Romeo responds with an unintelligible hum of confirmation, but a few minutes later I still see him on the couch, playing video games, so I
walk to the living room and clear my throat. When he looks up at me, I put my hands on my hips and quirk an eyebrow.
“Shall I repeat?”
“But, just one more level!”
“Alright, but no games until you’re done with homework then.”
Romeo immediately puffs up his cheeks and stands up with a mighty frown. “Fine!”
“Don’t forget to wash your-”
“I remember!” he yells harshly, stomping away to the stairs, but I guess he catches his own mistake right away because he stops even before I call him.
“Romeo. Look at me.” He turns around, staring at the floor, so I cross my arms and wait until he huffs and looks up. “What did you just say?
“Nothing.” He looks away again, fidgets in his place, huffs and grunts for a moment, and finally mutters, “I’m sorry, Miss Liss.”
“Apology accepted,” I say with fake dramatism before chuckling and waving him off. “Now go, the cookies won’t be waiting forever.”
“Cookies?” Romeo’s face immediately lights up with enthusiasm, and before I can say anything, he runs to the stairs. I huff and turn around. Sometimes it’s really easy to handle him.
Romeo gets to the kitchen a few minutes later in a big t-shirt with a dog character from his favorite animation series and a stack of textbooks. Thankfully, the academic year is coming to an end, and the teachers are being a little easier with homework-but a lot more strict with in-class tests. So instead of spending hours on home tasks, Romeo and I usually go through various topics after dinner.
Matteo joins us a few minutes later, and Romeo repeats to him
everything that happened today at school-I already heard it all on the way back home-with his mouth full of sweet potatoes. It looks adorable, and I share a few chuckles with Matteo, our hands involuntarily touching
whenever we turn to each other. He even wraps his arm around my waist when he puts his plate in the sink, but I shush him and he quickly pulls his hand away.
Yeah, so we haven’t really told Romeo about, you know, the shift in our relationship. We decided to take it slow because what if something goes wrong? It would break Romeo’s heart-if he accepted our relationship in the first place. So for now, we keep quiet about it, and Matteo keeps his hands to himself for the rest of dinner before retreating back to his office
while Romeo and I open the textbooks.
“Miss Liss,” Romeo says sometime later, after we’re done with
science but not yet started on grammar. He’s chewing his lips, staring down at his knees, and it means he’s really thinking about what he wants to say.
“Yes?” I encourage him with a smile after he says nothing for a long moment. “Do you want to tell me something?”
He shakes his head.
“Do you want to ask me something?” He nods.
“Well, go ahead, I’m not gonna bite you,” I say with a chuckle, gently nudging him with my elbow, and Romeo visibly gathers himself for the question before looking at me.
“Miss Liss, are you going to leave after the year is over?”
“What?” I frown and lay a hand on his shoulder, shifting on the couch to face him properly. “No, of course not. Why would you think I could leave you like that?”
But Romeo only frowns even harder, looking both grumpy and upset at the same time.
“Because nannies always leave for the summer. I don’t have to go to school anymore, and Papa stays at home all the time, so I just stay with him…but I don’t want to stay with him!” He finally looks me in the eyes,
and I see deep emotions brimming in his eyes. “He’s always working in his room, and I can’t even play there. It will be so lonely without you, Miss Liss, please don’t leave.”
Oh. My heart tightens with sympathy, aching from the inside, and before I can say anything I pull Romeo into my arms, holding him close. I shut my eyes tight, and for a moment it feels as if I have tears on my own lashes, but I quickly blink them away and press a kiss to his hair.
“Of course I won’t leave. Get this silly idea out of your head, alright?” I pull back, holding onto Romeo’s shoulders, to look into his teary eyes and smile with as much encouragement as I can muster. “I’m staying with you for as long as you need me.”
He sniffles, still looking unsure. “But Papa-”
“Oh, he won’t do anything.” I chuckle, running my hand through Romeo’s messy hair. “I think he doesn’t want me to leave either.”
“I think so too,” Romeo mutters after a moment, and I finally see a hint of a smile on his lips. He’s still doing his best to look serious, but the sparkle in his eyes makes it obvious that he believes me. “So you aren’t gonna leave?’
“No.” I smile wider, gently stroking his cheek. “I promise.” “Yes! Thank you, Miss Liss!”
Romeo finally raises his voice into happy yelling and lunges forward, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tightly that he lets out a grunt. The feelings of fondness, affection, and pure love fill me from inside, and I pull him close to me, slightly swaying in my embrace. My sweet boy, how could he even think that I would leave him? I’d never do-
And at that moment, I freeze as the realization dawns on me, and the weight of it pulls my heart down. I just promised that I won’t leave Romeo
-but isn’t that exactly what I’m going to do? Isn’t it a part of my grand goddamn plan?
He fidgets in my arms, pushing closer, and of course Dolce wants to join us, pushing his nose into my side a moment after, and it only makes me feel like shit. I close my eyes, leaning on the back of the couch with Romeo in my arms. God, what am I doing? How can I lie to him so easily? How
can I dream about breaking his life apart?
If I kill Matteo and run away…it’s gonna kill Romeo as well. He
won’t have anyone else in the world, and isn’t that exactly what Matteo did to me? Won’t I turn into the same monster? Shit. Shit. How can my revenge be more important than his life? I don’t know, god, I don’t know. I pull
Romeo closer to me, feeling protective-but am I the one he should be protected from?
My heart is aching, my mind is a complete mess, and I just- I don’t know if I can do it anymore.
The thought comes back to me again and again, especially when I spend time with Matteo and Romeo, laughing, chattering, and pretending like I haven’t been lying to them since the first day.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I find my determination again, and I tell myself that nothing is more important than my brother’s memory. I’m the only one who cares about his death, so it’s my duty to make sure that it won’t be left behind and forgotten by the very person that killed him.
But during the day, when Romeo hugs me all of a sudden, or when Matteo presses quick kisses behind his back, I can feel my resolution
slipping out of me. How can I betray them? How can I turn their life into hell? I’m already attached to both of them, and it tears my heart into pieces. What should I do? What is right?
I spend the rest of the week unable to find even a second of peace, and Tuesday comes in the blink of an eye. With all these thoughts boiling in my mind, I completely forget about the information I sent to Giovanni- until I hear the echo of it.