When I was in my room, I’d hear him talking, laughing and bantering with mum and, I’ll admit, I felt a certain amount of envy, no jealousy, that he could be so happy with her, so natural, while I still didn’t really exist, but also that she’d suddenly decided to take him away from me, overwhelm him with all this care and attention.
He, of course, lapped it up; it had been missing from his life for so long that he was revelling in it, and I didn’t blame him one little bit; I just wished I could have had some too…
When I was sixteen, the Morrison’s held a birthday party for Nia and I, as we were only a week apart, and I for sure wasn’t going to get one at home, and I was struck again by how much was really wrong with our family, but I also knew that we were unfixable now, and that as soon as I could, I’d go, get out of there and find a life somewhere else, because the travesty we had was a slow-burning fuse, and one day it would blow apart again, and I’d likely be back in the A & E. Mum had seen Mark and I interacting a few times, and she’d expressed to him several times that he should talk to me about leaving soon, that I should go because I had no place there once I’d finished school. This worried Mark, he could see the resentment building again, and tried to defuse it, but I really had nowhere to go, no relatives that I knew of, and Nia’s family was a refuge, not a living option.
I finished school six months after my sixteenth birthday, right after taking my GCSE examinations, and, to my surprise, found a job with a small fashion wholesaler in Bloomsbury, as a Trainee Buyer. As luck would have it, Mark worked just around the corner from my office, so he’d come and have lunch with me, wait for me and come home together with me, and generally became more like a best friend than a big brother. Some of the other girls, and women, in the office were intrigued by the mysterious tall blonde looker taking me to lunch all the time, and tried to find out more about him. Something perverse in me made me tell them that we lived together, while somehow completely omitting the fact that he was my big brother!
As time wore on, I became almost obsessed with Mark; I would spend my unoccupied time daydreaming about him, images of his smile, his lovely eyes, that characteristic head flick he’d give to clear the fringe of hair out of his eyes, especially since one of the girls in the office had seen him do it and declared it was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen…
I was confused as to why I kept thinking about him, but I was also aware that Charlotte Pryce’s question was now whispering at me again: “Are you really telling me you never noticed him, or even thought about giving him a snog, just to see?”
At night, I’d dream turgid, overblown, romantic dreams about him, all cinematic and cutesy, and wake up to ask myself, “What the hell are you doing, he’s your brother, got it? Get a grip!”
Eventually, I ended-up admitting to myself that the thing I’d been telling myself for months was a fact; I fancied him, and I seriously wanted a taste. It had only taken two years, two years of meeting him for lunch, laughing over coffees in the office, passing him off as someone I lived with and hinting that our relationship was something other than what it really was, before I could admit to myself what I wanted, now I had to try and see if there really could be something there, or if it was just an eighteen year-old’s fevered fantasy, and he’d just give me the brush-off. I had to admit there was a big chance he’d do just that; he was nearly three years older than me, 21 now, a grown man, really, not a teenage boy anymore, and his type was more Nia than me; tall, willowy, brunette, gorgeous eyes, exotic. He’d even made a tentative pass at her once, and got the brush-off in no uncertain manner; there was only one type for Nia, and Jamie was it.
He’d be having lunch with me today, I’d see then whether I could make this happen, or if this was never going to be.
He stopped by at 12:30, popping his head into my little hutch of an office, winked at me and said
“Come on Tink, I’m hungry, fancy Chinese? I found a new place, cheap but good. Come on Shortie, time’s a-wastin’!”
I grabbed my coat, and slid my arm through his as he piloted me out of the office, past more than one set of fluttering eyelashes, my ego soaring as I thought, ‘This babe’s with me, Ha!’
