I shake myself internally. I have to stop these thoughts. I need to.
“Niko’s shirt. It’s one of his favorites.” He rolls his eyes. “If any man can have a favorite out of a sea of doppelganger shirts, it’s my cousin. Glad he got you back. He was…”
“What?” I ask when he doesn’t finish.
He just shakes his head. “Let’s just say he wasn’t fun to live with. Didn’t shoot any of us, so there’s that. Don’t get into trouble. I don’t think any of us will survive his wrath next time. He…he-”
Once more, he stops. I narrow my eyes and start to run my finger along the spines of the books, not really looking at them, but it gives me something to do.
“He’s using me.”
“It’s complicated.”
“No, it isn’t.”
He sighs, then chuckles. “You’re not what I thought you’d be. I think you might be more than Niko bargained for.”
That makes me smile. “Why don’t you give me a gun,” I say, feeling bolder, “and I can prove it.”
This time, he laughs. “You don’t know how to use a gun, Rosalind, and never, ever point one at him unless you intend to immediately shoot to kill.” Noted.
“He doesn’t scare me.” I’m lying, yet weirdly…not.
“Oh, man. Can I be there when you have it out with him?” He stops. “Not like sex. That’s gross. I just mean if you ever get the ovaries to ream him out, I wanna be there.”
I smile, and a small giggle escapes. There’s nothing funny about it, but I think I needed this. I think I need someone I can pretend is an ally, like I did with Rafe, except this man is chatty and has a friendly air and…
Maybe I’m losing my mind, but I like this Rush. It’s an immediate thing, probably from some sad corner of me who needs a friend and my only one isn’t here. She most likely thinks I’m dead.
I breathe out, and stumble over to the armchair. In a flash, Rush is on his feet, towering over me like Nikolai does. He puts an arm around me and guides me down to the chair. Unlike Nikolai, I don’t feel that cascading spark, the electricity. It’s just a nice, gentle, friendly touch.
“Woah, girl,” he says. “It’s only six a. m. A little early to hit the bottle.”
“You’re not funny.”
He sits on the sofa, a soft grin on his face, his gray eyes dancing. “I am. It’s part of my charm. Niko scares and I charm. I’m all fun and sexy man, baby.”
“You should be careful with that humble pie you’re eating, you might choke,” I say.
“Is that your way of telling me I’m insecure? Because, ouch, you’re just as evil as Niko, girl.”
I try and laugh, but I just let out a huff and look down.
“I’m kidding,” Rush insists. “You’re sweet and he isn’t. Good. Well intentioned. Anyone can see it, even Niko. You’re most definitely too good for him.” He pauses. “He’s…he’s not what you think.”
My gaze shoots to him. “I’m sure he’s exactly what I think.”
“Yeah, well.” Rush rubs a hand over his chin, eyes cutting to the door a moment. “He is, but I meant, Nikolai hasn’t had an easy life.”
“And I have?”
“No, I don’t think you have, but Niko, he…well, a lot of this is his story, but Finnegan’s rotten to the core.”
He doesn’t apologize and I’m glad. “I know.”
“Niko came up on the streets.” He looks down on his hands. “He fought his way up, worked hard after my dad brought him into the family.” “Brought him in?” I ask. “I don’t understand.”
“Not many people know this-and Niko prefers it that way-but his parents died in a shootout. They were Russian, hence his first name, in the wrong place at the wrong time, but he’s pure Wilder. My dad sort of adopted him, raised him as his own. He was like an older brother to me growing up, even though dad called him my cousin.”
Nikolai was adopted into this crime family? I had no idea.
“Dad showed him the ropes. He always wanted me to lead after him, but I’m not cut out for that kind of stuff like Niko is. When Finnegan killed my mom and dad… well…”
I stare at him. I don’t want to hang onto his words, but I do. There’s a hunger in me for information about Nikolai, to understand how he works, to understand him.
“Nikolai took control, the place he deserved. I wasn’t old enough, and I know Niko held it for me, but this life…” He shrugs. “Like I said, I like where I am. I don’t want to run things. Niko made me change my name last name officially to Roades. Added protection.”
“Or to take you out of the game.”
Rush shook his head. “No. He…he doesn’t have a blood claim like me. He did it to protect me.”
He seems convinced, but how can he be sure Nikolai cares about anyone other than himself? It doesn’t seem possible for him.
“Is the revenge he wants for his family?” I press for more.
“Yes,” Rush says but then rethinks it. “Well, no. It’s not for his parents. It’s for mine. He considered them more family than his own. I think their deaths fucked him up more than me.”
Interesting…What can I do with this new information? I’m not sure.
“Nikolai’s life’s been hard. There have been challenges for his leadership. Not now, no one would ever dare, but he’s been single minded in his plan of revenge for a while now. For me, for him, and now I’m thinking, for you.”
“Not for me.”
He sighs again, “Yeah, for you. Niko’s hard, harder than you can imagine, but he protects what’s his, and…” His eyes go to the door again, then back to me. “He saw it happen. All of it. His parents. Mine.”
There’s something about the Niko-Nikolai-that Rush has painted in my head. A kid who grew up fast, who saw horrors, who took on all the responsibilities to protect his cousin, preserve his legacy should he want it.
Weirdly, I can see Nikolai doing that.
The confusion grows, not wains. I push it away and find a smile when I look at Rush. “So,” I say, “please tell me you have a better sob story to get the girls in bed.”
“Sure do. Wanna hear it?”
I laugh, and I’m about to say yes when-
“No, she fucking doesn’t, Rush,” Nikolai says behind me, his voice dark, icy, severe. Just hearing it makes my skin prick and blood dance.
Rush looks up past me to Nikolai, then to me with a nervous smile.
Stepping in front of me, Nikolai’s body blocks my view of his cousin completely. “Don’t even look at her, Rush. You’re my cousin and I might care about you but make no mistake. Think of touching Rose and I’ll kill you. Now, get the fuck out.”
His vicious words make my heartbeat falter, but Rush seems unfazed.
“Yeah, yeah,” he says with a dramatic roll of his eyes. “See ya later,
Rosalind. Enjoy the beast.”
“Asshole,” Nikolai mutters as Rush strolls out.
Feeling more invigorated by all the new information I’ve learned, I get up and grab him, tugging him to face me. He just stares at me until I drop my hands.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks through a clenched jaw.
“Why are you down here? You left while I was asleep?” Like you’ve done so many times to me?
Annoyance prickles. “What is your problem?”
His eyes narrow into slits. “My fucking problem is I had to rescue you, and now my entire plan is ruined.”