Matteo
It’s so sudden that I don’t even know what to think about it. Liss has been staying in her bedroom since this morning, and I was sure she wasn’t feeling well. I even thought about knocking on her door and insisting that
she takes a break from work, but now… What’s going on?
Liss looks at me with big eyes like a deer caught in car lights, and I can’t help but feel-
“Oh, Matteo, I’m so sorry!” she exclaims, putting her hands on her chest with innocent eyes and hurrying to step away from the desk. “It’s not what you-I was looking for you! Yes, I wanted to apologize for being so off this morning. I wasn’t feeling well, but I’m better now, really.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that,” I say with a mindless smile, walking to the desk and still trying to come back to my senses. Liss’s
appearance has completely thrown me off guard, and I have trouble keeping up with her hurried speech.
“Ah, sure, but I wanted to make it clear.” Liss gives me a charming smile, tilting her head a little and looking up at me, and I can’t help the
warmth in my chest. I’d forgive her for anything. “But when I came closer to your desk, your photo caught my eye. To be honest, I just got lost in it. Silly, huh?”
She gives me a guilty smile, stepping away when I get to the desk but still standing so close I catch a whiff of her perfume-sweet and floral. God, how am I supposed to resist her? My heart starts to beat faster, and I forget all suspicions that crawled into my mind when I entered.
Of course Liss would notice our family photo. Isn’t that sweet?
I glance at the photo despite myself, and something in my chest tightens when I look at Sienna’s smiling face. Long dark hair, honey skin, big eyes, and a smile brighter than the sun-oh, sometimes I forget just how beautiful she was. I see the photo every day, of course, but I’m so used to it that I barely pay attention to it these days. But thanks to Liss, I actually take a moment to get a proper look at the photo that immediately brings back memories of our trip to Virginia.
God, it’s been only five years. Who would’ve thought that everything would change?
“It is Romeo, isn’t it?” Liss’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I blink and glance at her, catching her studying the photo with a thoughtful frown. I’m sure she’s smart enough to know who the people in the photo
are, but she’s also very tactful in avoiding any questions about Sienna, and I admire her for it.
“Yes,” I say with a distant smile. I pick up the frame, holding it for both of us to see it better. “This is Romeo, this is me, and this is my wife, Sienna.”
“Oh,” Liss exhales under her breath, looking at our faces with renewed curiosity, and I can’t help but smile, watching her from the corner of my eye. “Is she…”
Liss doesn’t finish the question and only looks at me with a thoughtful frown, delivering her question in silence. I sigh quietly and give her a joyless smile before looking at Sienna again. In this photo, she is forever safe and happy, and it’s something I failed to keep when she was
still with me.
“She’s dead,” I murmur, avoiding the details of her gruesome death
-or rather, her murder. The day of the explosion flashes before my eyes,
and I feel the old crippling guilt squeeze my heart. “I failed to keep her safe, I let everyone down, I-”
I catch myself. What am I doing? Liss doesn’t want to listen to me weeping about my old mistakes.
“Ah, it’s nothing, nevermind,” I say after a short pause, turning to give Liss a quick and apologetic smile. “Do you-”
But the look in Liss’s eyes makes me stop before I come up with an excuse to change topics. She’s looking at me with a sympathetic frown, the corners of her lips turned down, and when my gaze lingers on her Liss
suddenly raises her hand to put it on my shoulder. And it’s nothing, it’s just a small gesture, but somehow it makes the weight of my failure easier.
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” she says quietly, still holding my gaze, and squeezes my shoulder. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”
It was, of course it was! But the words of self-reprimand get stuck in my throat.
I don’t know if it’s Liss’s words, her gentle touch, or the sense of intimacy that pulls us even closer. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t find it in me to resist it. Warmth spreads through my body from Liss’s touch, and my head suddenly feels light, all proper thoughts escaping me, only my heart is beating stronger than ever.
It’s wrong, unprofessional, weird, overstepping, and a thousand other adjectives that still don’t stop me as I lean forward and kiss her lips.
I can feel Liss still in surprise, her hand instinctively squeezing me tighter, her lips parting with a quiet gasp. It catches her off guard, I know, but she doesn’t pull back, doesn’t push me away, and it sends a heated wave of thrill through my body. Does she want it? Does she like me too?
I close my eyes and, without holding myself back, wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer-and Liss yields into the touch, sighing into my lips. God, what a wonderfully obedient girl. A wave of satisfaction runs through my body, and I pat her waist to praise her before kissing her even deeper. Liss hums into the kiss, sliding her hand up my shoulder, and I feel like I could move mountains for her.
The desire to have her overtakes any other thoughts, and I ignore the sound of a notification from the computer, pushing her toward the desk. It’s been years since I had sex in my office, and it makes me feel like a horny teenager, but god, I-
“No, no, wait.”
Suddenly, Liss squeezes my shoulder, pushing me away and pulling herself back, panting into my lips. Why no? Why wait? I look at her, unfocused, catching my breath and feeling drunk on her smell. I know she wants it, I can see it in the blush on her cheeks and the dark look in her eyes, her body all but leaning into mine. So why-
“It’s wrong,” Liss murmurs and looks away, shaking her head. “No, it’s wrong, I-I shouldn’t.”
She pushes me away with more intention, and I give up, stepping back. As soon as the cool air touches my skin, the distance between our
bodies clearing my mind, I feel a cold wave of realization washing over me. God, what have I done?
