Chapter 40
SHANE
I feel the sunlight filtering through the curtains as I wake up. The first sensation that floods me is familiar, but today a fear arises that I cannot ignore. I don’t want to open my eyes, not yet. My stomach churns, and the nauseating pressure pushes me out of the warm embrace of my dreams. With a silent groan, I get out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom. It’s a ritual I’ve repeated so many times that I could do it with my eyes closed.
The cold tile hurts my bare feet, and as soon as I reach the toilet, the vomit bursts out of me. The feeling is almost a relief, but today is different. Today it hurts more; I sense that there is something deeper than just what I’ve eaten. I wonder if something is wrong, if this is just a passing phase or if I should truly be worried. The thought creeps into my mind, terrifying and tangible; I don’t want to think the worst, but my mind is a labyrinth.
I rinse my mouth and, with a resigned sigh, brush my teeth with Liam’s toothbrush. Its soft bristles bring me a sense of comfort, a memory of the previous nights when his embrace made me feel safe. I’m grateful to have him in my life, even though the shadows of my worry darken my mind.
I quickly head to his closet once again, searching for something that will make me feel comfortable. My fingers brush against a soft and large fabric. A black sweater of Liam’s. I put it on, seeking in its warmth a refuge from the unease that engulfs me. It’s oversized, cozy, and somehow, its scent makes me feel closer to him, as if I were carrying him with me.
Without making a sound, I leave the room. He is there, asleep, his breathing calm and deep. Looking at him, a smile spreads across my face. I adore this man; his presence is all I need to face my chaos. I lean in and whisper an almost inaudible “I’m going to stay with you,” as if merely saying it could make my worries disappear.
I take a deep breath before leaving the room, preparing to face the day. He is my rock, my refuge. But deep down, the unease persists; what is my body trying to tell me? Another wave of nausea hits me, and I must grip the doorframe to keep from losing my balance. I cannot let this take me down, not today.
I go down the stairs and head to the kitchen, looking for something to soothe my stomach. My mind wanders in a tangle of thoughts, and while I seek tranquility in a simple glass of water, a part of me wishes Liam would wake up and come looking for me. But for now, in my solitude, I can only face these uncomfortable moments. Why do I feel so weak?
As I take a sip of water, I pause for a moment and look through the sliding glass door that opens to the beautiful terrace. The glass enclosure allows me to admire the clear view of Chicago; the sun shines over the skyscrapers, and the city looks vibrant, full of life. But here I am, feeling fragile and vulnerable. Am I sick? Should I go to the doctor? That thought fills me with anxiety, but the truth is I don’t want to face those fears.
The sliding door opens, and I turn around only to see Liam appearing in the doorway. His face lights up, and all my discomfort fades a little. I give him a glance and try to smile. I want him to know that I’m fine, even though deep down I’m not.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice filled with concern.
“Yes, just a rough morning, that’s all,” I respond, trying to make my words sound optimistic. But his expression doesn’t lie; he can see right through me.
I move closer, and his arms wrap around me as he pulls me to his chest. My head rests on his shoulder, and this moment makes me feel stronger. Despite everything, I know I will share everything with him, even my deepest fears. But for now, I just want to stay here with him and let the morning flow on. But I can’t; I lazily tilt my head back to look at him.
“I have to go to work.”
“No, you won’t. You’re coming with me,” he says with a frown, as if he’s thinking about something very important.
“You can’t be serious?”
“Very serious. You look worried. So I’m not letting you out of my sight today. You’re coming with me to the office, and then we’ll go to my mom’s.”
Just the mention of his mother makes me pull away from him.
“She can’t know we’re together. No one can. We’ve talked about this,” I say almost in a panic.
“We can trust my parents and their discretion.”
“Ehhhh, I don’t know.”
“Trust what I’m telling you.” Seeing the certainty in his words reflected in his eyes makes something inside me want to believe him.
“Okay,” I say with resignation, “but I have to call Rocco, my boss, to tell him I have client meetings today.”
“Perfect. Let’s have breakfast.”
“No!” Liam looks surprised at me. “I’m not hungry.”
“You’ll have to eat something at the office. Let’s get dressed.” I follow him back into the attic, excited that Liam wants to involve me more in his life; my stomach tenses. Does this mean he’s serious? Oh God, the man wants to formally introduce me to his parents! It’s obvious he wants something serious.
Thinking about that possibility, a mix of excitement and anxiety bubbles inside me. I know this step is significant, but the idea of meeting his mother terrifies me. Despite our connection, I still feel like I’m walking a tightrope; one misstep could lead to a fall. However, the sparkle in Liam’s eyes as he prepares for the day gives me a bit of courage.