Ava
My phone buzzes in my pants as soon as I step out of my art history test on Wednesday. I reach for it, my pulse thrumming when I see the unknown number flashing across the screen.
I hesitate for only a second before answering, my hand fisting the phone tightly.
“Hello?”
“How are you, Ava?”
That voice. I knew that voice. I grew up with that voice.
“Aaron?”
“The one and only”
It’s meant to come off as playful but there’s a restrained edge to it. He sounds tired somehow and nothing like the boy I grew up with.
Whereas that voice was lighter and always playful, this voice sounded older, wearier-like life had taken its toll on him in ways I would never understand.
Why was he calling me? Now of all times. He abandoned me and now he’s calling me like everything is just peachy between us when it’s not. He knows it’s not.
I open my mouth to tell him he’s an asshole for ignoring me for months and then trying to joke it off like nothing happened, but before I can string the words together, someone bumps into me, nearly knocking my phone from my hand.
“Watch it!” I snap, gripping my device before it can hit the ground.
The guy barely glances back, muttering a half-hearted apology as he disappears into the stream of students heading for the exit.
Asshole.
Obviously, standing in the middle of a hallway isn’t an appropriate place to be making a phone call, and I instantly feel bad for snapping at the poor guy.
I search for a more obscure spot to continue my phone call and decide that the bathroom will have to do since every other place is either crowded by students or practically open, anyone can see me yelling into my phone.
I can’t have that now, can I?
I push open the door to the women’s restroom, and thankfully it’s empty. I do one round of stall checks to make sure that I’m completely alone and when I’m satisfied with the utter emptiness that is the bathroom stalls, I release a breath, sink back against the cool tiled walls and open my mouth.
“Look who finally decided to call”
There’s silence on the other end, the kind that stretches out for way too long, making me fidget with the sleeve of my sweater. This feels ridiculous. He’s my brother, he has his own life, I shouldn’t be mad. But I am.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I wait for him to respond.
“I-” He stops, exhaling slowly, then starts up again “, I wanted to call you earlier. I swear. But things haven’t been easy on me. It’s been complicated.” he sounds like he means it, but I’m far too angry to sympathise with him.
“So what? I’m just supposed to forgive you? Things haven’t been easy on me either Aaron. I’ve had to navigate becoming someone’s wife while our idiot father decided to go AWOL. And yet I still managed to reach out to you. I texted you and respected your wishes when you didn’t want to call but then I heard from Cara that you had no problem calling her.” I’m raving now, and my heart is beating so wildly in my chest, but I don’t take a second to breathe in the air my lungs are begging me to take. “Would it have killed you to extend the same courtesy to me? I’m your sister, for Christ’s sake. Your family. If there’s anybody you should be reaching out to talk to about me it’s me.”
“I know.” He exhales into the phone. His voice is rough, almost pleading. “And I’m sorry. I thought…” he stops himself before he can finish.
“Thought what?” But he doesn’t continue. Instead, he lets out a rough breath and changes the subject.
Classic Aaron.
“Nothing. Look, I’m sorry, Ava, for not reaching out, and you have every right to be as mad as you want at me, but you have to understand that I didn’t mean for it to last this long. I thought that by now, I would’ve had everything sorted out, but I guess I was wrong.”
He lets out another sigh, and I can already picture him running a hand through his hair, the same way he used to when we were kids
“You should’ve reached out,” I tell him, “After everything that Dad did to me, I could’ve really used your support.”
“I know. I just… I had to take care of somethings.”
“What was it?”
What was so important that you abandoned me for weeks? What was it that made you forget about me?
I swallow hard, running my fingers through my hair. My emotions war between anger and the familiar ache gnawing at my chest. He was hiding something, something he didn’t want me to know. I could tell by the puff of breath leaving him and rushing into the line.
“Where are you, Aaron?”
A pause and then… “I’m in Chicago”
He’s here?
“How long?” How long have you been here? How long have you been back? And how long did you keep it away from me?
Another pause.
“How long Aaron?”
A rough sigh, “Six weeks”
I swallow the gasp that threatens to leave my throat and clench my jaw. He’s been in Chicago for six weeks and not once did he bother to reach out to me. Not even a voicemail.
“Ava, I know you think I abandoned you, but I promise you, I stayed away for your own good.”
I scoff, shaking my head even though he can’t see me. “Right. Of course, you did.”
“Ava-”
“No,” I cut him off, my voice sharper than I intended. “You don’t get to act like that. Like you abandoned me for my own good because you didn’t. I needed you, Aaron. I needed my brother, and you weren’t there.”
He lets out a regretful sigh but I don’t care. Regret doesn’t change the past. It doesn’t erase it.
“I know you might hate me right now but if you just give me a chance, I promise you I can explain everything. Just please -”
He swallows.
“Look, the reason I called you is because I needed to talk to you.”
“Well congratulations, you’re talking to me”
After many, many weeks of probably deciding if I’m worth talking to or not.
“In person Ava. I need to talk to you in person.”
Oh. Well, in that case, I should probably hang up on him so that he can see what it feels like to be ignored, but unsurprisingly, I don’t, because as much as I hate to admit and I really, really hate it. I’ve missed my brother.
“I understand if you don’t want to…”
“Where?” I cut him off, my voice giving away none of the turmoil inside me.
“I can’t tell you on the phone,” he says after a moment, “I’ll text you an address. Come alone. I don’t want that Bodyguard of yours to be with you when you come. It’s safer that way.”
Bodyguard? Does he mean Ben?
“How do you even…”
“Just because you thought I abandoned you, Ava doesn’t mean I did. I’ve always been there, I just made sure you couldn’t see me.”
I bite down on my bottom lip. Did he mean that he was always lurking around, watching me? If that was true then why didn’t he approach me? Why did he limit our conversations to text alone and why was he acting strange?
Ughhh.
All this speculating is starting to make my head hurt.
“Ava? Are you still there?” It’s only then I realize that he’s been talking and I haven’t responded to a word he’s saying at all.
“Of course I am.”
“Good,” he says, relief evident in his voice. “I’ll send you the address in a few minutes.”
I nod even though I know he can’t see me, “Fine, I’ll be waiting,”
“Oh and Ava?”
“Yes?”
“I really am sorry,”
The call ends.
I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the blank screen.
He’s sorry…
I try to call his line again but it doesn’t go through.