I stare at him, unable to believe what I just heard, and all the while my heart turns into a complete mess. Did Riccardo actually apologize to me? Did he just…say all that? It’s so hard to put together the soft and almost vulnerable look in his eyes with, quite literally, everything I know about him.
It feels like Riccardo has just pulled off the mask of a Mafia don to show me the human underneath it. Has he ever opened himself like this to anyone else? I don’t know. I don’t dare to think that I can be that special to him-but when Riccardo tightens his hold on my hand and looks me in the eyes, searching for my heart, I feel like there’s no one else in the world for him.
I feel like he sees the world in my eyes, and oh, how could I ever resist it? No matter what a douchebag Riccardo is, I’ve only ever had eyes for him since I was fourteen.
“I know why you treated me the way you did-and maybe, if I were you, I’d have done the same.” I shrug with a joyless chuckle and look down at his hand on mine. “Uncle has taught me to be ruthless with the likes of you, but I’ve never had it in me to go against you.”
Riccardo murmurs something in Italian under his breath, and I catch a note of self-deprecation. I don’t want him to feel like I’m blaming him, so I carefully move my hand into his lap until we can hold each other properly.
“Because, even with all the hurt and anger I went through at your hands, I could never be in love with anyone else.” I look up at Riccardo and hear the soft sound of his exhale. His eyes widen, and I feel like he doesn’t even realize that his grip on me tightens. “Only you could understand my life as it was and all the pain and hardships that came with it. What other boy could do that? Who else would be able to earn my respect and my heart?”
I shake my head, holding his gaze, and I can see the surprise and awe growing in Riccardo’s eyes. Maybe not acceptance of my feelings, not yet, but the realization that I still love him.
“And even after I left and settled into normal life, I still couldn’t take it out of me.” I glance to the side, remembering the harsh years of forcing myself into a society I wasn’t used to. “I tried dating a few times, but it was-god, it was a disaster. Have you ever been with anyone outside of, you know, our world?”
Riccardo looks confused by the mere suggestion. “No, I haven’t.”
“Well, it sucks. People out there…they just don’t get it. They don’t have to think about crossing the borders of other families or being kidnapped in a dark alley. They don’t know how to use a gun. That constant feeling of danger is unfamiliar to them, and you can’t even explain it to them because…they’ll just run away from you. Not before calling the police, of course.”
I’m unable to hold back a sigh, thinking about my “friends” there who didn’t even know my real name. I became Helen as soon as I left Chicago while Elena remained in the dark memories of the past. Or at least, that was what I’d wanted to believe until Pavel showed up on my doorstep.
My brother had brought back the power and violence of my last name, and no matter how much I hated Pavel at that moment, I felt a wicked sense of relief. Because I wasn’t crazy. My childhood wasn’t a figment of my imagination. The danger had been following me through the years, and I could finally allow myself to be who I was-with the man who was ready to see and accept it.
The thought makes my heart even warmer, and I can’t help but smile at Riccardo, feeling so grateful all of a sudden and so loved.
“I’m not afraid of you, and I don’t want to hide myself from you.
My place is by your side, Riccardo-as your wife and as a part of your world. And I’m glad to take it because it feels right.” I turn my hand in his hold, entwining our fingers with my gaze holding his. “So if you…are saying what I think you’re saying, then we can make it work. I forgive you for our past, and for the future…well, you still have time to become a better husband.”
I chuckle, and Riccardo instinctively does the same, but I can see that he’s rather shaken by my speech. It doesn’t look like he expected to hear so much, and for a moment, I feel a rise of nervousness. Maybe I shouldn’t have-
“What I’m saying is that I love you,” Riccardo says carefully, looking into my eyes as if he’s still unsure of my answer, and I let out a euphoric laugh.
“Good. Because I’m trying to say the same thing.”
Riccardo’s eyes immediately light up, giving him such a boyish look that I let out an audible coo. The feelings in my chest are so bright and overwhelming that I can’t keep myself quiet. He said he loves me. He said he loves me! I giggle like a silly girl and cup his cheek, leaning forward just enough for our foreheads to touch.
“Elena,” Riccardo murmurs into my lips, and I close my eyes, reveling in the bliss of the moment. For the first time in my life, my heart is so happy to hear my name.
