Rosalind
I come awake in stages, naked, sticky, a mess of aches and sore muscles, inside and out.
Pushing back the sheets, I know a few things.
1. I’m naked.
2. I’m no longer a virgin.
He took off the collar and put me into my bed but left me his shirt.
I’m alone.
Nikolai isn’t here.
Yet…
I pull on the shirt and button it, loving the feel of it against me, the faint scent of him. I forgo a shower for now because I want to see him. Maybe I can entice him into one with me, have him clean me, and I can…
Swallowing, I put my fingers to my burning cheeks. I can feel him, like he was here, in the room. I slept so deep, so well, that I’m at peace.
My heart is fluttering behind my ribs. Everything about last night was perfect, everything a girl dreams about with her first time.
I need to see him.
As I walk out my door, the whole place has an abandoned feel. Except for my room. That felt so alive and real and full of him.
Slowly, I search, wandering into rooms, into his where the candles are blown out but his clothes are tangled on the floor and the sheets ripped up and a mess.
It makes me smile.
Maybe… If this was normal, I’d say he went to get us food and me flowers. But it isn’t normal, so maybe he had work.
Leaving his room, I continue heading down the stairs. I falter at the bottom step, staring across the foyer to the front door.
It’s open.
Wide open.
That’s odd…
I walk on shaky legs to it and peer outside. It’s a cloudy day, cool, and I don’t see anyone. It seems like I’m alone.
I could run. Escape.
The thought jolts me. I don’t expect it from my own mind, and that’s confusing in itself.
Escape?
I should. As weird as my time with Nikolai has been, I am his prisoner. He kidnapped me.
I have to remember that. So, if I see a chance to run out of here, I should take it. I should get to the nearest police station or find a phone to call-
But, Nikolai… Why do I care?
Do I care?
My head pounds. I don’t understand why I’m so conflicted about this. It should be the easiest decision in the world.
Instead, I backpedal away from salvation, leaving the door open. What would Mom say if she were here?
Besides the nasty scolding I’m sure I would get, she’d probably say that I needed to be smart about this. To remember our games and to try and think beyond what I can see. Things may not be as easy as they appear.
Like the door-weird that it’s open and that the alarm is off. No guards or Nikolai in sight.
Is it a test or a trap or… did something happen?
Panic grips me suddenly, and I’m breathing rapidly at the thought of Nikolai being hurt. Laying somewhere bleeding out. He has enemies- deadly ones. What if…
The gruesome images in my head make me walk deeper into the house.
“Nikolai?” I call out his name, voice shaking. “Nikolai? Are you home?”
I begin to search but find the main floor is full of locked doors, like his study, the library, the sitting room. Only the dining room is open so I go in, looking about, my anxiety growing with every second.
“Hello? Anyone? Nikolai?”
I stop and swallow. The shaking has taken over and I don’t know what to do. I’m stiff and sore in what feels like the best way, but right now, that fades to give room to growing fears.
The soreness that reminds me of him and what we did and the kind of muscles I don’t use give me a strange comfort, something to cling to in amongst the rising fear.
If I can still feel him on me, in me, then I’m okay. I’m-
Outside comes a sudden roar of an engine and squealing breaks. Doors slam and shouts fill the air. Gravel crunches, the sound winding in through that open door and for a moment, I start toward the door of the dining room.
I stop as I realize I don’t know the main voice. It’s shouting and barking orders to others.
Not. Nikolai.
Fear bursts into panic and I whirl around, trying to find a place to hide. There’s the bar in here so I go there, squeezing down behind it, just as footsteps reach the room.
The door hits wood and feet stomp in. Way too many. Nikolai doesn’t come with a team. Just him.
A chair flies with a snarl and I squeeze my eyes shut, even as I feel someone come close, breathing down my neck. “There you are.”
I shake my head and try to stay as small as I can, no matter how futile.
“Whore.”
