As recently as the family’s departure, Faith had thought she just wanted to live and stay safe. But as the other women began to arrive, the pain and fear had crept up on her-the fear that he would turn that look of pleasure and approval on another woman, and Faith would become like lonely furniture forgotten in a corner of the room.
But now that she’d attained his undivided attention, the idea of being forgotten furniture felt so much safer.
She watched the clock above the fireplace as it moved far too fast to the moment she would see Leo again. She dreaded whatever business he had to discuss with her. But as long as he was talking, he wasn’t hitting.
When she couldn’t wait any longer without being late, she got up and made her way to the office. An imaginary, disembodied voice echoed off the walls: “Dead woman walking.”
She stood in the doorway to the office, her arms wrapped around her.
Leo glanced up from his desk and put his pen down, closing the black book she’d seen him writing in before. He motioned for her to come to him.
He rubbed her arms when she got closer. “You look white as a ghost.
Are you cold? Do you need a sweater?”
“No.”
“No, Master,” he corrected.
“No, Master,” she whispered, her gaze cast down.
“We’re just going to talk.”
She nodded and sat in the offered chair on the other side of his desk. She clasped her hands in her lap, staring down at the ring on her finger. “Aare we really getting married?” It was still too impossible and bizarre to be true.
“Yes. I told you already, it’s either that or stay in the dungeon during Christmas every year. Is that what you want?”
“No, Master.”
“Then yes, we’re getting married.”
“But you don’t love me.” She couldn’t say she didn’t love him because she wasn’t sure anymore. If all this were real and normal and without all the layers of strangeness on top of it, she would have accepted a proposal from Leo without hesitation. But this wasn’t her fantasy, this was the real Leo, and she knew the engagement wasn’t real to him, even if the end result would be legal.
“Marrying for love is a new idea. For centuries men and women married for many reasons that had nothing to do with their feelings. Grammie and Papi had an arranged marriage, and they love each other now. Feelings grow over time. We are attracted, and that’s more than what most had. Do you think I would keep you here if I didn’t at least want you?”
She wondered if he would take a mistress, but she didn’t ask. It was inappropriate to badger him as a normal fiancee might. She had no right to demand anything, least of all fidelity. Faith wasn’t sure if he experienced love in a way she’d recognize, anyway.
“Are you on birth control?”
Her head snapped up. It was one of the last things she expected to hear and brought back the fears that he’d try to make her have babies to promote the sham marriage. After all, hadn’t she given him her consent… for anything?
“You know I’m not,” she said.
“I have no way of knowing that. The shot lasts three months. You could have taken that right before you met my brother. You could have a contraceptive implant, or an IUD, both of which can last several years.”
“No. I’m not on any form of birth control.” In all the anxiety about pain and scary kink, Faith had forgotten the normal things couples in sexual relationships obsessed about: diseases and pregnancy. With him being a medical professional, she was sure Leo had been careful with the former, but the latter remained a small risk. “A-are you going to make me have babies? Before you said that you wouldn’t.”
“Do you want babies?”
The truth might upset him, or he might use it against her. “There’s about a 90 percent chance I can’t have them. That’s what my doctor said. I’ve always had issues with my cycle, and I had an illness. The odds aren’t good for me.”
“If you could have them, would you want them?”
She shrugged. “A-are you angry?”
“Why would I be angry?”
“I could be infertile… and your mom…”
“I told you I wouldn’t force you to have children if you didn’t want them. Do you think my word is worthless?”
“No, Master,” she said quickly, grateful he wasn’t angry.
“Decide if you want them. You’d be surprised how often a 10 percent chance turns into a pregnancy. If you don’t want them, we’ll use birth control. I won’t force you to have my children.”
“What about your mother? She’ll hate me.” Gina had been so nice. Most of them had, in fact. Having family was still a new and novel concept.
She hated the thought of dashing all their hopes and dreams for more children in the family and being resented for it.
“It’s not her business. We’ll say we can’t have them.”
“And then they’ll wish you’d married someone who could have babies.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think they would, but if it became an issue, I would tell them the doctor told us it was me. I won’t make you bear their contempt.”
It was another thing to add to the list of things that made Leo feel safe and honorable. None of it matched the change that came over him in the dungeon.
“You can return to your room now. That’s all I wanted to talk about.”
Faith got up to leave, confused that nothing scary had happened, and that he was keeping her in the east wing for now. He intercepted her at the door, wrapping her in his arms. His lips pressed against her forehead. “You will survive me, I promise,” he whispered.