Isabella
I don’t know what wakes me up first, the hot pressure of skin against me or the morning light threading through the open curtains, but by the time I roll onto my side of the bed, I don’t feel like sleeping in.
I blink my eyes a few times, exhale sleepily, turn my head to lie on the other cheek-and my gaze lands on the trail of dark hair leading down Raul’s chest. Damn. Did I slide down the bed again? I hate being smushed against his chest in the morning, even if it’s so pleasant in the post-orgasmic glow.
I huff quietly and push myself up on the pillow to be face-to-face with the man that I…what? Hate? It doesn’t sound so convincing anymore, huh? Not when I’m sharing a bed with him for the fifth time this week.
God, how did I manage to end up here? The thought weighs heavily on my heart, and I can’t help a sigh escaping my lungs as I settle on the pillow with my gaze drifting to Raul’s face. What do I feel when I look at him like this? I listen to the sensations in my chest. Desire, resentment, longing, regret… How can I put a name on this blend of hot and cold, of attraction and hatred?
I still think… no, I still know that he’s a cold and selfish asshole-but it doesn’t stop me from taking my clothes off at his command and moaning into the sheets when he thrusts into me. The image sends a hot wave of desire through my veins, and I roll onto my back and close my eyes for a moment, pushing it down.
I hate Raul-but even more so, I hate that he has so much power over my body. During the last few weeks, we’ve been spending every other night together, and each of them has been better than the last. But does it mean anything? I swallow, staring at the ceiling. I don’t want to think about it, but the sensation in my chest is too strong to ignore.
I know it doesn’t mean anything to him. In fact, it feels more like we’re in the middle of an affair, only we’re married to each other and live in one house. Except for that, there’s pretty much nothing to hold us together. We bicker sometimes, talk about the Escarras sometimes, maybe share a breakfast sometimes, but that’s about it. Only sex makes things different from being just roommates, but even that doesn’t change our relationship that much.
Raul clearly has no feelings for me. He keeps his heart closed for whatever reason, and I…well, I’m not interested in it anyway. I even roll onto my side to turn away from Raul, frowning to myself and gripping the pillow tighter. All I need him for is to send his men after Gerardo when the time comes.
For the last few weeks, ever since Raul refused to work together and sabotaged our best chance to catch the Escarras, I’ve been spying on them behind everyone’s back. In fact, I have already caught sight of Gerardo a dozen times, and I have a better idea of where he’s hiding these days. But obviously, I can’t go in and kill him on my own-and that’s what I need Raul for.
If I give him Gerardo’s exact location, Raul won’t be as eager to question my authority again.
The thought sends a wave of determination through me, and I know I can’t stay in bed anymore. I sit up-a little too sharply, perhaps, because I feel dizzy for a moment even as my feet touch the carpet. Damn, is it too hot here? Those thick blankets kept me up for half of the night, and now, this carpet-
“Isabella?”
Raul’s thick voice sends a wave of goosebumps down my arms, but unlike last night, I don’t feel like diving into his embrace. For some reason, the sensation annoys me, and I only glance at him over my shoulder before pushing up on my feet. The remaining dizziness doesn’t put me in a better mood either.
“Are you gonna make coffee?” Raul asks with a yawn. I purse my lips, pulling a tank top over my head. Why, does he want me to serve him in bed?
“No.”
He hums. “Do you want me to make you some?”
Oh, just look at him being all chivalrous and lovely.
“No,” I say rather coldly, and… Well, I don’t know what hits me at that moment, but I add right before walking out of the bedroom, “I’m leaving.”
Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? I don’t know for sure, but I feel suffocated all of a sudden and I just want to leave this house to get some fresh air-both for my lungs and for my heart. So I don’t even stop to think about what I’m doing before changing into the first jeans and pullover that my gaze lands on and rushing out of the house, ignoring Raul’s
confused gaze.
Only when I get into the car do I pause to think about where I’m going-and the answer comes right away.
“Oh, hi, good morning!” Alina greets me at the door of their
apartment with a bright smile on her lips and Benito scooped up in her arms. “Are you here to see Giovanni?”
Even before I answer, Alina holds out her arm to pull me into a hug, and I can’t help but wince from the ache in my breasts when she presses me close. Too close, I guess? But at the same time, Benito pats me on the shoulder, and I quickly forget all about my discomfort and look at him with a smile. God, isn’t he the cutest little boy?
“Not really,” I finally remember to answer after Alina gives me a questioning look. “Just wanted to say hi.”
“Oh, sure, sure, come in.” She steps back into the hallway, gesturing for me to follow her, while Benito kicks his legs with his hand in his mouth and his eyes studying me. “Have you been working on your muscles? I feel like your figure has changed.”
I quirk an eyebrow, taking my shoes off. Is that a compliment? I’m not sure, but it puts me in a rather sour mood.
“Giovanni left this morning to inspect some kind of a robbery in Olga’s territory. I guess they suspect that the Escarras are behind it.” Alina glances at me over Benito’s head with curiosity. “I thought you’d be there as well.”
Oh. Right. I look away feeling like I’ve just been caught doing something nasty. But of course, I haven’t done anything bad! It’s not like I’m lying to anyone about where I’m spending my days, right? I’m just helping them in secret, so to speak, even if it involves missing some calls from Matteo and Riccardo.
“No, I, um…I have a couple of things to deal with. With Raul, you know?”
