Ava.
“Are you going to the studio?” Nikolai asks me once I sling my backpack over my shoulder.
I’m now fully dressed and trying to ignore the lingering heat on my skin from what happened barely thirty minutes ago between us.
After running me a bath, Nikolai asked to join me to which I declined with a firm no. When he realised there was no shaking my conviction, he reluctantly left the bathroom with a small pout, eventually giving me the space I required to clean up.
After my bath, he hopped into the bathroom while I got dressed. Since it was a Saturday, I didn’t have any classes today, but the deadline for my art project was drawing fast, and I was still a thousand steps away from starting it, not to talk of finishing it.
I had to be having some type of artistic block. I mean, what else would you call me just staring at my canvas for three solid hours before deciding that the line I sketched wasn’t straight enough and redoing the whole thing.
I’ve been going to the studio every day during my free time to see if I can meet up, but so far, it’s been… hard, to say the least. Nothing is working. Not even my usual technique of splashing some paint on a blank canvas before I officially started painting. I was honestly becoming more frustrated by the day.
Nikola leans against the dresser, arms crossed over his damp chest, watching me with a look I can’t decipher. Actually, I don’t decipher it because I’m too busy trailing the water droplet rolling down his abs.
“I’ll take you,” he says, and I immediately shake my head.
“No, you’re still healing.”
Even though Nikolai acts like he’s fine now, it doesn’t mean he should go around ignoring his injuries. There’s a possibility he could strain himself or worse. I didn’t want that to happen especially because of me. Plus, it wouldn’t be a very caregiver thing for me to do now, would it?
His lips pull in an amused smirk, one that tells me he finds my concern more than a little unnecessary “I’m fine, Solnyshko.” he tells me, “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Of course, I do” I immediately snap my lips shut the moment the words leave my lips and inwardly cringe.
Why did I say that?
That wasn’t supposed to come out. But now that it has, the insufferable smug smirk twisting at Nikolai’s lips tells me that he’s probably never going to let me live it down.
He steps towards me, diminishing the gap between us into a few centimetres.
“You do?” his lips twitch, allowing me a glimpse of his dimples, which surprisingly only make an appearance whenever he’s really happy or when he’s teasing me. In this case, it’s the latter.
I clear my throat and adjust the weight of my bag. I can still save myself from this. “Someone has to. I mean, clearly, you can’t take care of yourself.”
“If I remember correctly Solnyshko, and I do, I don’t recall delegating the role of my personal caregiver to you”
“You didn’t have to,” I say, “it’s obvious no one else will take the role and Kira’s just a child. Consider it an act of service to the community”
Nikolai laughs then, the sound low and warm, making my stomach feel all kinds of way. I like it when he laughs like that, head slightly thrown back with his eyes crinkling at the corners, it almost makes him look… normal.
“An act of service, huh?” He steps even closer, and I instinctively take a step back. His damp skin radiates warmth, and the scent of his soap lingers between us, fresh and clean with a hint of cinnamon. He places one of his hands on my waist, the warmth from his fingers seeping into my skin through the material of my dress. He pulls me towards him, lips curving into a dimpled smile and I’m suddenly aware of all the places we weren’t touching.
When he touched me this morning and I touched him, it felt amazing. Seeing him come undone by my doing had been a massive boost to my ego, and I never wanted the high to wane.
The thing is though, it has. My mind is one hundred percent mine again and now I wasn’t sure if I should be feeling this way. Sure there was nothing wrong with me feeling like this. There was nothing wrong with me wanting my husband except for the fact that I didn’t feel like there was nothing right about it either.
I sway towards him, catching myself the moment my boobs brush against his chest. The peaks instantly harden.
Fucking hell.
“I can think of plenty of other ways you could be serving the community” his gaze drops to my lips, and an overwhelming need to connect our lips overcomes me with such a force that I almost do it. Almost.
It’s been like this since he came back. This need to be near him, to have him touch me. It’s clear to me that my desire for him has grown remarkably so, and I don’t think it’s just in the physical department either.
I move closer to him in my sleep because I crave his warmth. I sometimes find myself watching him longer than what most people would consider necessary, and when I’m not with him, I want to be near him. I want to know him in ways that go beyond surface level and that scares me not because I don’t think he might share the same sentiment, I know he does, he made that abundantly clear during our date, but because I still don’t know how to let him in without feeling like I’m betraying a part of myself.
His eyes darken, and when he starts to lean in to close the distance between our lips, I turn my head, causing his lips to land just millimetres away from his perceived target.
He pulls back slowly, gaze searching and brows firmly knitted together.
“What’s wrong?” He asks softly. It’s clear he’s sensed the shift in my mood and isn’t quite sure why it’s happening.
I shake my head, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back softly. The force I use isn’t strong enough to move him, but it does so anyway.
“It’s nothing,” I say, the lie rolling off my tongue smoothly. “I just really need to get going”
He tilts his head to the side, studying me, his expression one of scepticism.
“Okay then, let me just get changed, and I can drop yo…”
“No,” I say much too quickly, cutting him off mid-sentence, “That won’t be necessary. I’m sure Ben wouldn’t mind dropping me off instead”
It was a Saturday and his day off, but I’m pretty sure that if I asked him, Ben wouldn’t mind dropping me off at school. Besides anything would be better than being trapped in the same car with Nikolai and having to confront my feelings for him.
Anything.
“Besides you need to rest.” And I need to figure out how to kill my growing feelings for you.
He opens his mouth to object, but I’m already dashing past him and out the door.