April’s POV
The night had fallen into an uneasy silence, the weight of the events unfolding earlier still pressing heavily on my mind. I hadn’t expected today to be as intense as it was, and now, alone in my apartment, the quiet seemed deafening. My hand rested against the window pane, staring out at the town lights twinkling below, but my thoughts were far away. They were still with him. With Cassius.
I should have been feeling more certain about all of this-the pack, the revelation that he was a werewolf, the fact that I wasn’t sure what I was anymore. But instead, I just felt overwhelmed, as though things were spiraling too fast. There hadn’t even been time to properly process any of it. I hadn’t had a chance to breathe, not really.
The touch of his lips and the honesty between us had hit me like a freight train, and I couldn’t even begin to untangle my feelings about it. One minute, we were standing there, learning the truth about each other’s worlds, and the next, I was meeting his pack. And then there was the kiss-the kiss that told me, in no uncertain terms, that things between us were far from simple.
I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath. The truth was, I was scared. I was scared of how fast everything had progressed, terrified of the fact that, somehow, I could feel my heart pulling me toward him, even when my mind screamed at me to slow down.
“You’re not alone in this,” Snow’s calm and soothing voice broke through the silence.
I ran my fingers through my hair and turned from the window. “It’s all moving too fast, Snow. One moment, I let him know I am a werewolf; the next, I’m standing in his pack house, meeting all these wolves… It’s like I can’t catch up with my own emotions. I’m terrified.”
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Snow replied. “This is a lot to take in, but you’re not the first to go through it. Trust me, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”
I wanted to believe her, but it didn’t feel that simple. I sat down on the couch, running my hands over my face, trying to calm the rush of thoughts that kept flooding my mind. Cassius had shared his world with me, something I wasn’t sure I deserved. And yet, there was this undeniable pull. Like I was tethered to him by something deeper than I could understand.
But I can’t get too close, I thought. I can’t let myself get swept up in whatever this is before I understand it.
“But what if he’s the reason I’m supposed to be here?” I murmured aloud. Snow didn’t answer at first, giving me time to process the idea. I thought back to the way Cassius had looked at me earlier, how there had been a vulnerability in his eyes that made me want to pull him closer, even though every part of me told me not to.
“You already know how you feel,” Snow finally spoke, her voice steady. “You’re not one to hide your feelings, April. It’s okay to want him. It’s okay to explore what this could be. You’re not wrong for wanting to see where it goes.”
“But I can’t just forget why I’m here,” I whispered. “I can’t forget the rogues or my parents. This mission-it’s not over.”
Snow was silent for a moment. I understand, she said softly. You need to stay focused on your path, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live in the moment, too. You’re allowed to have a little peace. You’re allowed to feel something that isn’t about running from danger. You’ve earned that right.
I closed my eyes, letting her words wash over me. She was right. It was just hard to remember that sometimes.
The apartment felt too small for all the thoughts swirling in my head. Too suffocating. I needed fresh air, a break from my own thoughts.
Without thinking, I grabbed my coat and walked out the door, needing to clear my head. I didn’t know where I was going-just away from here, away from the storm of emotions and questions.
The city felt quieter tonight, almost as if it was holding its breath with me. My thoughts wandered back to Cassius-his pack, his world, his touch. What was I supposed to do with all of it? Every step forward seemed like it led me deeper into a world I wasn’t prepared for, yet every part of me wanted to keep walking.
I found myself standing by the city park, the night air sharp and cold, but it was welcome. The silence here was different from the silence in my apartment-it wasn’t heavy. It was… still. I leaned against the metal railing, letting the cool breeze fill my lungs.
Snow’s voice was a soft presence in the back of my mind. What are you afraid of, April?
I sighed and closed my eyes. “I’m afraid of losing myself in him. Afraid of forgetting why I’m here and what I’m supposed to be doing.”
You won’t forget, Snow said, her tone firm. You know what you need to do. But maybe, just maybe, you can have something more. You don’t have to choose between your mission and your heart.
The words were simple, but they hit me like a wave. Maybe.
But how could I balance both? How could I walk this thin line between letting myself care for someone and still being true to my purpose?
One step at a time, Snow offered. That’s all anyone can do. Trust your instincts. They won’t steer you wrong.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight in my chest slowly ease as I exhaled. Maybe Snow was right. Perhaps I didn’t need to have all the answers right now. Maybe all I needed to do was keep moving forward, step by step, and trust that everything else would fall into place when it was supposed to.
With a final glance at the town lights, I made my way back home, a sense of calm settling in. Whatever was going to happen next-whether it was with Cassius or with my mission-it would happen when the time was right. And for now, I could allow myself to just… be.