“Oh, with Raul? Interesting,” Alina says with a tone I don’t really like, giving me a suggestive smirk before turning away to grab a pack of coffee. “How has everything been between you guys?”
Goddamnit. And what am I supposed to say?
“As usual.” I shrug, trying to sound casual, and look away with embarrassment burning on my cheeks as the memories of last night resurface in my mind. “Nothing new.”
“Ah, but that doesn’t tell me anything,” Alina says with a pouty voice, filling up their coffee machine. “Do you like him?”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Who would like a douchebag like that?”
Benito lets out a bubbly noise, and I take it as a sign of support. Yes! But Alina shrugs, not looking convinced. “I don’t know, last time I saw you was at the wedding-and there was definitely something between you guys.”
What? I fiercely shake my head, sitting up straight. No, of course not, there’s nothing between us. What is she talking about?
“Don’t get me wrong,” she continues, completely missing the look of confusion and irritation on my face. “But you looked like two birds of a feather, if you know what I mean.”
Alina glances at me with an innocent chuckle, sitting Benito down in his chair, but I can only raise my eyebrows. No…no, I don’t know what she means.
“Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but you two would make a good couple, and then who knows? The De Lugos need a successor.”
Wait, what? What? I stare at Alina unblinking for a few seconds, trying to comprehend what she just said. A successor? Does she expect Raul and me to have children? She can’t be serious! That’s just-no. No way!
But before I can say anything, Alina puts a cup of steaming coffee in front of me. The smell of it, which usually puts me in a good mood and
gives a pleasant nudge to my senses, hits my nostrils-and I feel a wave of nausea so strong I have to physically turn away from it with a cough.
“Are you okay?” Alina puts a hand on my shoulder, leaning down to try and catch my gaze, but I shake my head, still trying to hold back the nausea, and wave a hand.
“Yeah, it’s-it’s nothing.” Another wave squeezes my throat, and I jump up on my feet in an attempt to get away from the coffee. “I gotta go, though. It was nice seeing you.”
I rush out of the door before Alina can stop me or ask any questions that would disturb me even more.
Two birds of a feather? A successor? She must’ve lost her damn mind! I get into the car and shut the door with a little too much force. That’s what spending days with a toddler does to you, probably. Children? With Raul? I huff and shake my head, turning the ignition key, but there’s a weird jittery feeling in my chest now that I can’t quite explain to myself.
The idea of being pregnant has never even crossed my mind, but now that Alina planted it in my head, I can’t get rid of it. It’s as if her words are pulling together a bunch of different pieces that come together into an image, and I’m not sure what to think about it. Mood swings, nausea, sore breasts, delayed period…
I swallow, my throat feeling dry all of a sudden. No, it can’t be, it can’t. I’ve been on birth control for the last couple of weeks, so it should be fine. It should be. One week of delay is nothing big, and everything else… well, it’s just a coincidence, right? It’s just the hormones playing with me- because my period is soon. Got it?
But the tiny persistent voice in my head refuses to shut up because the first time I had sex with Raul, it was completely unprotected. And the second time. And maybe the third, I don’t remember, but the point is, it happened only a couple of times. It’s not a big deal! I couldn’t have been unlucky enough to have it right in the middle of my cycle, right?
But the more I’m thinking about it, the more restless I get until the worry gets the best of me and I pull into an empty parking spot in the middle of the street and grab my phone. It won’t hurt anyone to do a couple of tests, right? I have enough time on my hands to schedule an appointment, and maybe my physician will think I’m crazy when all tests come out negative, but… just to be safe, you know?
Luckily, I manage to get an appointment just a couple of days later, and even though I know it’s just a waste of time, I feel a little bit lighter as I come out of the clinic. My period is still late.
Over the next few days, though, I manage to get a better idea of Gerardo’s movements around the city to the point that I follow him for a whole day without being noticed. Isn’t it amazing? Isn’t it better than anything Raul and Riccardo have gotten so far?
The excitement of it gets to me, adrenaline running through my veins, and as I’m creeping through the streets of West Ridge, the damn test is the last thing I care about-and of course that’s exactly when the clinic staff decides to give me a call. Goddamnit. I stare at the number on my phone for a moment, too tempted to just ignore it, but it has already
distracted me from the Escarras. Might as well figure out if my life is going to hell while I’m at it.
“Yes?” I pick up with a rather sharp tone, looking around for any tail.
“Oh, hello, Mrs. De Lugo.” God, I hate that I had to change my last name because of this asshole. “It’s Nancy from the Love Life Clinic. Do you have a moment to-”
“I have only a moment, so hurry up.”
“Sure, uh, sorry,” the nurse sputters in apologies. She probably isn’t used to that kind of tone, but I can’t help myself. Every second is important, and all of her polite manners will cost me my damn life. “So we went over your blood and urine tests, and I have some good news for you.”
I breathe out in relief, closing my eyes. Thank god. “You’re pregnant!”
Wait, what? I blink my eyes open, barely focused on the empty side alley in front of me. No, no, it can’t be!
I open my mouth to ask if she’s sure-when something soft presses against my lips and a strong smell of spirits hits my nostrils. Shit! I let out an incoherent grumble and kick the invisible attacker behind me, dropping the phone on the ground for the sake of trying to grab him. Get off me! No!
I even manage to hit someone’s flesh, but before I can do anything more, another pair of hands grabs my wrist and someone curses in Spanish. The Escarras? Fuck! I try to scream again, kicking my legs and arm-and the next thing I know is a burst of pain at the back of my head before everything disappears in the darkness.