Jacinta
My hands are still shaking when Paolo drives off the highway and turns the car onto a quiet street, away from downtown. We spent the whole ride in tense silence; Paolo was entirely focused on driving while I was struggling to gather my thoughts together. At this point, it feels like I can’t trust my own mind.
What just happened? Was it all real?
Everything is such a mess, and I don’t know anymore if I did the right thing. I clutch my shirt tighter and shut my eyes, struggling to keep a new wave of nausea down. Emilio’s pale face and the scarlet stain seeping through his shirt immediately appear behind my closed eyelids, and I feel a lump growing in my throat.
So many times I imagined killing Emilio for every ugly word he’d ever said-but I never knew it would be so terrifying to see him choke on his breath and slump to the ground. God, he’s gone. My cousin is gone. I press my palm to my forehead and bite my lip. What have I done? Why did I run away from him?
“We’re here.” Paolo’s quiet voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and a moment later I feel a touch on my shoulder. I instinctively startle, but I stop myself before I can brush it off. I need this touch more than anything.
I pull my hand away from my face and turn to Paolo. He’s watching me with the stern frown he often carries around-but in his eyes I see his strength, worry, and something even deeper. His palm lingers on my shoulder, and it’s enough to help me take a deeper breath.
This is why I ran away from Emilio. This is why I sacrificed everything I had. For the affection in Paolo’s eyes and the frantic rhythm of my heart in his presence.
“Are you alright?” His gaze darts over my face, and I can’t help a weak smile at the note of concern in his voice. But the truth is…
“I don’t know.”
My thoughts are still a mess, and my body is still tense with panic and adrenaline, so I look away from Paolo and focus on our surroundings. Through the windshield, I see a big house bathing in the moonlight with a
wide driveway at the front and acres of lawn all around it. The edges of the property are rising in the form of hedges and thick tree lines through which, in the distance, I can see the faint lights of neighboring houses.
“What is this place?” I turn to Paolo as soon as we get out of the car, and he pauses after closing the driver’s door and takes a deep breath, looking up at the house.
“It’s my home.” What?
I stare at Paolo for a moment, not knowing what to say, but he doesn’t wait for my answer and walks to the front door without a glance
around. Okay, so I knew that the mansion where I spent the last few weeks wasn’t Paolo’s house-on the second day of my imprisonment, Alice told me that it belonged to his brother Riccardo. And that wasn’t surprising.
Why would you bring a hostage into your own home?
Which makes it all the more special for me to follow Paolo and step my foot into the lit-up warmth of his living room. It’s smaller than anything I’m used to, but the brown colors, warm lights, and electric fireplace make it so cozy and safe.
Can I be safe here, though? Do I have any right to stay while my family is killing the Italians just to get me back? I bite my lip, hugging my shoulders tighter, and walk closer to the windows, mindlessly looking at the peaceful scenery outside. Damn it. I shouldn’t be here. I have to-
“Are you scared of them?”
In the reflection on the dark window, I see Paolo step closer to me, but he keeps his distance and stops a couple of feet behind me. He’s
studying me with a frown, and only when I look at my own reflection do I realize that my body is still trembling. My grip on my shoulders is painfully tight, and I have to force myself to breathe out and relieve some of the tension before turning to Paolo.
“No. I’m scared of what we left behind.” I chew my lip again, feeling it getting sore, and walk away from Paolo with the urge to pace around just to make myself move. “Dad is gonna kill as many of your people as he can just to get me back. You already know that, right? Your men wouldn’t bring me there for-”
“I didn’t plan to bring you there,” Paolo interrupts me with surprising passion, making me stop and look at him. His eyes are dark and intense as he meets my gaze and steps forward. “I’d never do that.”
Wouldn’t he? I look at him with surprise, and something in my chest grows with warmth-but the turmoil of my mind is even stronger, so I
shake my head and turn away.
“It doesn’t matter. What I’m saying is that…god, we’re starting a war just by being here!” I run my hand through my hair, feeling a tight knot of nerves in my guts. “It’s gonna get so much worse. Dad is gonna go crazy, and-damn it. Your family may get killed, and for what? For keeping me here, for allowing me to-”
“Wait, wait, Jacinta, calm down.”
At the same moment, I feel Paolo’s hands on my back and shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I gasp for breath and, biting back my tears, follow his hands, allowing myself to be weak in his embrace. I close my eyes, breathing in his scent, and it feels so good that I clutch his shoulders and bury my face in his neck, soothing the quivers running under my skin.
“You are thinking too low of me and my family.” Paolo chuckles a moment later, stroking my hair and making my worries melt away one by one. “The Messina Clan has been holding the throne of Chicago for decades. Do you think we can’t stand for ourselves? Do you think we’re gonna let someone like your father win?”
“But-”
“But you should trust me.” He pulls back just enough to look me in the eyes, and I see the confidence that always makes me trust him. “The Messinas never step down-and now, you are a part of my family. You are a part of me.”
My mind is too fuzzy to understand the meaning of his words right away, but when Paolo slides his hand down my arm and to my stomach, I realize it immediately with a warm wave of shyness. Wait, does that mean he wants to…? No, no, that’s impossible, I shake my head and push myself out of his arms, turning away.
