don’t Gavin, I don’t love you. I hate you!” Her voice was high and filled with suffering.
The next thing he said nearly knocked her off her socks. ” I love you, I still do and my life is meaningless without you in it.”
” Sydney?”
Gabriel walked into the deck. He stayed by Sydney’s side, a small smile grazed his beautiful face.
Sydney blinked her tears away. She couldn’t muster the courage to look at him.
” I know he called you.”
” Why were you eavesdropping?” She was afraid to hurt him. What if he’d heard the I still do in her voice when she told Gavin she didn’t love him?
” I didn’t eavesdrop; you were a tad too loud; plus, this yacht isn’t big enough, and it’s cold. Sounds are more loud when it’s cold.”
His hand was on her back before she could say a word. He was rubbing her back and guilt was slapping her in the face.
” How about some liquid courage to brighten up the mood since dinner was ruined?” He wasn’t looking at her. He wasn’t smiling either.
” I thought you didn’t like it when I drank?”
” I’ll let you get tipsy, not drunk. Wait for me.”
Her heart sunk into her chest as she watched him go back in. She played with the heart-shaped diamond on the necklace; it was still beating.
Gabriel returned with a bottle of white wine and two shot glasses. He poured the wine into the glasses and handed one to her.
They watched a sequin summersault as they drank.
Sydney glanced at Gabriel. ” I thought you don’t like drinking.”
” I don’t.”
” Why?”
His eyes finally locked with hers. Hard and dominating. She had to look away before her eyeballs broke. ” It makes me horny.”
Blink. Blink. Sydney turned red. She laughed nervously. ” Me too.”
His eyes didn’t shift from hers.
Her eyes widened slightly when she heard faint sounds of pleasure coming from the cabinet. She took another shot nervously. Gil and Sofia are insane. She thought.
Gabriel took a step closer to her. Two. She almost took five back. His hand wrapped around her waist making her gasp.
” I want us to be more than friends.” His voice was a mirror to her dilapitating heart. ” What do I have to do to make you love me?”
Their heartbeat was the Titanic crashing into a burg.
He saw her fear. Her hesitation. He saw what could never have no matter how much he tried. He’d given Avery a go-ahead, and his mind couldn’t stop beating him up. Something was telling him he was going to destroy her if he didn’t back out. If he doesn’t get his heart to stop beating for her.
” Give me a chance, please. I’ll make it worthwhile. I’ll never shatter your heart. I’ll give you everything you desire. I’ll love you without fault. I’ll be the perfect man for you. I’ll show the world how amazing you are, just let me into your heart.”
He held the back of her neck. His eyes were a million dreams of sincerity.
He kissed her forehead. ” I like you; I like you a lot.” Her right cheek. ” I’m in love with you.” Her left cheek. ” I covet you. ” He slipped his fingers in between hers and kissed her lips. ” I’m obsessed with you.”
He cupped her cheek. She leaned into his hand once again, telling him he was nothing more than a friend who made her legs hot, and when he touched her, she became cold all over again.
” Love me.”
Sydney’s eyes were the softest pillows. ” I want to, but I can’t. Give me some time.”
She didn’t look like she’d heal in a million years.
” Okay. ”
She was a bird in the air when she had more alcohol in her system. Gabriel watched her as she talked and laughed non-stop about movies she’d watched when she was growing up.
” I wish my life was a movie. If it was, whoever wrote my story deserves hell.” She remarked and laughed like she said nonsense.
Gabriel took her to bed when she dropped into his arms. He stayed by the deck and envisioned how she’d fall in love with Gavin all over again when she would see him on Christmas.
Gabriel felt like a thousand impossible wishes.