I close my eyes and rub my face, feeling like a total idiot. “Liss, I”
But before I can finish the sentence I hear a rustle of clothes, hurried
steps, and by the time I look up Liss is already closing the door behind her. Goddamnit. I groan under my breath and slump into the chair. I can’t believe I kissed my son’s nanny! Did I scare her? Does she think I’m a creep now?
But whatever Liss thinks, I know what I sensed. I know she wanted me, and even if it’s wrong and unprofessional, I can’t lie. I want her badly
-but if Liss thinks it’s a bad idea, perhaps I have to stay away from her. She’s the best nanny Romeo has ever had, and I will never forgive myself if I ruin what they have with my own desires.
So I breathe out, shake my head, and sit up straight, looking around.
I need a gulp of cold water, and my bottle should be somewhere here… right? I check the desk a couple of times and frown. Damn, I’m sure I left it next to the laptop, but I can’t find it now. It couldn’t have disappeared!
In the end, I have to go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and I see Liss driving away. It’s too early to pick Romeo up, but I can’t help the feeling that she wants to avoid me. Damn it. No, I really have to hold myself back. Whatever feelings I have for her, they need to go away.
Easier said than done, huh? Especially when the source of my thoughts and feelings is right in front of me every day.
I don’t know if it would be easier to stop thinking about Liss if she wasn’t living with us, but as it is…god, I feel like it’s only getting worse.
Whenever I see her in the morning, looking cozy and lovely in her pajamas, a wave of warmth spreads through my entire body and I have to force myself to leave the kitchen. The image of cornering her against the wall, threading my fingers through her hair, and pushing her head back to kiss her lips-ah, it’s too strong to ignore.
It doesn’t help me that Liss seems to be more affected by my presence as well. She doesn’t show it, but I can see her glancing at me more often than usual, and when Romeo isn’t around the air between us glimmers with tension. We pretend like nothing has changed, but every time our eyes meet, it’s as if she’s seeing directly through my soul.
No matter how many times I try to shake it off, I feel helpless. I am completely under her spell, and there’s nothing I can do to make it easier.
The memory of our kiss haunts me every day, distracting me from work and pulling me toward Liss like an invisible rope. The warmth of her skin, the natural obedience of her body, the look of arousal in her eyes when she looked up at me-oh, I would be lying if I said I didn’t dream about it at least once. But it’s not only desire that keeps me on edge.
Before I realized it, Liss became something more than just Romeo’s nanny who lives in our house and makes me go crazy about her. I catch myself thinking about her not only as an attractive woman but also as a partner, as someone who would stay with us forever. I know, it’s so naive and silly-we aren’t even dating, and who knows if her feelings for me are anything more than sexual attraction-but I can’t help it.
I want her to be mine.
“Alright, I’m going to grab some dinner,” I say into the microphone and lean back into the chair, rubbing my eyes. Goddamnit, I’ve been thinking about Liss again. I really should stop getting distracted so easily.
“See you on Sunday?”
Georgiy grunts something under his breath-one of the Russian patrols got in trouble some half an hour ago, and he’s still dealing with it. “Sure, man. Where are you going, by the way?”
“To the zoo. He’s been begging to go there for ages now.” “Ah, good, good. I’ve heard they have a new exhibition or
something.” Georgiy hums, getting distracted, and I can hear him tapping on the keyboard. “Well, have fun with Romeo tomorrow.”
Yeah, and I hope it won’t be too weird without Liss around.
Tomorrow is Saturday, and she has the day off, so I can’t really tell her to go with us. Besides, I promised myself to stay away from her, right? And it’s been a while since Romeo and I had a day out with just the two of us, so it’s only for the better. It will be fun!
But when I go down the stairs and linger on the first floor, watching Liss and Romeo goof around in the kitchen, I catch myself thinking that we will miss her tomorrow. The two of them have truly bonded over the last couple of weeks, and even when Liss isn’t around Romeo keeps gushing about her. He adores her even more than I do, and I haven’t seen him this excited around someone since Sienna was killed.
God, I can’t believe I’ll have to let her go someday-but I push the thought back and join them in the kitchen.
“Papa! Look what we’ve made!”
Romeo immediately starts bouncing in excitement, and Liss
chuckles with fondness, watching him, before turning to me. Our eyes meet for a moment, the smile lingering on her lips, and I catch that sparkle again, that depth in her eyes that makes my heart stutter. But before I know it, Liss blinks and looks away, taking the tension away with her, and I have no other choice but to follow her gaze.
“Oh, it looks good.”
“It’s nothing special.” She smiles with a hint of shyness, avoiding my gaze, and takes the dish to the dining table. “Just homemade lasagna and a cherry pie for dessert. Romeo said that you like it.”
“I helped Miss Liss do the layers!” he immediately adds, and I chuckle, reaching out to pat his head.
“Good job, buddy. It looks perfect.”
Well, not really-I can clearly see where Romeo got distracted and poured more sauce on one side than the other-but it doesn’t matter. It makes my heart warm just to know that Liss and Romeo made it together. What else do I need to make this evening better?
I can’t help but glance at Liss at the thought. She’s on the other side of the table, giggling about something with Romeo and keeping her distance from me, and I wish she was closer to me. I wish it was a proper family dinner, not a well-crafted copy of one.
“So what’s your plan for tomorrow?” Liss asks Romeo while I’m loading the dishwasher and she’s slicing the pie. “I’ve heard the weather will be nice!”
“Yes! That’s why Papa promised to take me to the zoo, right?”