CLAUDE
We had been looking for her for years, but we still hadn’t found her with the people my parents had paid. She seemed to have vanished without a trace.
“It’s Zeke and Maven’s wedding,” Monte replied.
“Wedding? I thought they were already married. Are they getting married again?”
“Yeah, bro. Their first marriage was just a formality. But this time, it’s for real.”
I smiled bitterly. ‘What would happen if I saw Sia again? Would she agree if I asked her to marry me again?”
‘Huh? Are you serious, Claude? You’ll marry Sia again if you see her? For what? To claim your child? Would she agree? Remember, you’ve been separated for a long time. Who knows, she might be married to someone else now.’
I tensed up. I clenched my fists.
“Chaos, what’s wrong? Why do you look so angry?”
I quickly opened my palms.
“Sorry, bro. I just remembered something. I’m not mad at you,” I corrected.
Monte smiled slightly. “I guess you’re thinking about Sia again, right?”
I avoided eye contact. When I glanced at my desk, I quickly grabbed the pregnancy test strip and put it in my desk drawer.
“Even if you don’t admit it, I know you’re thinking about her again. There’s no other woman bothering your mind. You’ve been separated for so long, you should have replaced her with someone else. But you haven’t. You’re still single until now. You’re still looking for her until now, aren’t you? You’re still hoping you’ll meet again if she doesn’t come back.”
I smirked. “Excuse me, I can’t get married or marry someone else because Sia and I only had a legal separation. Our marriage wasn’t annulled, so I can’t marry another woman freely,” I reasoned.
“Why don’t you annul your marriage? She’s been gone for so long, you could use that as grounds for the annulment case you’ll file.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know how to respond to my friend. I was puzzled myself because in all those years, I never even thought about it. If Monte hadn’t reminded me about annulment, I wouldn’t have thought about it.
“You’re quiet again. Is it hard to answer my question, Chaos?”
“I don’t know, bro. I just thought about annulment now. But I don’t want to annul my marriage with Sia. I might lose sight of my child even more if I do that.”
Monte grinned. “Are you sure your child with Sia is the reason you don’t want to annul your marriage?”
“Yeah, of course. There’s no other reason.”
“Really? Could it be that you’re in love with Sia and that’s why you don’t want to let her go? As far as I know, there was never any other woman in your life even when she left you.”
I fell silent. Was Monte observing me, which is why he noticed? What he said was right; there really was no other woman in my life ever since my wife left me. I couldn’t understand myself. Just when there was no one stopping me, I suddenly lost interest in women. I didn’t even pay attention to them when they approached me. I even avoided Haven since then.
I only realized the changes that happened to me now. Like my loss of interest in women, my fondness for babies and young children, my envy of couples happily together, and my intense dedication to work. Sometimes, my secretary would complain because we often worked overtime. She said I had no time for love life. She even joked once that my work was my wife. I practically spent the whole day in the office.
I would usually arrive earlier every day. By seven in the morning, I was already at the office. And I usually won’t come home until eleven at night. When I got home, I will just take a shower and go to bed. I only slept for a few hours. Oftentimes, I would wake up at four in the morning.
There were times when I almost couldn’t be visited by sleep, so even in the middle of the night, I would go to the gym on the second floor just to work out. Only when I was thoroughly exhausted could I sleep.
So I deliberately exhausted myself all day to avoid having trouble sleeping. My insomnia had gotten so seriously that I was even considering consulting a doctor. There were nights when I got awaken from my shallow sleep by the thoughts of my wife. There were also few nights when I would fall into a deep sleep due to exhaustion but I would find myself bein awaken from a dream where I saw my wife leaving me.
But the most painful thing that happened to me when Sia disappeared was my rift with my father. Since we argued about Sia, my father hadn’t spoken to me. Even when we faced each other at the dinner table, he wouldn’t acknowledge me. Sometimes I wanted us to have meetings all the time. Because when we were in a meeting, my father would at least talk to me about work and the company. It started to feel like I was just an employee more than a son.
In other situations, he would not even notice me. When we were at home, it was as if I were air passing by when my father was around.
“Chaos, are you still with me?”
I turned when I felt Monte tap my shoulder while speaking.
“Yes, of course.” I forced a smile.
“Am I right in thinking that you love Sia because you never replaced her with another woman in your life?”
I winced.
“Come on, deny it all you want. That’s not the only thing I’ve noticed about you. Since your wife left, I haven’t seen you laugh anymore. You’ve forgotten to joke around and tease us. What our friends told you has come true.”
“Huh? What are you referring to that they said?”
“They told you that you’d regret letting your wife go. They were right, weren’t they?”
Denial, I was in a complete state of denial. Of course I remembered exactly what they told me. About regrets that would surely come at the end. This was probably it, but I would also deny the fact that it was end yet. No! No matter how I convinced myself that I regretted nothing about Sia leaving me, the reality would just bother me even more.
“Nah! That’s not true. I’m just really busy with my work, so I have no time for anything else. I just want to prove to my dad that he didn’t make a mistake in entrusting Artisan Furnitures to me.”
“Okay. Stick to what you’re saying if that’s really the reason for your change. But there’s nothing wrong with admitting your true feelings. Who knows, we might be able to help.” Monte tapped me on the shoulder and stood up. “I’m leaving. Don’t miss Zeke’s wedding. Absences are not allowed.”
I just nodded, staring at the door where my friend left.
Did I really love Sia? No. That wasn’t true. I just missed her. That’s the truth.