Chapter 18
SHANE
Getting up early, as always, I rush to the bathroom to vomit, but this time I lock the door behind me. I can feel my heart pounding fiercely in my chest as a mix of emotions overwhelms me. The image of Liam, with his dark hair and intense eyes, struggling to maintain control of his animal side, blends in my mind with the idea of what it means to be the mother of a wolf baby. His essence, his nature, his wild life.
When I finally start to feel a bit better, I drag myself to my feet, my head still spinning. My mind is filled with questions, fears that torment me. Still with that nauseating feeling in my stomach, I head to the wooden shelf where the towels are, knowing that I need to do what I bought at the pharmacy. My wallet lies hidden among the towels where I left it last night, waiting for me, as if it knows that this moment is crucial.
I rummage through the things I’ve accumulated, and upon touching the soft texture of the brown paper bag, a pang of anxiety hits me. I open it carefully, as if each movement could break the delicate balance between hope and unease. Inside are the four boxes of pregnancy tests, all lined up and ready. In that instant, fear takes hold of me again. What if I really am pregnant? The idea of carrying a being that is part wolf and part human resonates in my mind, unsettling and fascinating at the same time.
With trembling hands, I take out the first box and examine it. The instructions are simple, but each word feels heavy, laden with the weight of a whole life. My mind travels through a dark labyrinth of thoughts: being the mother of a child who would inherit Liam’s blood, with all that that implies. Would it be a wild child? Would it be accepted in the pack? Would it be able to handle its duality? Would it be capable of living in both worlds? How would I protect it from the human world? Cold sweat begins to accumulate on my forehead.
What if I wasn’t ready for this? Fear takes over as I contemplate the possibility of raising a child in a world that can be so complicated, where packs fight among themselves, where animal instinct is as strong as love. What would happen if humans realized what it is? Would Liam be willing to be a present father, with all those primal instincts battling inside him? Would he protect it? I hear the echo of his words about being an alpha and the need for strength.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of thunder rumbling outside, like a warning of what is to come. The air feels dense and charged with tension. My hands grip the boxes. I feel the need for this moment to mean something more, but the dread of the unknown makes me hesitate. A part of me longs for this change, while another part trembles at what could happen.
I take a deep breath and force myself to focus. I know I have to proceed, but every second that passes feels like an eternity. Finally, I place the test boxes on the bathroom counter, and with one last glance at the clock, I know I can’t postpone it any longer. I unwrap each one and pee on each of them, leaving them face down on the counter and washing my hands. The decision is about to determine the course of our lives; the future of our relationship or the complex shades that this new reality could bring. With each step I take toward the impending test, the mix of hope and fear is reflected on my face.
As time passes, each second feels like a storm looming over me, an anticipated burst that could change everything. The butterfly in my stomach flutters restlessly, anxiety builds, but I must go through with it. After what feels like an eternity, I decide it’s time to check the results. I walk over to the bathroom counter, my hands still trembling.
I take a deep breath, holding it as I look at the four tests that have gone from mere objects in my hand to potential heralds of a future I hadn’t imagined. As I flip them over, my heart sinks deeper into my chest. They all show positive. Four lines. Four confirmations that I am pregnant. A torrent of emotions floods me: happiness, terror, disbelief, and a deep sense of anxiety about the unknown. My dreams of being a mother dance in my mind, but the reality that the child would be half wolf and half human veers that happiness off course, bringing with it deeper fears.
The idea of a tiny newborn with a connection to the animal world, with a parent who is a werewolf, wraps my thoughts in a haze of dread. How could I raise a child who would face such extraordinary challenges? Images assault me of a future where I would not only have to protect it from the dangers of the human world but also teach it how to manage its wild instinct. The pressure of being a good leader, a good mother, overwhelms me.
At that moment, a soft knock resonates on the door, breaking the silence of my musings.
“Are you okay?” Liam calls from the other side, his voice filled with concern. The sound of his familiar tone feels like a refuge amidst the chaos.
“Yes, I’ll be out soon!” I reply, trying not to let my voice betray the whirlwind stirring inside me.
I need to act quickly. With almost mechanical movement, I gather the pregnancy tests and put them back into the paper bag, my heart beating against my chest like a frantic drum. I shove the bag into my wallet, feeling the weight of the truth I’ve decided to hide for now. Do I need to think about what I’m going to tell someone about this? The idea of confessing to someone, even to Liam, scares me. I’m not ready to unravel the complexity of the situation, and at this moment, I need a little more time to process everything.