Faith sat in front of a mirror in the many-windowed room in the east wing. Her wedding veil lay before her on the vanity table. Gemma had offered to help her get ready, but it was only a ruse to try to talk Faith out of marrying her brother. It was anathema to her that Leo should be happy after killing her husband.
“I know my brother is very charming, but you know what he did to Emilio. What makes you think you’re safe with him?”
As if Faith needed more things to fear. Though Leo hadn’t harmed her since that one night, it always existed as a possibility now.
“Leo loves me,” she said. It hurt to say it because he’d never uttered the words, and she had no reason to believe it. But people assumed marriage was about love, and if she didn’t speak in terms of romance and candy that his sister could relate to, someone might see through the whole ploy. And they were so close to the end.
“Leo loves Leo.”
Faith held back the urge to cry as Gemma gave voice to her greatest fear.
“He is hurting you, isn’t he?”
Faith looked up suddenly, her eyes going to Gemma’s reflection in the mirror. “No! Of course not. He would never…”
“Mm-hmm. It will only get worse. You think a man who hits you before your wedding day stops after it?”
Gemma didn’t know about Leo’s kinks. She only assumed run-of-themill domestic abuse like what she’d suffered with her husband. There was no room for nuance in her world.
“It’s not like that.”
“Whatever you say. I think you’re quite foolish.” Gemma buttoned the last of the long line of buttons on Faith’s dress and took a step back.
“I’d really like to be alone for a few minutes before the wedding,” Faith said.
Gemma shrugged. “If I were you, I’d slip out the back door. But you already know how I feel about it.”
When Faith was finally alone, her fingertips trailed over the delicate sapphire necklace at her throat. It had been in Leo’s family for years. Gina had lent it to her, counting it as something borrowed, something old, and something blue. Was it all right to do three parts of the tradition in one object? What did it matter? It was still a sham. None of it was real. It wasn’t being sanctioned by the Vatican. It was why they were having the wedding outdoors and not inside St. Stephen’s.
Leo had decided they would join a different parish to avoid further questions about the marriage. He must not want to marry her if he was going to flee his childhood church to avoid making it official in the eyes of God.
He’d offered to call the wedding off, but that was worse. With a legal marriage, even if it wasn’t sanctioned, she felt safer. She held onto the hope that as the years passed she could make him love her in the way she hoped for. Maybe then he would get a priest to bless their marriage so it would be real.
She couldn’t stay in the dungeon every Christmas. She couldn’t give up the illusion of a family. Aunts and uncles and cousins and brothers and sisters and grandparents and parents. These had all been foreign concepts for much of her life, except on TV.
Even if Leo couldn’t give her all the things she needed, he could give her family holidays. That by itself was almost worth going through with this. She had to get through today, then she could have a breakdown privately behind closed doors.
She ran her fingers over the intricate beading of her gown. It was simple with thin straps and a satin wrap to go over her shoulders. The veil was more ornate. She felt like Cinderella, right before everything turned to rags, when it was easy to fall into the illusion and believe it could be real.
Months had passed since she’d agreed to truly be his slave, and though the cane and whips and clamps never stopped hurting, and though she never stopped being afraid of what was coming next, she went through it all because each day her need to see that look of pride and devotion remain in his eyes grew stronger. The more she became his creation, the less it mattered if she was like him.
When he’d realized he couldn’t fully transmute pain for her, instead of being disappointed, she’d seen the look of triumph on his face, as if this were better because it fed his sadism. She was his perfect doll, giving everything he wanted, and yet there was a piece missing, things he hadn’t taken or done since the very first night when she’d thought she was broken.
Since that night she still couldn’t give name to because making it disappear into the mists of falsely reconstructed memory was better.
It didn’t matter what he did. As long as she survived it. As long as he held her and whispered soft words to her at the end. That was all that mattered. She’d gone with him to hell each night and been his toy and the object of his sadism. She’d had her cathartic moments punctuated by nights where it was more pain than catharsis. Yet the peace he had by the end gave her peace, as if he’d gotten the demons out that tormented him-at least for a while, and in doing so, he’d slain some of hers as well.
There was a soft knock at the door, and she looked up, her heart beating faster in her chest, desire rippling through her stomach. She knew that knock. Nobody knocked on a door quite the same way as Leo. A moment of superstition pushed into her mind. It was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. But did that matter if the whole thing was a farce anyway? How much worse could her luck get?
“Come in.”
Leo strode in like a dark, fairy-tale prince, his hair slicked back in a way that made him appear even more debonair than normal. More polished and in control, and she melted beneath the power of him a little more.
He stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, his gaze meeting hers in the mirror. Her breath caught as his fingers trailed down her throat to slide over the necklace Gina had lent her. “My Ma’s?”
“Yes, Master,” she said.
“No. Leo today. You must call me Leo, even in private, until all the guests are gone. I don’t want you to slip by mistake.”
“L-Leo.” The word tasted strange in her mouth, almost unpleasant. It made her feel like his equal. In another time she might have longed for that, but now, if she couldn’t have the true love she’d heard stories about, at least she could belong to him.
The bond between them had grown thick and tight. Nothing could break it. It had been forged in the fires of betrayal and redemption, of suffering and pleasure and secret moments below ground. It was stronger than normal love, more sure. Whatever happened, she would always be his.
His fingers brushed her throat, unclasping the necklace and placing it on the table. Her eyes searched his, but he was already pulling a large, velvet case from his inside pocket. He set the box on the vanity in front of her, her veil framing it like a hazy dream.
“Open it.”
She lifted the lid and let out a gasp. A circle of platinum lay against the velvet. Glittering sapphires went fully around the choker.
“Do you understand its significance?”
Faith shook her head. Besides it replacing her something blue, she had no idea.
“I’ll give you a wedding band today at the ceremony to wear with the diamond, but this is what’s real between us. It’s a collar. It’s my commitment and promise to you that you’ll always be mine. I’ll always protect you, and you’ll always obey me.” There was an edge in his voice at the end that sent a thrill down her spine. There was no question, no doubt, only a command.
“Do you understand these terms?” He didn’t ask if she accepted them, just if she understood them. As far as he was concerned, gifting her with this symbol was a formality. She’d given herself body and soul to him long ago, and true to his word, the door had closed behind her after that choice.
She nodded, unable to force a reply from her mouth. She watched, mesmerized, as he lifted the jewelry from the box and put it around her neck.
“I never want to see your throat bare again. You will always wear this. You may take it off to shower or swim, but then it goes right back on.”
The weight of the collar around the base of her throat felt like his hand on her always. He didn’t need to worry she’d take it off.
He went to the door. “The ceremony starts in thirty minutes. I’ll see you down there.” “Leo, wait.”
He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Yes?”
“Will we ever… I mean… don’t you want to…” She was flustered and couldn’t get the words out, but their lack of consummation of the relationship since that one ugly night, had nearly burned her soul into oblivion. Didn’t he want her? Was she crazy for wanting him to go there again? Was it better to let it go and be content with the moments they had?
But… didn’t he want her?
Leo turned, his expression intense. “Don’t I want to… what?”