“You probably feel obligated to take care of me,” I say in a low voice and walk away, mindlessly pressing my palm to my stomach. God, is there really a baby inside of me? Paolo’s baby?
I still need time to fully realize that this is happening, but…I purse my lips and gather the fabric of my shirt in a fist. I can’t explain it, but I
already feel protective of the tiny speck of life inside of me. Would Paolo want to protect and take care of it? Would he want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me?
My biggest fear is to give birth to a child with a father who doesn’t know how to love it, so I take a steadying breath and turn to Paolo. “But you don’t have to. Really. If you don’t want it, I can raise it by myself. I have enough money, so-”
“What?” Paolo exclaims so loudly it makes me startle and strides toward me with his fiery gaze set on me. “No, that’s not-we are raising our child together, do you understand? I’m gonna take care of you, of both of you, no matter what. God, Jacinta, how could you even think I’d let you go?”
He grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at him, and I can’t escape the burning passion of his dark eyes. Is this real? Does Paolo
actually…no, he can’t love me, but maybe he actually feels something.
Maybe he sees me as a woman, as a lover, as someone to cherish and admire-and for some reason, the thought makes something in my chest explode.
“I-” I try to say something, but my throat tightens around the words, and I feel too close to crying. So I look to the side, avoiding his
gaze, to clear my mind and calm down the frantic pace of my heart before I can properly speak again. “I didn’t know if you’d want to…be with me?
I’m still not sure. I mean, why would you? Emilio said no man would ever look at someone so fat and ugly like me, and I know it’s true, I-”
“He said what?”
Paolo’s hold on me suddenly turns to steel, and something in my chest tightens when I hear just how deep and dangerous his voice is. Shit, I didn’t mean to make him mad, but at the same time, I can’t help the odd feeling of relief. It’s the first time someone has actually gotten angry on my behalf, and I finally feel like I’m not alone in the pain and sorrow of my past.
But still, I don’t want to make Paolo angry-he’s already taken his revenge on my cousin-so I clear my throat and try to sound calmer. “He said…many things. In the past. But it was all just childish bullshit!”
“What was it?” Paolo repeats, glaring me in the eyes, and I swallow. He looks angry, intimidating…and really hot. Damn it. “What did he say?”
Ah, whatever. It’s not gonna do me any harm, right?
“Well, Emilio is my cousin, so I can’t remember everything he’s ever told me, okay?” I purse my lips, trying to direct my sudden arousal
into frustration, and demonstratively look away. “He just said that I’m too disgusting to have any friends and that I’ll never have a boyfriend because no boy would ever want me. There, you have it. Are you happy now?”
Shit, why does this stuff still hurt?
“That fucker,” Paolo growls and releases me with so much force I stumble backward-but he isn’t looking at me. He turns around and
suddenly kicks the decorative plant on the floor, knocking it over with a loud shatter.
“What-Paolo!”
“He should be happy he’s already dead.” “No, stop!”
But of course, Paolo isn’t listening to me. He storms all over the room, grumbling a senseless stream of curses, and I can only watch him with a growing heat of worry and desire. I can’t help it, he’s goddamn hot
when he’s mad. In the heat of his rage, Paolo kicks a coffee table, breaks a photo frame, and almost knocks over a bookcase when I finally scream loud enough for him to hear me.
“Not the books, you idiot!” Oh, shit.
Paolo stops next to the bookcase and sharply turns to me, making me freeze like a deer. “So I’m an idiot, huh? Not your fucking cousin who had the audacity to call you…argh, I can’t even say it!”
Wait, is that a compliment? I blink, just staring at him dumbly, and Paolo suddenly walks to me with the same raging fire in his eyes. “That
loser was using you for his own fucking ego. He was lying to you all your life, and you bought it. You aren’t even mad at him!”
“Not mad?” I chuckle bitterly and raise my chin to face Paolo with growing anger. “I hate Emilio with all my heart-but loser or not, he was right. No one, ever, has asked me out. The only guy who’s ever talked to me turned out to be your goddamn pawn.”
I don’t even realize what I’m saying until Paolo narrows his eyes into a dangerous squint. “Do you like Thomas?”
“What? No, that’s not what I’m-”
But Paolo interrupts me with a sudden lunge forward, making me gasp and step backward. He grabs my wrists and pushes me with his chest until I end up with my hips pressed to the back of his couch and my hands pinned against it. Paolo doesn’t hold back; his whole body is pressed to mine, his breath is on my face, and the heat of his arousal makes me bite my lip and close my eyes.
Oh god, why is my body so damn weak for him?
“He’s never gonna get you, understand?” Paolo whispers into my ear, grasping my wrists tighter, and it sends a jolt of desire through me. “You are mine, Jacinta, and only I can do whatever I want with you.”
“I’m not your damn toy,” I try to protest and even get out of his grip, but Paolo only chuckles and pushes my hands behind my back until they’re crossed.
“Oh, you are, princess.”
Before I can say anything, he dives forward and catches my lips in a forced kiss. I try to shake my head and get away from it-but I don’t use
even half of my strength. I can’t escape the kiss because I enjoy it. The weight of Paolo’s body against mine, the strong grip of his hands, and the confidence with which he kisses me send a wave of wicked pleasure through my veins.
I know it must be sick, but I like it-and I can feel that Paolo likes it too.