The word rips into me and I scream, pressing down in my hiding spot as I look up and see him. A man. I try to make myself smaller, even though this man has already found me.
I was bad, and he found me. I don’t know where the thought springs from, but it’s there. Bright. Loud. Full of panic. Futile.
I stare up at him, and he lifts his hand like he’s going to strike me but instead, he spits. A gob of saliva hits my face and I wipe it away with shaking fingers.
He laughs.
He’s in a suit. A tie. He’s dressed up in the middle of the day and he looks beyond angry. I know that expression. It haunts me, follows me in my nightmares.
There’s a fancy box in his hands and he throws it on the bar.
“Get the fuck up, little bitch whore.”
I’m unable to move. All I’m wearing is Nikolai’s shirt. What the fuck is going on? Nikolai’s place is a fortress. I know he has staff. He’s smart, he’d never…
“Go away,” I say. “Nikolai won’t be happy. I’m his and you need to go.”
“You stupid, vile little whore,” the man sneers as he opens a box, pulling out a sheet.
I know that sheet. It was on Nikolai’s bed. My heart is thumping with fear and my head spins. What the hell is going on? I grip the bottom of the cream shirt I’ve buttoned up, Nikolai’s shirt, and I don’t know what to do.
Confusion rocks me as I stare at the sheet, what he’s showing me.
There’s a stain. Light. Red
Is that…? Is that from us? A little blood from taking my virginity? This man looks familiar. He scares the living daylights out of me.
It’s not even his features. No, it’s the way he stands, the build, the sneer. It’s the ugliness of hate and brutality, coupled with a twisted something some might call affection. The shadow that falls on me is familiar, too.
I want to cry.
I’m five and shaking. I’m five and know pain will rain down. My mommy isn’t here to save me.
The thought hits me fast, and I can’t breathe. It’s a punch to the stomach and I’m winded as I stare up at him again.
“The fucker isn’t coming, Thorne. Not now, not ever. He’s done. You’re a fucking waste, just like your mother.” I stare.
“I’m not surprised you’d fuck our enemy. You’re a fucking stupid cunt, like the bitch who birthed you. Of course you fucked him. Probably fucked them all. Am I right? Whores are whores, but you’re also a fucking Finnegan, so I expect you to make the most of the situation. Fucking him is that-a situation. One that got you to me.”
I sputter, the realization of who he is slamming into me like a freight train. “No-”
“Shut your stupid fucking mouth, Thorne, and get the fuck up. You’ll be useful. You’re pretty enough, and he liked you enough to fuck your stupid brains out. I bet he talks, I bet Wilder likes to talk in bed and crow about his triumphs. You can tell me everything. Get up and come with me.”
I can’t let that happen. I’m not sure where the sudden bravery comes from, but it’s ripping from my mouth in a rush. “No! I’m staying with Nikolai.”
He laughs, and it’s the cruelest sound I’ve ever heard. “Look around you, Thorne. Do you see your ugly bastard of a lover? He got what he wanted from you, and now he’s done. He’s over it. He gave you to me. Lost the game over a stupid fucking maid he probably wants to bone. I don’t know, don’t care. She wasn’t that good, though some of my men enjoyed her. If you weren’t my bitch of a kid, I’d give you to them, too. Wise up.
Your precious Nikolai lost, and I got you back. He’s not coming. Get up.” What? Thorne? Who’s that? Maid? What is he talking about?
Suddenly, I realize I haven’t seen Sylvie recently. I open my mouth to retort, but he punches me so hard in the head, I see stars. He’s careful; though my eye starts to swell and my cheek blooms with the start of a bruise, he doesn’t spill blood.
This man likes to hurt, I think.
Think? I know.
They weren’t nightmares. They were memories.
My stomach lurches as he clicks his fingers and two big men grab me, hauling me up.
Their grips are cruel.
My father knows how to hurt and how to do it to get the most enjoyment.
I start to struggle as something pricks my skin and cold floods my veins.
Then everything wobbles. Everything goes dark.