We had a good lunch, Mark telling me of the antics of the other trainees in the brokerage house he worked at, training to be a Securities Trader. I was still laughing when he walked me back into my office, again past all the fluttering eyelashes, and, as I turned to go into my own little office, I turned to him, hugged him, and as he looked at me, I planted a big kiss right on his parted lips, licking his tongue for good measure as I slid my hand round the back of his head to hold him against me. What he did next would dictate my next move; what I didn’t expect was for him to pull me closer, and kiss me back, sliding his tongue against mine as he kissed me tenderly but firmly, his hand sliding inside my coat and cupping my bum, gently squeezing the cheek as his tongue worked against mine. My heart was hammering when he finally let me go.
“If you only knew how long I’ve been waiting to do that!” he whispered, then pulled me close for another, shorter, but no less heartfelt kiss, before letting go of me, leaving me slightly glassy-eyed.
“See you tonight, same time, and I want another of those!” he murmured, before walking off, all the girls in the office staring at him lustfully.
I stumbled back into my office, threw off my coat, and flopped down into my chair, head spinning, my mind full of that kiss, his eyes, and the feel of his lips against mine.
I looked up to see a whole row of heads peering in my door, varying expressions of awe and envy on their faces.
Doreen, the youngest of the Junior Buyers spoke up first.
“Wow, Jules! That was the most porno kiss I have ever seen! You been keeping him on short rations, or something? ‘Cos it looks like the famine’s over!”
The other girls giggled.
Another one spoke up.
“If my man kissed me like that, you’d have to change my name to Bow-Legged Sally! That was so fucking HOT!”
I was blushing scarlet, but it was true, it was so fucking hot!
Doreen spoke up again.
“So, Jules, should we expect you in tomorrow, then, or will you be ahem ‘not feeling too well’?” she asked, innocently, eyes dancing.
I had to grin. “I’ll be in, but if you’re looking for a blow-by-blow, forget it!”
Doreen grinned. “So there will be blowing then, oooh, who’s gonna be a lucky, lucky boy then!”
I burst out laughing. “Out you lot, haven’t you got men of your own to molest?”
Back came Doreen, quick as a flash. “Not like that, I haven’t, you lucky, jammy cow!”
I laughed again. “Out!”
I spent the rest of the day in a haze of arousal, unable to concentrate on my work as the memory of his hands on me as his lips were on mine kept intruding and distracting me. The clock hands slowly crept around, each minute seemed a thousand years long, and every time I looked out of my office, a whole row of interested heads popped up, every single one of them knowing or guessing what I was going through.
Eventually I managed to find something absorbing enough to keep me focussed, and it was only the sound of people stirring around in the main office that distracted me enough to check the time. 5:30, time for him to appear, and sure enough, he peeked through the main door, and immediately a chorus of calls rose from the girls.
“Oh, yoo-hoo, Jules, someone here for you!” they all called and hooted, making me blush scarlet, and I grabbed my coat and purse, tried to hustle Mark out of there, but he insisted on kissing me, another long, deep, toe-curlingly hot kiss, the noise in the office dying down as they all stared hungrily at him.
When I came up for air, someone started clapping, and then they all did, and hooting, and someone (Doreen, probably!) going ‘whoo-whoo-whoo’. I didn’t know where to put my face, flushing scarlet as I tugged him out of there.
We were silent all the way home, although he held my hand instead of just letting me hold his arm, and his finger toyed with my hair on the train, and when we got off the train at Clapham Junction, he put his arm around me and held me close while we waited for the bus.
When we got in, mum was nowhere to be seen, but her stuff was lying around, and the bureau was unlocked. Mark grimaced at me and knocked on her door, receiving no answer. He cracked the door open and peered inside, then closed the door.
“She’s out, and there’s an empty Stolichnaya bottle on the cabinet, so she’ll be out ’til morning. Can we talk?”
Oh yeah, I wanted to talk, but then I wanted to kiss him again, and then…
“Sure,” I said, “but not here, my room, she never goes in there.” He nodded agreement, and led me to my room. Once in, I carefully closed the door, and propped a chair under the knob, just in case.
Mark sat on my bed, and raked his hand through his hair, that smile of his melting me, as usual, and I sat next to him, grinning at him, unsure what to do next.