It feels so right then, so natural to close the distance between us, and I part my lips to reach for him-when Riccardo does it first. He suddenly moves forward and catches my lips in a kiss, not giving me a chance to escape. And I don’t want to, of course, I don’t want to escape-but something in me rises to test him.
Before I can think about what I’m doing, I try to pull out of the kiss with a teasing chuckle-but Riccardo quickly lays his hand on my neck. He grips it tightly, not allowing me to move away, and my body glows with satisfaction. I am his. His arm wraps around my waist, sharply pulling me closer to his side, while I let my palm slide down his cheek to his neck.
“Riccardo,” I whisper as he kisses his name off my lips. “God, I love you.”
His reaction to my words is immediate; his hand grabs my waist tighter and forces me to move forward until I have no other choice but to move into his lap. Riccardo’s hand pats my back then, giving me a signal that he’s satisfied, and I light up from within. I fidget on top of him, making myself comfortable, when Riccardo winces all of a sudden, pausing in the middle of a kiss. Shit. I forgot about his injuries.
“Is it your ankle?” I look into his eyes with worry, weaving my arms around his neck and trying not to move too much.
“It’s just an inconvenience, don’t worry about it.” Riccardo smirks and pushes his hands under my shirt, sending a wave of shivers up my back. “It’s not gonna stop me from having you, baby.”
Ah, damn it. His words send a wave of heat straight down my body, but I do my best to look unimpressed. Still the same cocky bastard, huh?
“But if the doc told you-”
“He didn’t tell me anything,” Riccardo cuts me off with a rather strong tug that makes me gasp as he pulls my body flush against him. “I know what I’m doing, so just relax and-”
This time, I cut him off with a kiss. I can’t let him keep interrupting me like that, okay?
I even nip his lip a little just to tease, and Riccardo immediately slaps my butt, making me choke on my breath. His hands slide over my ribs to my breasts, squeezing them through my bra, and I feel trapped in his embrace. His arms are crossed over my back, not allowing me to move away from him, and the growing heat of his erection makes my own body long for him.
“So you said your ankle is not gonna stop you, right?” I murmur, almost panting into his lips. God, why is it so easy for Riccardo to undo me with just a few kisses?
His gaze finds mine, and I can see the growing fire in the darkness of his eyes. Riccardo smirks, tightening his hold on me, and I feel the power he has over me-but it doesn’t scare me. It fills me with this sick desire to follow him and let him do whatever he wants with me. .
“Are you needy already, baby?”
Suddenly, his hand reaches down to slide between my legs, and I instinctively move away from it before I can control myself. Or at least, my body tries to move away-but Riccardo keeps me in one place, not allowing me to move even an inch. He holds me like a doll in his arms, and the thought hits my mind with a wave of embarrassment and arousal.
Damn it. I lick my lips, pushing my thighs apart for his hand. I hate being so weak for him-but I love that Riccardo knows how to use it. He keeps rubbing me and teasing whimpers out of my lips until my whole body feels like a lighter. I feel the hot bolts of desire running under my skin from every touch of his fingers, and I start trembling in his arms and wordlessly begging for more.
“Riccardo,” I mumble into the kiss with a pleading note, and Riccardo shushes me, stroking my hair in a gesture that feels both loving and teasing.
“You are a good girl, Elena.”
Does that mean I can get my reward? I squeeze him between my knees, melting into his body, and Riccardo lets out a husky chuckle.
“You want me to fuck you so badly, huh? ”
Oh shit. My whole body shivers at the commanding tone of his voice, and I nod frantically. “Yeah.”
“Yeah?” Riccardo repeats, just to tease my out-of-breath voice, and I swat his shoulder. He immediately winces in pain, and I freeze-I didn’t hurt him, did I? But I see a smile in the corner of his lips and roll my eyes, slowly coming back to my senses.
“I can’t stand you.”
“You’re not the first person to say it.”
We share a chuckle before Riccardo taps my hip, and I force myself to pull away from him and stand up with my thighs slightly quivering from weakness. God, it’s almost embarrassing how obvious my body is-but I want him to see it. I want Riccardo to know just how much I desire him.
I want to be good for him..