LEO
We take my car. She points out her piece of shit in the parking lot and I’m surprised it made it up the hill to the casino. Once we’re in my Bentley, the engine roars to life, echoing around us as I hit the gas and tear down into town. Rex is dying.
The only life I ever cared about. The only thing that ever loved me. The only truly loyal friend I had. The only one I never had to worry about stabbing me in the back while smiling into my face. The thing that kept me going while I was in lockup.
Dying.
“Has he had a good life?” I ask. I turn and look at her. She’s facing the front and saying nothing. She looks far more beautiful close up than she did on the screen upstairs. Fuck, I want to own her.
“As good as I could give him,” she replies.
Few people know about the setup under the roulette table. It’s not used often. Only when money needs laundering and someone needs paying without the Feds getting too curious. Rob a bank and they lock you up.
Win in the casino and they pat you on the back. Dumb fucks in the government. They shouldn’t be chasing bank robbers. They should watch the roulette wheel, maybe place a bet or two while they’re doing it. Have a couple of complimentary drinks as well.
“I’ve got to find a snitch,” I tell her as I take a left toward Sunside. Another couple of minutes and we’ll be there.
I don’t let my pain show. I never have. “Hiding out somewhere in Gordon’s Cove. I’ve got forty-eight hours to find him and when I’m in your place, I can act like we’re a couple, act like I’ve got a reason to be in town. If I get spotted with you, I’ve got an excuse to be here, no one gets suspicious.”
“Why do you need me then?”
“Wander around on my own and I’ll spook the snitch. He’ll run. I wander around with you and look like I’m falling for a local girl. Two days and we’re done. You get out of your debt to me and I get the son of a bitch who’s trying to fuck us over.”
“I’m not in debt to you. You forget that part.”
She looks at me for the first time, but she’s not afraid. I can’t remember the last time I was in a car with a woman who wasn’t afraid of me. I like that look. I want to spank her, see if she still looks at me like that.
“Two days in my place,” she says, screwing up her face in thought. She runs a hand through her hair and then plays with her fingers. “What happens if you don’t find your snitch by Sunday night?”
“Concrete boots if I’m lucky.”
“What happens if you’re unlucky?”
“Chopped up and fed to the fish while I’m still alive.”
“Oh. Think you’ll find him?”
“Is that a yes?”
“It’s a, maybe.”
“It’s a yes.” I bring the car to a stop and climb out.
She’s waiting on the other side. “This way,” she says at last. “I guess.”
I follow her into the vet’s. In the recovery room, Moira is sitting in a rocking chair, reading a book. Next to her on a tartan blanket is Rex. His eyes are closed. “Is he dead?” I ask, not liking how my voice sounds. I cough and get better control of myself.
“It’s not long now,” she whispers. “Keep your voice down. Don’t spook him. He’s scared right now. Doesn’t understand what’s going on.”
“Is he in pain?”
“I’ve kept him dosed up, but he hasn’t got long. I’m sorry.”
She gets to her feet. “I’ll leave you with him. If he wakes up or if you need anything, I’m through there.”
She walks out the door and I sit on the floor beside him, putting a hand on his neck. He’s burning hot. His eyes open briefly and they focus on me.
His expression changes when he recognizes me. I get a thump of his tail on the blanket and then his eyes close again.
I sit there and I don’t notice Amelia standing next to me. I feel her hand squeezing my shoulder before she walks off toward the door. “I should leave you two,” she whispers. “I’ll be through there.”
I want to tell her to stay. When my mom died, I had no one next to me. My dad had looked at her and gone out drinking.
She’d been dying so long maybe he figured she wouldn’t be going anywhere, but by the time he got back she was dead and I was sitting beside her, sobbing onto her still warm chest.
He hit me on the side of the head, sending me flying. “Men don’t cry,” he spat down at me. “Queers cry. Women cry. Men do not cry.”
All the while he’s smacking me in the side of the head and my ears are ringing. “Emotion is weakness. You shut that shit down, you hear me? You show weakness and you get eaten alive in this world.”
He goes to hit me again, and this time I grab his hand, shoving him backward with rage. “Good boy,” he says with a smile. “You notice you had to stop crying to fight me.”
I don’t cry when Rex dies. It’s peaceful enough when it happens. He takes a breath that seems to catch and then he shudders and then he doesn’t inhale again.
I look down at him and say a silent goodbye. I cross the room to the door and pull it open. The two of them are standing there.
“He’s gone,” I say.
“I’m so sorry,” Amelia says, throwing her arms around me. She holds me and I stand there, not knowing what to do.
I never feel like that. I always know what to do.
I shake my feelings away, swallow my emotions. I look at her.
“I’m sorry,” she says again, looking up into my face. She looks so perfect at that moment. It happens before I can stop myself.
I lean down and my lips brush hers. It’s a brief kiss, but a spark passes between our lips while we embrace. It burns inside me, getting hotter all the time. I tear myself from her arms and try to act as if nothing happened.
“Forty-eight hours,” I say.
She looks at me like she’s in a daze. “Okay,” she says. “Forty-eight hours. That’s all, right?”
“We’ll see,” I say before turning around in time to see Moira carrying Rex in her arms.
“I’ll do that,” I say, taking him from her. I follow her out of the recovery room. Amelia walks behind me. I will not get attached to her.
The last thing I got attached to was Rex and look what happened to him. He’s dead. If I get attached to her, she’ll end up dead too. Or fuck me over like Carla. That’s what women do. All women.
Still, I can fuck my way out of grief. Possess her for two days while I find the snitch.
Forty-eight hours, then I’m a ghost.
Find the snitch. Kill him. Move on. Leave her to her small-town life and get back to the city where I belong. Leave her remembering what it’s like to be with me. She’ll never forget but I will. I’ll move on. I’m a cold bastard who cares about nothing and no one.
I can do this.