Luka
As soon as we got back from Brazil, I had to throw myself into my work to make sure we were able to cover the ground necessary to make back what we lost. It was more stressful than any other raid we’ve had, and given the nature of the game, there have been more than I can remember ranging from small thefts to devastating losses.
Taking Anna to the doctor was the most time we’ve spent together since we got back, and while I regret not being able to take care of her while she’s sick, it seems she might be upset with me in a way I hadn’t anticipated.
It’s been about six days since we came home, and since then, she’s been nothing but distant towards me, completely ambivalent to my presence or lack thereof. When I do encounter her, she’s standoffish and a little rude, which is unlike the Anna I’ve come to know so intimately these past few months.
I’d be more shocked than anything to find out that she’s angry at me for not being present enough for her while she’s sick. While she doesn’t appear to be getting better necessarily, she’s always carried herself with this air of independence that I’ve never observed in any of my past girlfriends.
The women I’ve dated in the past were some of the most helpless creatures I’ve ever met in my life. Of course, it’s been made obvious to me that I have an unfortunate magnetism that draws needy, spoiled women to me, but when any of them got sick with anything, I was expected to stop the world from spinning on its axis to make sure that they had absolutely everything they could possibly need to overcome their sinus infection or period cramps. It was exhausting.
Anna is completely different. She won’t even let me wash her dishes after dinner, almost getting visibly angry with me if I try to do so without her express permission. She never complains about anything, even things that would send my previous girlfriends into a manic rage. Honestly, I find that aspect of her to be so fascinating.
I’d spend more time deliberating Anna’s strange behavior if I had the mental bandwidth.
Given the shitty timing of the raid and the growing tension between territories, I need to focus all of my attention on making sure that we handle this with as much tact and control as possible. So far, we haven’t figured out how to do that, and it’s been stressing me to my limit. We lost hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of product in that raid, and if we refuse to retaliate, Damien will know that we’re not prepared to handle another strike.
And so another will come, and we’ll lose everything.
Pavel and Leo have been coming around a lot, and today Pavel is particularly anxious about meeting with me in person, no phones. I’m not sure whether or not this should stress me out more, so as a result, I pace furiously around the house until he arrives.
“Okay, I don’t want to fuck around. What is it?” I blurt as soon as he’s come through the door.
“Relax, can I at least take my shoes off first? Jesus,” he replies, and his calm, unbothered tone puts me at ease somewhat.
“Yeah, fine, but you know how much it irritates me when you’re intentionally vague,” I reply, sweeping his shoes into the corner with my foot before we head into my home office.
“Well, the information is highly confidential, so I didn’t want to run the risk of the wrong person hearing,” he says as we both sit down.
“So what is it then? Should we wait for Leo?” I ask, but I honestly don’t give a fuck if Leo is here. I can relay whatever information he needs. If the information is so urgent, I refuse to wait for him.
“We don’t have to wait,” Pavel assures me. “I guess I’ll let you decide how urgently he needs to know.”
I nod. “Go on.”
“We located Damien’s main home, the one where his family and assets live. If we can plan a counter-attack, we could probably use his family as a bargaining chip for him to give up Dmitri and the shit he stole,” he explains, a strange, somewhat deranged light glowing in his eyes as he speaks.
At first, the concept is perfect. It’s an eye for an eye with far more investment on Damien’s end. I know he has a wife and two daughters, at least.
But when I try to picture how such an attack would play out, all I can think about is the fear in Rachel and Anna’s eyes as Alexei threatened them. Their faces are the only ones I can bring to mind in place of those of Damien’s family, and I’m immediately haunted by the thought.
“Fuck,” I mutter, more to myself than to Pavel. “What do you think?” he asks expectantly.
“I’m not sure yet,” I reply.
Pavel’s expression grows confused and worried. “I figured you would be all over this shit, like, deploying men today or at least making some kind of plan,” he says, his tone expressing irritation with my refusal to immediately regurgitate an action plan.
“Yeah, it’s just that… fuck, maybe we should just wait for Leo to get here,” I say, the distaste for my brother’s sudden importance washing over my tongue.
“Is there an issue?” Pavel asks, and I can tell that he’s agitated that this information hasn’t won him some form of favor with me. It’s valuable, of course, but I can’t help the feeling that Damien would come for my family if we made the wrong move.
I try to imagine the fear that Damien’s daughters would experience, likely fucked up for life with no chance to overcome their trauma or get better at all. Would I want to do that to them? They probably don’t even know what their father does for work. All they do is exist in their own little bubble of opulence and luxury. What kind of person would willingly break them from that place, a place where they truly feel safe and happy?
I can’t do it.
“Actually, fuck Leo. We’re not doing this,” I reply, sitting up straight and grabbing a cigar from the box on my desk.
Pavel’s jaw drops. “Why not? This could get you back double what they stole from us,” he replies angrily.
I light my cigar, puffing it furiously. “I just can’t. I can’t involve Damien’s family in something they aren’t a part of, and likely know nothing about. This is Damien’s issue, and we’ll keep it that way,” I say.
“I’m assuming you have a plan b, right? We’re going to kidnap Damien and twist his balls off or something,” Pavel says, trying to maintain the excitement he had just moments ago.
“We’ll figure something out,” I reply, blowing a smoke ring toward him.
He sighs heavily. “Fine, but we need you to be here for this right now. You’ve been so hard to get through to lately, and it’s got me on edge all the time,” he says. “Your brother is fine and all, but we need you.”
“You know the reason for that. Pulling us back from a raid like that hasn’t been easy, but I’m prepared to move forward and push back against this insanity,” I reply confidently. “We’ll get Damien and Dmitri in due time. Just be patient.”
He shrugs and gets up from his seat, pulling a cigarette from his pocket. “I trust you on this, but Leo is probably going to take more convincing.”
I laugh. “That motherfucker is under my employment. He doesn’t need convincing. He needs to follow orders.”
Pavel nods, likely feeling mixed emotions as he steps out of my office.
I’m left to consider my own motives in denying him his sweet revenge. What’s going on with me? Years ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated at the idea of scaring the shit out of one of my enemies like that. Even if I had no intention to kill their family, it still would have been on the table to use them however I saw fit to gain what I wanted.
Now, all I can think about is Anna and Rachel. Not only do their terrified faces have a permanent stain on my subconscious, but the potential to put them in danger as well is too high. I might be above attacking Damien’s family, but I know he isn’t above doing the same to mine, and I’ll die before I let that happen.
Is this what being in love feels like?